September 2007 Archives
Dick Griffin struggles through thirteen paragraphs today in describing the myriad possibilities in the NL playoff race, without once teeing-off on J.P. Ricciardi. Sure, he gets some cheap hits on Bud Selig, math, and coin flips, but by the top of the fourteenth, Griffin has yet to really come through when it counts. And then...against all odds...with two (sentences) gone...the Grifter comes up with some bottom of the fourteenth (paragraph) magic:
But, despite the excitement, this year looks like a whole lot of senior circuit mediocrity. Whoever wins this NL mess, bet on the AL to win it all. Even the Jays might have made the playoffs in the NL Central.
A walk-off home run!
Both Grimace/Griffin are on display in this Lamebag, and the struggle between the two selves makes for captivating reading. Think Batman Begins, but with more typing and Matt Stairs. There are a couple Q&As sandbagging JPs farm system, then arguing for the Jays to trade their (apparently nonexistent) prospects instead of rebuilding it, in order to acquire a veteran starter. This #4 would bolster the Jays promising young rotation, who apparently did not come through the Jays farm system, but rather were grown in a pod farm behind Gord Ash's lake house.
But when given questions that take him away from the unending cycle of JPicide, you can almost see the glint in Griffin's eyes as he tears into them with energy and wit. Take this one, in response to a question about whether instant replay would reduce manager-umpire rhubarbs:
As for the hissy-fits, the time spent on those would be replaced by the drama of a replay flag being tossed from the dugout, followed by two minutes of Bruce Froemming's ass as he stares into a hooded replay monitor. Yikes!
As if his shock collar was activated by cracking an actual decent joke, the next answer returns to rote JP bashing, before he closes strong with an informative, entertaining answer to a question about handedness and defensive positioning. It might not happen till JP gets canned (and Griffin may not be appeased by anything less than a ritual sacrifice at this point), but Toronto may have a useful baseball writer under the purple suit. Maybe if he got some more decent questions (I'm looking at you, Will "I think Russ Adams is pretty clutch" in Toronto), we just might find out.
"This year's edition has to produce a long playoff run to ensure Ferguson survives past the last year of his contract."
Now, where I come from "long playoff run" means conference finals, and I certainly haven't heard that's what Brylcreem Jr needs to keep on keepin' on - simply making the playoffs is the goal most often mooted. Another Shoaltsclusive? I dunno, but at this rate he'll file four negative columns live from the season opener next week, burning himself out by November. Of course the Leafs should be eliminated from postseason play by then, allowing Shoalts to go out in a blaze of glory.
Even Billy Houston took a break from taking shots at media-types (a pathetic way to make a living, by the way) to point out that the Ottawa Senators aren't the poster boys for good clean hockey:
Among those condemning the Steve Downie hit on Ottawa Senators Dean McAmmond was Senators owner Eugene Melynk who called Downie a "goon" and the incident "a bag of dirt." He also told the Fan 590 in Toronto that Downie, a Philadelphia Flyer prospect, shouldn't be in the NHL.
Tough talk. But how different would Melnyk's commentary have been if one of his own players was in trouble over a head shot? Two days earlier, Senators Chris Neil left his feet to hit the Toronto Maple Leafs' Bryan McCabe from behind. It was a cheap shot and should have been called, prompting Leafs TV game analyst Harry Neale to note that "a one-handed hook" draws a penalty, but Neil's hit did not.
My oh my, even Harry Neale is right about something. Everyone is on a roll.(Neale's homerism does bring up a really good point relevant to the Downie situation: seconds before Downie charged at McAmmond, he was hit into the boards from behind by Christophe Schubert. This isn't to excuse Downie's actions, but if the referee had called a penalty on Schubert, Downie wouldn't have had time to get up and go looking for revenge. I still can't believe that chincy hooks and holds are repeatedly called for penalties, but referees continue to miss obvious hits from behind and high sticks. But I digress...)
Neil is a dirty player. Last season, he blind-sided Buffalo's Chris Drury with a vicious hit, opening up a 20-inch gash on his forehead. Another of Melynk's players is Brian McGrattan, who fits his owner's description of goon - a fighter with few if any hockey skills. McGrattan promised retribution against Downie, but Melynk condoned McGrattan's remark, describing him as an "emotional" person. Yes, well, so is Downie, who was hit from behind a few seconds before he smashed into McAmmond.
How does someone get a 20 inch gash on their forehead? I'm guessing he meant 20 stitches. Either way, his point is valid. Neil is a cheapshot artist, and McGrattan doesn't do himself any favours here with his Brad May impression. I'm sure this quote will be known as "Crown exhibit A" at the trial once McGrattan exacts his revenge on Downie, or whichever other member of the Flyers he gets his grubby hands on the next time the two teams meet.
I'll say that Melnyk is a hypocrite. But guess what? I am too. I was happy when Steve Downie was traded to my hometown Peterborough Petes in 2005, even though I was fully aware of the ugly incident that led to the trade. I cheered for Downie, even after he served a five game suspension for jumping a Belleville Bulls player from behind and pounding on him while he lay prone on the ice. I cheered for Downie as he dove and cheap-shotted his way through two World Junior Championships, becoming a poster-boy for Canadian hockey. Of course, we all make excuses for players on our teams, but I still pulled for Downie even after the Petes unloaded him on the Rangers and he proceeded to have a complete meltdown after being ejected for sucker-punching a Guelph Storm player.
