Becks Appeal
Watching Arod's performance last night got me to thinking about how that David Beckham guy is such a total fucking pansy. In case you missed it, Arod hobbled to the plate on crutches in the seventh inning and launched a 420 foot blast into the black seats at Yankee Stadium. Eight batters later - and after having his right foot amputated and leaving his bat on the bench - Arod knocked one into the left-field bleachers with his bare hand. It was pretty much the greatest sporting feat of all time.
Beckham, on the other hand, sprained his knee and has decided to quit on his team for the rest of the season. How is it that Arod can play baseball just hours after undergoing an MRI, but Beckham can't even compete in a sport designed for five-year old girls? It doesn't make sense. This kind of crap might fly in England, where men drink tea and ride horses, but this is North America where our athletes are tough-as-nails dudes who drink beer and drive sports-cars (often at the same time).
I know I'm going to get all kinds of letters from those footy-fascists filled with the same lame arguments: soccer is the beautiful game, the most popular sport in the world, the fastest growing sport among children in North America, and the only people who hate soccer are bitter, xenophobic, loudmouthed assholes. Well, don't bother because I'll shoot down your commie talking points right now: women's tennis is the "beautiful game, most of the people in the world are ignorant, kids are too dumb to know better, and just because I am a bitter, xenophobic, loudmouthed asshole doesn't mean that my opinion isn't valid. Are you trying to tell me that Larry the Cable Guy's opinion isn't valid? How about Bill O'Reilly? Don Cherry?
The soccer-mafia has brainwashed a lot of the stupid kids in this country, but their voodoo isn't going to work on seasoned sportswriters like myself and Coxy. It turns out Sports Illustrated's Michael Farber isn't drinking the kick-about kool-aid either. He really dealt the "world's game" a stiff blow to the chops with his insightful and well-reasoned analysis on this week's Reporters:
My thumb is down to David Beckham, who is hurt again. He sprained his knee and is probably gone for the rest of the season. That would make it 310 minutes he played for the LA Galaxy, which works out to about $21,000 a minute, in case you're keeping score. There was supposed to be a soccer revolution based on Beckham. He was supposed to get casual viewers to tune in. Well, you get one chance to make a first impression and that first impression is, Beckham's hurt again. At one point there was a buzz about David Beckham but now the only noise you hear is the pinging of the MRI machine.
Damn right Michael. Who the fuck does that fucking loser think he is, refusing to play because he is injured. Would a North American athlete ever sit on his ass to rehab an injury that could end his career if not properly treated? Of course not. Our highly paid athletes play through the pain. They suffer for the good of their team. And if, on the off chance, a professional athlete in North America was unable to perform, they would surely give their full salary back to their team or donate all of it to charity.
I have been saying all along that soccer was destined to fail in North America. I predicted that the U20 World Cup would sell less than one thousand tickets and that Toronto FC would be moved to some village in Mexico by the halfway point of this season. I'm still waiting to be proved right on these counts, but at least Beckham has shown that soccer and its supporters are totally fucking stupid. The small-minority of us sportswriters who stood up to the scourge of soccer will soon be vindicated. I just feel bad for guys like Coxy and Farber who can't fully express their true feelings about the game of soccer because of the PC editorial standards of the left-wing soccer-loving media. Luckily, due to the freedom of being a blogger, I don't have to code my hatred of soccer in criticism of David Beckham. I can tell you how we truly feel.
Beckham, on the other hand, sprained his knee and has decided to quit on his team for the rest of the season. How is it that Arod can play baseball just hours after undergoing an MRI, but Beckham can't even compete in a sport designed for five-year old girls? It doesn't make sense. This kind of crap might fly in England, where men drink tea and ride horses, but this is North America where our athletes are tough-as-nails dudes who drink beer and drive sports-cars (often at the same time).
I know I'm going to get all kinds of letters from those footy-fascists filled with the same lame arguments: soccer is the beautiful game, the most popular sport in the world, the fastest growing sport among children in North America, and the only people who hate soccer are bitter, xenophobic, loudmouthed assholes. Well, don't bother because I'll shoot down your commie talking points right now: women's tennis is the "beautiful game, most of the people in the world are ignorant, kids are too dumb to know better, and just because I am a bitter, xenophobic, loudmouthed asshole doesn't mean that my opinion isn't valid. Are you trying to tell me that Larry the Cable Guy's opinion isn't valid? How about Bill O'Reilly? Don Cherry?
The soccer-mafia has brainwashed a lot of the stupid kids in this country, but their voodoo isn't going to work on seasoned sportswriters like myself and Coxy. It turns out Sports Illustrated's Michael Farber isn't drinking the kick-about kool-aid either. He really dealt the "world's game" a stiff blow to the chops with his insightful and well-reasoned analysis on this week's Reporters:
My thumb is down to David Beckham, who is hurt again. He sprained his knee and is probably gone for the rest of the season. That would make it 310 minutes he played for the LA Galaxy, which works out to about $21,000 a minute, in case you're keeping score. There was supposed to be a soccer revolution based on Beckham. He was supposed to get casual viewers to tune in. Well, you get one chance to make a first impression and that first impression is, Beckham's hurt again. At one point there was a buzz about David Beckham but now the only noise you hear is the pinging of the MRI machine.
Damn right Michael. Who the fuck does that fucking loser think he is, refusing to play because he is injured. Would a North American athlete ever sit on his ass to rehab an injury that could end his career if not properly treated? Of course not. Our highly paid athletes play through the pain. They suffer for the good of their team. And if, on the off chance, a professional athlete in North America was unable to perform, they would surely give their full salary back to their team or donate all of it to charity.
I have been saying all along that soccer was destined to fail in North America. I predicted that the U20 World Cup would sell less than one thousand tickets and that Toronto FC would be moved to some village in Mexico by the halfway point of this season. I'm still waiting to be proved right on these counts, but at least Beckham has shown that soccer and its supporters are totally fucking stupid. The small-minority of us sportswriters who stood up to the scourge of soccer will soon be vindicated. I just feel bad for guys like Coxy and Farber who can't fully express their true feelings about the game of soccer because of the PC editorial standards of the left-wing soccer-loving media. Luckily, due to the freedom of being a blogger, I don't have to code my hatred of soccer in criticism of David Beckham. I can tell you how we truly feel.