Am I at all to blame for what happened on Tuesday night? Only so far as that I am part of the enabling hockey culture that supports the stupid actions of these players. I refused to acknowledge that Downie was a meat-head because he was my meat-head and he was helping my teams win trophies (one OHL Championship and two WJHC Gold Medals). Now, having seen the logical result of Downie's progressive acts of lunacy, is it not a little hypocritical of me to condemn him? Why is this any different than his actions in the past? I'd like to think that if I were a Flyer fan (luckily my mother didn't paint any cupboards when she was pregnant with me, so I'm not) I would still be calling for a lengthy suspension, but I can't say for sure. I've made excuses for Tie Domi, Darcy Tucker and Shayne Corson. Who is to say I wouldn't be making them for Downie?
If there is one bright spot for Downie right now, it is that everyone will have forgotten about this three years from now. I mean, former Sunshine Boy Al Strachan managed to write a column for Fox Sports today about former New York Islander Todd Bertuzzi without once mentioning the Steve Moore incident. How is that possible? It's like writing a column about Barry Bonds and never mentioning performance enhancing drugs, or writing about OJ and not bringing up the fact that he killed the mother of his children. (Or like Damien Cox writing about the Leafs and not mentioning 1967.) But seriously, how can you discuss the reasons why people don't like Bertuzzi and not mention that he broke a man's neck when he blindsided him from behind like a coward?
How?
That earth-shattering scream of orgasmic pleasure you heard earlier this evening was no doubt Richard Griffin learning that Pat Gillick will soon be on the rebound...Gillick, you may recall, built two World Series teams in Toronto and is still the subject of weekly mash notes from the Toronto baseball scribes...The betting here is that Grimace's column calling for the Jays to can JP and bring back Gillick will be in Thursday's Star...I've got my skittles in the "under" pile...
David Shoalts informed us today that the Leafs weren't forced to take Mark Bell in the Vesa Toskala trade, which contradicts every piece of information I have ever heard, read, or watched regarding the deal..."We are told Ferguson lusted after Bell from the player's days with the Chicago Blackhawks," writes Shoalts, leaving it up to the reader to determine the identity of the deepthroat whispering into his royal ear...I'm guessing that it is either a tiny green alien banished from the planet Zetox for inventing a doomsday machine, or Shoalts just says things into a tape-recorder, plays the tape back, and quotes the un-named source in his column...
Mr. Till has labeled me a Barry Bonds apologist for my continued defence of everyone's favourite baseball blogger, so I will leave the commentary on Barry's departure from the Giants up to others...if you want to read insightful analysis of this saga, you must, of course, turn to Stephen Brunt...if you want to read coverage that is insipid, pointless, or just mind-bogglingly wrong, you can click here, here, and here, respectively...
Sorry for the short post today...I have to go to bed early tonight and get some rest...tomorrow is Lamebag Day!
By the final weekend of the season in the biggest game against the Canadiens, Raycroft pretty much threw up all over himself and had to be yanked.
Last night I saw a Raycroft jersey for half-price at Winners. It was vomit-free, so I imagine it was not a game-worn item. But hey, team record for wins, right?
-Colonel Walter E. Kurtz
I know Mr Jorn promised a moratorium on Toronto's own nattering nabob of negativism, but come on, you never really believed that, did you? Especially now that he's moved on from championing the Jason Frasors and Johnny MacDonalds of the world to a much stranger figure...
Tim Johnson's 88 wins as manager in 1998 continues as the team's best mark since '93. Great results for a first-year skipper, yet the only reaction Johnson's name evokes across North America is ridicule and laughter for his infamous lies about Vietnam. It's been long enough.
TIM JOHNSON!!!! Yes, Griffin's going Delta Force on this one, venturing deep into the shadowy recesses of his mind to rescue a baseball POW. But where Rambo had steroids and an M-16, Dick has to make due with a full arsenal of intellectually bankrupt, dishonest arguments. For instance, 1993 is a great cutoff. That year, the Jays won their second consecutive World Series under Cito Gaston, a manager who has never received another chance in the bigs since the White Jays fired him, despite two titles. Guess it hasn't been long enough.
Grimace goes on to point out that Johnson is not alone in having lied about his Vietnam service, though presumably he is the only guy to tell bogus stories about going over the top to get Pat Hentgen to move to the bullpen. He's right. Tim Johnson came clean about his years of deception, brought on my enormous guilt and anxiety, He made a mistake, paid the price, and deserves forgiveness.
My problem with this piece isn't about Tim Johnson. It's about Richard Griffin.
(I'll give you a minute to get over the shock).
Should it rank at the
same level of disgrace as Kobe Bryant,
Michael Vick, Tim Donaghy, Floyd Landis, Pete Rose, Shoeless Joe,
Jayson Williams, Ray Lewis, Rick Tocchet, Pacman Jones, Bill Belichick,
Mike Tyson, Ben Johnson or the F1 McLaren racing team?
His lone attempt since then to return to the majors was as advance scout for the Brewers. He didn't make it to Opening Day. Stress and guilt did him in.
Oh, so he has been given another shot, but he's still dealing with his personal demons.He hasn't been blackballed. So what was the point of this column again? Because you have nothing to write about, don't want to do any research, so instead want to pull yet another column out of your ass based on a beer-drinking session with a guy during the glory days of the Ash regime? Thanks for coming clean. That wasn't so hard, was it?
My continued exposure to Griffin's thought makes me long for the cleansing insanity of the Big Colonel:"Have you ever thought about any real freedoms? Freedom from the opinions of others...even from the opinions of yourself?"
Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition.
A). Can't read, or
B). Is completely fucking shameless in covering the ass of a fellow cartel member.
Either way, we're dealing with something bigger than Simmons' failure to grasp reality here. We used to believe that Toronto's ink-slingers were taking their cues from Cox (hence the name of the blog), but it is becoming quite apparent that Simmons is actually the head vampire. What else could explain why he still has a job, and why people like Berger and Jim Kelley (who we will get to later) are lining up to defend his wild speculations and straight up lies? In the immortal words of Corey Feldman, "you'd better get yourself a garlic t-shirt, buddy, or it is your ass."
Ready, steady, go:
... While quietly saying all the right things, GM Ferguson is privately seething at the clumsy way in which Leafs upper management attempted to either replace him or help him over the summer. In the end, all they ended up doing was undermining his shaken credibility ...
Imagine, dear reader, that you and I decided to beat up Mr. Till. Let's say we waited for him outside the video store, and as he walked outside we jumped him and I held him down and you punched him a few times. I'm positive Mr. Till would be quite pissed off, and it is safe to say that I would be a pretty shitty person for doing something like that. In fact, you could probably say I was an asshole. Now imagine that later that week Mr. Till visited our website and saw the following entry:
Jorn's Jottings
by Kim Jorn
...while quietly saying the right things, Godd Till is privately seething because a Coxbloc reader beat him up and stole his Corner Gas DVD.
Not only did I help lay a beating on Mr. Till, I have now written about it as if I had no role in the attack. Just in case you haven't grasped this very awkward and over-the-top analogy, this is exactly what Simmons is doing.
You may recall Simmons' explosive story from the spring in which he stated that Mats Sundin had a hip injury and would require surgery that could end his career. I'm not interested so much in the facts of this story, but here is a quick recap: Sundin had a torn labrum, still hasn't had surgery, and the Leafs reacted to the story like the Bush Administration on meth. Simmons was torn a new one by JFJ and some of the non-undead press, but in the end he was somewhat vindicated; Sundin did have an injury and the Leafs tried to cover it up. On the other hand, Simmons wasn't content with just the facts he was given (more on this in a minute), and did go to press with an outrageously speculative column about Sundin's career being in jeopardy.
What I am interested in is Simmons actively aiding the agenda of certain people at MLSE. Someone leaked Sundin's injury to Simmons. That person has never been named, but for now we'll say it was an entirely fictitious person named TARRY LANENBAUM who bears absolutely no resemblance to any real life person whatsoever. My sources tell me that there is a power struggle in the Leafs management and that Larry Tanenb - I mean TARRY LANENBAUM wants rid of JFJ, while Richard Peddie wants him to stay because he thinks it is funny to keep stringing along an impotent, lame-duck, inexperienced, and completely overwhelmed general manager. Regardless, it would have benefited someone in the Leafs management to leak this story to Simmons, making Ferguson look like a clueless idiot during negotiations with Sundin over a contract extension. And it worked.
Now, I don't fault Simmons for running with this story when it was dropped in his lap. Everyone wants a scoop, especially when they don't have to make one up out of thin air. Of course, Simmons wasn't happy just running the facts of the story and felt that he needed to embellish the whole thing in order to make JFJ look like an even worse hockey-man than he actually is. He clearly relished doing TARRY LANENBAUM's dirty work. Regardless of whether a columnist should be campaigning for people to lose their job (it happens everywhere), it would somewhat redeem Simmons if he could at least acknowledge his role in this sordid affair when he writes that Ferguson is upset about his treatment at the hands of MLSE:
...Turns out I won't be on JFJ's Christmas card list this year...While quietly saying all the right things, GM Ferguson is privately seething at the clumsy way in which Leafs upper management used me to make him look like an asshole during the summer. I really hoped that my column, in tandem with Machiavellian maneuvering in the Leafs front office, would get Fergie fired. In In the end, all we ended up doing was undermining his shaken credibility ...And hey, whatever happened to my integrity.
Of course, Simmons would never write something like that, and he doesn't need to when he has minions like Berger out there defending him without any provocation. And Berger isn't the only one. When the whole mess started in May, Jim Kelley fired off an inexplicable column on the Sportsnet website in which he went to great lengths to defend his dark overlord:
Steve Simmons, the columnist for the Toronto Sun is under a lot of fire these days, but for the life of me I can't understand why.
Simmons reported, accurately as it turns out, that Toronto Maple Leafs forward Mats Sundin has a hip problem. Prior to Simmons' story, this is something no one told us about. This was also a report that has not been denied.
True, Jim. But didn't Simmons also say that Sundin's injury was just like Alexander Mogilny's, state as a fact that Sundin requires surgery, and speculate that he may miss a season of hockey?
Simmons also reported that the hip problem might (and he stressed the word "might") need surgery and could be career threatening.
Keep in mind that Jim Kelley's angle was that he couldn't understand why Simmons was under fire. This means that, logically, he read the story in question and he either :
A). Can't read, or
B). Is completely fucking shameless in covering the ass of a fellow cartel member.
Here is what Simmons wrote on May 1, 2007:
Mats Sundin's future in Toronto
-- and his future as a National Hockey League player -- suddenly is in
question after it was learned yesterday that the Maple Leafs captain
requires hip surgery.
According to a source in the
medical community, Sundin needs surgery almost immediately to repair a
hip problem, complicating his still-to-be determined contractual status
with the Leafs.
The hip trouble and surgery is similar, the source says, to the operation that all but ended Alexander Mogilny's career as an NHL player at the age of 37.
Did you count all the mights in there. Don't worry if you missed them. There were none.
Why am I bringing this up now? Well, first of all, we didn't have this blog in May. Secondly, why do Simmons' fellow writers feel the need to publicly defend him? I speculated earlier that Simmons may be, in the immortal words of Corey Haim, a "goddamn shit-sucking vampire," but that probably isn't the case. Sure a few guys, Coxy included, criticized Simmons at the time, and many others probably just ignored it or wrote it off as Simmons being Simmons. Still, guys like Berger and Kelley feel the need to put themselves out there for this guy by either telling bald-faced lies (Simmons backs up his opinions with facts that have merit) or hairy-faced lies (Simmons never actually said Mats required surgery). It just doesn't make any sense.
THIS (IS SPECULATION) AND THAT (IS MORE SPECULATION)
Alright, enough with the old news and back to today's column.
Word around is that the new tough NHL was ready to give Mark Bell a 30-game suspension had he not shown such remorse and personal growth to the league. Doubt Ferguson, who said he did his due diligence on Bell, was aware of that when he tied up $2 million in summer cap money trading for him.
Seriously?!?
I am getting very tired of defending JFJ. I think he is in way over his head and really has no clue what he is doing. The only positive thing I can say about Junior is that his continued presence at the helm of the Leafs allows Garth Snow to go to sleep at night knowing that he isn't the worst GM in the NHL. On the other hand, I don't think he has been treated fairly by MLSE, but only because they should have fired him by now rather than signing him to one year contracts and dangling non-existent long-term extensions if front of him. However, Simmons is so fucking over-the-edge in his hatred of Junior that he'll grasp at the smallest of straws to try and make him look bad.
Fergie didn't trade for Bell, he got stuck with him as part of the Toskala deal. This sort of trade isn't uncommon, where one team has to take some extra baggage in order to get the player they truly want. Bell has one year left on his contract, and if he is Jeff O'Neill Part Two, it won't matter after this year. It isn't the best situation, but it had to be done in order to land Toskala. The most egregious part of Simmons little cheap-shot is that he has no way of knowing what Fergie was aware of when "he tied up $2 million in summer cap money trading for him." In fact, looking at what Simmons has written, it seems entirely possible that JFJ did do his due diligence, ascertained that Bell has displayed remorse and personal growth, and was confident that the NHL wouldn't give Bell a 30 game suspension. Of course I have no way of knowing what actually happened. But neither does Simmons.
HERE (IS A BOLD STATEMENT) AND THERE (IS A CONTRADICTION)
We finish of the week with this slice of Orwellian double-speak from our dear friend Simmons:
A waste of money: Whichever NHL team ends up signing Peter Forsberg. He has little left to offer ...
I really don't agree with this statement. I think every team in the NHL should be interested in signing Forsberg, but that is just my opinion. I wish I could find someone to support me on this; someone who backs up their opinions with facts that have merit. Oh...there is this guy named Steve Simmons who wrote this in his column less than a month ago:
... Why is it news when an NHL general manager contacts Peter Forsberg's agent to inquire about the player? Shouldn't it be news if a GM doesn't contact Don Baizley to ask about the most talented free agent left in the pool?,...
Thanks Steve. You make this too easy sometimes
My pal Steve Simmons of the Toronto Sun has been relentless in his view that Ferguson is unfit to run an NHL team and he supports that claim with facts that have merit.
And then I saw this interesting bit of information at Dictionary.com:
fact
[fakt] -noun
| 1. | something that actually exists; reality; truth: Your fears have no basis in fact. |
| 2. | something known to exist or to have happened: Space travel is now a fact. |
| 3. | a truth known by actual experience or observation; something known to be true: Scientists gather facts about plant growth. |
| 4. | something said to be true or supposed to have happened: The facts given by the witness are highly questionable. |
merit
[měr'ĭt] -noun.
1. Superior quality or worth; excellence: a proposal of some merit; an ill-advised plan without merit.
1. A quality deserving praise or approval; virtue: a store having the merit of being open late.
2. Law A party's strict legal rights, excluding jurisdictional, personal, or technical aspects.
3.The factual content of a matter, apart from emotional, contextual, or formal considerations.
2. Demonstrated ability or achievement: promotions based on merit alone.
For those of you unfamiliar with this blog and Simmons' relationship with meritorious facts, feel free to click here, here, here, or here.
Except, of course, for this one last time:
...I'm glad you brought up Moneyball. People are always accusing me
of misrepresenting what Moneyball was all about,
You said it was racist.
but there are so many
facets and interpretations that it's tough to say anyone is really
wrong.
Not tough at all really. You are wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. And, what you write in this mailbag reply is so beyond wrong that if a normal run-of-the-mill wrong was the dot on an i, your wrong would be the sun. Wrong.
But think about this. One of the Billy Beane precepts was to
look for college and, occasionally, high school hitters that were not
really the greatest athletes on their team but had the discipline to
wait for the right pitch and then smack the hell out of it when they
found it.
Um, shit, technically that isn't wrong (but it will get wrong quick). Getting on base and hitting for power are good things, and Billy Beane identified that these traits were being undervalued by scouts and major-league GMs. Beane was able to build his teams in the early part of this century around these types of players, which resulted in tremendous success for Beane's small-budget As (and a five year aneurysm for Dick Griffin).
On-base percentage, dude. That's the wave of the future.
Unlike the first 150 years of baseball, when getting on base was considered a bad thing. Dude.
Forget about how boring those four-hour games get. These were the bargains.
I think base-runners and home runs are exciting. I also think that A's fans don't care how long a game lasts, as long as their team is winning. What do you think is more exciting:
a). Watching a team hit home runs and make it to the playoffs five out of the past seven seasons.
b). Watching John McDonald ground out to second on the first pitch four times a game.
Okay, here is where things get really good. So far, the Grifter has given us his tortured description of what Moneyball is all about. Now he will tell us how Moneyball is responsible for steroids in baseball. I will refrain from making snarky comments until the end:
Now think of a college kid back then in the post-Mark McGwire era who knew he was always going to be on the fringe because he wasn't your most graceful natural athlete, but knew that if only he was a lot stronger, he could learn to play within himself and crush an occasional mistake pitch. As long as he didn't chase bad ones he could make an impact in this century's home run crazy major-league baseball. As for a position in the field, they could teach him to be adequate somewhere. Major league minimum of $319,000 (U.S.) is all that these kids wanted. That's the carrot. He had the stick. The rest was gravy. Before there was steroid testing, who, if they were on the fringe with a clear market for awkward sluggers, wouldn't take that plunge? Moneyball is over.
That last sentence is amazing. Moneyball is over. Griffin has resorted to just wishing his problems away, like someone hanging a "Mission Accomplished" banner on a warship in 2003 and declaring an end of the war in Iraq. What kind of moron...As for the Grif-man's argument regarding how Moneyball created baseball's steroid problem, or vice versa (I'm not sure)...well, I don't really know how to respond to it, since it makes absolutely no sense. In fact, I bet you that if I entered that paragraph into Google Translate and translated it into French and then German and then back to English it would actually make more sense. Lets see:
I was about to call it a draw until I got to the last sentence; even Google Translate knows that Griffin is wrong.
So there you have it, our last Griffin piece. It will be a shame to miss Grimey's columns on how Moneyball killed the dinosaurs, Moneyball's choreography of Britney's MTV Awards dance routine, Moneyball's role in 9-11, and Moneyball causing the collapse of the mortgage market. You'll have to tell us all about them.
In the meantime, if you need your fix of Griffin bashing, check out this site. It is great.
And if you just want a good laugh, click here.
The good news is that spectacular shortstop John McDonald confirmed he has agreed in principle to $3.8 million a two-year contract for the 2008-09 seasons. This ensures that the heart and soul of the Jays' defence will remain on the field supplying additional highlights like the double play last night, diving headlong up the middle then rolling and flipping the ball from his glove to Aaron Hill in one motion to set up the final out ... that never came.
Look, I watch a lot of Jays games, and McDonald has played outstanding defense. His play has been a bright spot in a trying season for Toronto fans. Bringing him back for $1.9 a year may not make a ton of sense, especially when the Jays appear to need an offensive upgrade or four, but given his D and the relatively low price, it's not a horrendous signing. Of course, guys like John McDonald are the definition of freely available talent; there are at least 5 guys in AAA who can do what he does and another guy (Ray Olmedo) doing it on the Jays bench for the league minimum. It's a PR move to keep a fan favourite, and reward a solid citizen. Nothing wrong with that. The problem is if you think that guys like John McDonald are players you can build a winning team around. Cause they're not. Especially as Griffin thinks that winning team is the 1985 Cardinals.
The biggest revelation this season has been the evolution of the likable McDonald from light-hitting utility man into an everyday shortstop. Never having been considered anything other than a bench player in five-plus major-league seasons, this is the first time he has not played on a one-year deal. This McDonald deserved a break today.
I would bet the biggest revelation would the emergence of MacGowan and Marcum as effective young starters making the league minimum (something that is actually a key to winning) than a bench player getting a starting job and playing like a bench player. Did you read that last sentence? Yeah, sorry about that. Grimace IS LOVIN' IT!!!
In this era of the "incredible shrinking slugger" the Angels are the only AL contender that seems to have noticed and made an adjustment to the new realities of major-league offence, relying on significant contribution from steals, bunts, defence and an aggressive running game. Other teams like the Jays are surely watching.
I didn't know defence was part of the 'new realities of major-league offence.' Trippy. The Red Sox and Yankees apparently have been too busy walking, hitting home runs, and leading the major leagues in scoring to notice. Poor saps. Where will they be in October?
One guy that wouldn't have to change to conform to a new "go-go Jays" theme is McDonald. He currently leads all AL shortstops in fielding percentage, but needs to play 18 of the last 19 games to qualify for the fielding title. He personifies any and all forms of potential Jays' small-ball.
There is an awful, but accurate word for this column. It is called 'wishcasting.' The Jays roster is not currently constructed to play small ball in any form. It is filled with low average hitters who walk, don't run. The amount of money invested in these guys means that isn't changing, no matter how devoutly Griffin wishes for a lineup of hitters who get on base 25% of the time.
McDonald is having the best year of his career, setting personal career highs in games, at-bats, hits, doubles and RBIs.
72 hits, 16 doubles, 28 RBIs. In a related note, I once again have the fewest losses in the majors.
Seriously, a guy having the best year of his career yet still putting up an OPS+ lower than Ne!f! Perez's lifetime mark is a pretty strong argument against this deal, you'd think.
For the signing of McDonald to be significant on a winning team, there must be eight other players contributing on offence while McDonald captains the D
And herein lies the problem. Playing McDonald everyday puts a huge drag on a lineup that has enough trouble scoring runs, and if he declines on defence at all, he's not good enough to be in the league. The Angels, who Griffin loves enough to copy and paste his mailbag love note into this column, have a SS who plays great defence too. His name is Orlando Cabrera. He also hits .300 with some pop and stolen bases. It's those types of players that are significant. But perhaps we should let Griffin enjoy the moment. He won't be this happy again till JP gets canned. Of course, if he fills his roster with John MacDonald's, it should be smiles all round by Christmas.
These people just haven't been reading carefully enough, much like those who read Moby Dick as a book about whaling or Citizen Kane as a film about newspapers. Simmons contains multitudes. Each subhead has its own title, offering oblique clues to the nature of the content offered, like deciphering the roadsigns in a David Lynch film - "This and That," "Hear And There," "Scene And Heard," "And Another Thing," each tantalize us like murky allusions to the rich subtext, the hidden meaning, the..... ahhh, screw it. Whatever happened to Lou Franchescetti?
The betting here is that both Blue Jays manager John Gibbons and hitting coach Mickey Brantley will be sacrificed by general manager J.P (Never My Fault) Ricciardi when this Jays season ends.
Number one, Kim and I are still waiting for Steve (Accountability in Journalism) Simmons's corrections about Barry Bond's home run total, or any number of other things really (How does ERA work again?) Number two, would anyone be surprised if Simmons actually did 'the betting here?' I'm picturing him in his bathrobe, moving a whole bunch of Skittles across the kitchen table to the "Dave Hodge will make fun of me on air by Christmas" pile.
Tom Barrasso has been named director of goaltending development for the Carolina Hurricanes. Among his responsibilities: Teaching goalies to be surly, abrupt, and discourteous. Just like he was ...
Outstanding. Tom Barrasso won two Stanley Cups, the Vezina Trophy, over 400 NHL regular season and playoff games. Upon getting his new job,four years after his retirement as a player, Steve Simmons needs to let you know he's a prick (unlike noted goaltending nice guys Patrick Roy, Terry Sawchuk and Eddie Belfour). On this evidence, I'm not surprised Barrasso was surly. He was getting paid to stop pucks, not change diapers and babysit.
A quick Super Bowl pick: San Diego Chargers to beat the team that represents the NFC. This is the year Norv Turner figures it out as a head coach ...
Seriously, of all the reasons to possibly pick the Chargers (they have the best player in the NFL, Rivers will keep developing, Merriman has improved his doping regimen) "they hired Norv Turner" ranks somewhere between "somebody's gotta win the Super Bowl" and "I think the other franchises are getting wiped out by the Ebola virus" for legitimacy.
A quick Pulitzer pick: Steve Simmons to beat journalism. This is the year he figures it out as a columnist.....
To be fair, there are a few interesting nuggets in the story, and it's always entertaining to hear Simmons bitch about getting canned. He also includes this gem:
In the early days of the radio station, getting paid was an art. You had to invoice, beg, invoice again, beg some more, and call the first program director, Allan Davis, numerous times before anything resembling a cheque would arrive.
Sounds like someone can't take a hint. I kid!
...published reports have linked Troy Glaus with the use of steroids and Rick Ankiel with the use of human growth hormone (HGH). The reports surfaced only hours after Ankiel, a $2-million (U.S.) bonus baby, made his debut as a major-league outfielder this season seven years after a playoff meltdown effectively ended his pitching career. He hit a pair of home runs and had seven RBIs in the St. Louis Cardinals' 16-4 win over the Pittsburgh Pirates.
Only hours after Ankiel made his debut? How about 672 hours, since Ankiel made his debut on August 9.
While many of us have been marveling at Ankiel's achievements for the past month (.358./409/.765 with 9 home runs and a 1.174 OPS), Blair wasn't apparently aware of this story until sometime early Friday morning. Ankiel's come back has been big news, and not just on the sports pages. This has been CNN/Good Morning America/Time Magazine sort of news. Disney was going to make a movie about Ankiel.
Yet, somehow, Blair was unaware. The man gets paid to write about baseball for Canada's national newspaper. Is it too much to ask for him to at least pay a little bit of attention to what happens in the game?
I hope he doesn't get upset when he finds out the Expos moved to Washington.
If you are a regular reader of Blair's column (or this site) you will know that the most likely reason for him having no fucking clue what is happening in the major leagues is because his consciousness has been plundered of all affection for baseball. Most of us fans are simple, naive folk who can't get through a day without the inspiring words or actions of a Major Leage baseball. Good thing we have Blair to remind us that baseball players are all self serving assholes who care only about themselves and their bank balances:
So, in the meantime, let's just say it's cautionary -- another reason to admire what these people do on the field while remembering that they get nice tax breaks for all those off-field charitable endeavours and that at the end of the day they're just doing whatever they can to make more money as fast as they can, blurring the rules and in some cases breaking them because individual or team success equates to greater wealth. They're no better than anyone else. You want inspiration? Best look elsewhere.
Yeah, fuck you Jim Abbot. You too Jim Morris.
Beckham, on the other hand, sprained his knee and has decided to quit on his team for the rest of the season. How is it that Arod can play baseball just hours after undergoing an MRI, but Beckham can't even compete in a sport designed for five-year old girls? It doesn't make sense. This kind of crap might fly in England, where men drink tea and ride horses, but this is North America where our athletes are tough-as-nails dudes who drink beer and drive sports-cars (often at the same time).
I know I'm going to get all kinds of letters from those footy-fascists filled with the same lame arguments: soccer is the beautiful game, the most popular sport in the world, the fastest growing sport among children in North America, and the only people who hate soccer are bitter, xenophobic, loudmouthed assholes. Well, don't bother because I'll shoot down your commie talking points right now: women's tennis is the "beautiful game, most of the people in the world are ignorant, kids are too dumb to know better, and just because I am a bitter, xenophobic, loudmouthed asshole doesn't mean that my opinion isn't valid. Are you trying to tell me that Larry the Cable Guy's opinion isn't valid? How about Bill O'Reilly? Don Cherry?
The soccer-mafia has brainwashed a lot of the stupid kids in this country, but their voodoo isn't going to work on seasoned sportswriters like myself and Coxy. It turns out Sports Illustrated's Michael Farber isn't drinking the kick-about kool-aid either. He really dealt the "world's game" a stiff blow to the chops with his insightful and well-reasoned analysis on this week's Reporters:
My thumb is down to David Beckham, who is hurt again. He sprained his knee and is probably gone for the rest of the season. That would make it 310 minutes he played for the LA Galaxy, which works out to about $21,000 a minute, in case you're keeping score. There was supposed to be a soccer revolution based on Beckham. He was supposed to get casual viewers to tune in. Well, you get one chance to make a first impression and that first impression is, Beckham's hurt again. At one point there was a buzz about David Beckham but now the only noise you hear is the pinging of the MRI machine.
Damn right Michael. Who the fuck does that fucking loser think he is, refusing to play because he is injured. Would a North American athlete ever sit on his ass to rehab an injury that could end his career if not properly treated? Of course not. Our highly paid athletes play through the pain. They suffer for the good of their team. And if, on the off chance, a professional athlete in North America was unable to perform, they would surely give their full salary back to their team or donate all of it to charity.
I have been saying all along that soccer was destined to fail in North America. I predicted that the U20 World Cup would sell less than one thousand tickets and that Toronto FC would be moved to some village in Mexico by the halfway point of this season. I'm still waiting to be proved right on these counts, but at least Beckham has shown that soccer and its supporters are totally fucking stupid. The small-minority of us sportswriters who stood up to the scourge of soccer will soon be vindicated. I just feel bad for guys like Coxy and Farber who can't fully express their true feelings about the game of soccer because of the PC editorial standards of the left-wing soccer-loving media. Luckily, due to the freedom of being a blogger, I don't have to code my hatred of soccer in criticism of David Beckham. I can tell you how we truly feel.
The Maple Leafs are going to honour their team's most vocal member opening night, Oct. 3, against the Ottawa Senators.
They'll mark play-by-play man Joe Bowen's 25th anniversary behind the
mike, the longest run of Leaf games other than hockey broadcast pioneer
Foster Hewitt. Bowen beganScott Niedermayer work in Toronto after radio
stints in his native Sudbury with the Wolves and in Halifax with the
Nova Scotia Voyageurs of the AHL. He eventually branched into mid-week
televised Leaf matches.
Scott Niedermayer, of course, is the captain of the defending Stanley Cup champions, a perennial Norris candidate who was drafted with the third overall pick that Leafs brass, gearing up for a playoff push that went nowhere, dealt to Jersey for the immortal Tom Kurvers.
Sharp-eyed readers will note there is a piece on Niedermayer below, and perhaps write it off as coincidence. However, don't be surprised if next week's Suns include sentences like "Toronto's homeless should welcome COURTNALL FOR KORDIC a new rehabilitation camp in Bowmanville,"Local police need to be allowed to do their jobs, especially when ONE SHOT IN THE THIRD PERIOD ARE YOU KIDDING ME it involves shooting OWEN NOLAN WHAT A BUST civilians in the back," or if they simply start referring to Dalton McGuinty as "Gord Stellick." Be careful out there.
As he aged, Mendeleyev became increasingly eccentric - he refused to acknowledge the existence of radiation or the electron or anything else much that was new and difficult. His final decades were spent mostly storming out of labs and lecture halls all across Europe.
Remind you of anyone?
Granted, Mendeleyev devised the Periodic Table of Elements, and all Griffin has done is help develop a theory that Moneyball is racist, but substitute OPS for radiation and EqA for electron, and...well, you get the picture.
On to the Mailbag:
The Angels have been, fortunately for their fans, on baseball's cutting edge; its re-learning curve as it heads upwards when it comes to realizing that small-ball is a necessity in this age of the incredible shrinking slugger.
The fact is that due to the recent crackdown on steroids, the average major league clubhouse this year has lost more cumulative slugging body-weight than a Jenny Craig program featuring Kirstie Alley, Oprah, Gord Stellick and Star Jones. The new MLB features teams with middle-of-the-order sluggers that used to swing the bat like John Daly with a Sasquatch, but now seem closer Danny DeVito and a Big Bertha.
Last week, Griffin mentioned that he watches Martha Stewart every morning. Today, he busts out a Star Jones joke. Does he write his columns on a laptop, sitting on the couch in his underwear while watching the View and Oprah? We may have something in common.
The Jays and many others still
think this is the late '90s and their big boppers are merely in a
slump. But it's over. The bash is now the blues. Baseball is returning
to a combination of retro clutch hitting, going from first to third on
a single, moving runners along and playing for one run at a time.
Looks like those of us who value OBP and hitting for power are on the wrong side of history. Mike "Che" Scioscia and his rag tag group of revolutionaries are bunting their way to the palace gates and heads are going to roll. But, just before Grimace gets fitted for his jester suit and takes his place in King Mike's Court, we should take a look at the numbers:
Total MLB home runs in 1997: 4,640
Total MLB home runs in 1998: 5,064
Total MLB home runs in 1999: 5,528
The average of 97-99 is 5,077. This season, MLB teams are on pace for around 5,081 home runs. The numbers have dropped since 99, but home run hitters definitely haven't gone the way of Fulgencio Batista.
(Note: the number of home runs increased by nearly 1,000 in two years in the late 90's. Nothing to do with the argument here, but that is insane. Of course, with the benefit of hindsight - and Game of Shadows, McGuire's performance on the hill, etc - it is all obvious now...but how did this go unquestioned at the time?)
Unfortunately for the Jays, their sluggers like Frank Thomas, Troy Glaus and Vernon Wells are signed at least through 2009 and are untradeable unless the Jays eat salary. Wells, Alex Rios, Aaron Hill and Reed Johnson have the ability to lead the Jays closer to the Angels' style of play, but as long as the current regime is in place, it will be discouraged. However, if the Angels win the World Series, there will be AL copycats and "real" baseball may make a comeback in the junior circuit - including with the Jays.
I get it.
"Real" baseball players:
Reed JohnsonShea Hillenbrand
Gary Matthews Jr.
David Eckstein
Juan Pierre
"Fake" baseball players:
Barry Bonds
David Ortiz
Babe Ruth
Frank Thomas
A-Rod
As soon as Kim Jorn's Barry Bondses finish pounding on Steve Simmons' Josh Towerses (the game is still in progress - my boys are by by 283 runs in the bottom of the fifth), I am going to challenge Grimace to put up his team of "real" players against my team of phonies. I need to get into a roto league with this guy.
Where was I? Oh yeah:....if the Angels win the World Series, there will be AL copycats and "real" baseball may make a comeback in the junior circuit - including with the Jays.
Just like how this year all the smart teams decided that the key to winning the World Series was being shitty and lucky, just like the Cardinals. The only team that seems to have made it work so far is Seattle - most likely due to the signing of Mr. Shitty-and-Lucky himself.
Seriously though...if the season ended today the American League would send the Angels, Yankees, Red Sox and Indians to the playoffs. Three of those teams would be there because of good pitching and lineups that get on base and and hit doubles and dingers and stuff. The other would be there because - in addition to good pitching - they are the clutchiest bunch of base-stealing, bunt-laying, first-to-third-taking, runner-moving, limousine-riding, jet-flying, wheeling, dealing, son-of-a-guns in all of baseball (Whoooooooooooooooo). The Blue Jays are much closer in philosophy to those teams that would fill up 3/4 playoff spots, yet Griffin thinks it would benefit the Jays - as well as the rest of the AL - to change-track and model themselves on the one-team-in-four that plays it old school. I guess it is time to sign Johnny Mac long-term and blow the rest of the team up.
