Lamebag: A Grimace Divided Cannot Stand
This week's Lamebag revealed Griffin to share much with his rotund, burger pimpin' namesake. Like Grimace, Griffin is really two people - cuddly and happy (or fuzzy and grumpy) on the outside, inside lurks an exploited teenager about to go down to his third case of heatstroke, or a real baseball writer yearning to break free of his unending screeds against JP Ricciardi, taking pitches, and people who can check their email without having to call the intern in to print out their mailbag questions.
Both Grimace/Griffin are on display in this Lamebag, and the struggle between the two selves makes for captivating reading. Think Batman Begins, but with more typing and Matt Stairs. There are a couple Q&As sandbagging JPs farm system, then arguing for the Jays to trade their (apparently nonexistent) prospects instead of rebuilding it, in order to acquire a veteran starter. This #4 would bolster the Jays promising young rotation, who apparently did not come through the Jays farm system, but rather were grown in a pod farm behind Gord Ash's lake house.
But when given questions that take him away from the unending cycle of JPicide, you can almost see the glint in Griffin's eyes as he tears into them with energy and wit. Take this one, in response to a question about whether instant replay would reduce manager-umpire rhubarbs:
As for the hissy-fits, the time spent on those would be replaced by the drama of a replay flag being tossed from the dugout, followed by two minutes of Bruce Froemming's ass as he stares into a hooded replay monitor. Yikes!
As if his shock collar was activated by cracking an actual decent joke, the next answer returns to rote JP bashing, before he closes strong with an informative, entertaining answer to a question about handedness and defensive positioning. It might not happen till JP gets canned (and Griffin may not be appeased by anything less than a ritual sacrifice at this point), but Toronto may have a useful baseball writer under the purple suit. Maybe if he got some more decent questions (I'm looking at you, Will "I think Russ Adams is pretty clutch" in Toronto), we just might find out.
Both Grimace/Griffin are on display in this Lamebag, and the struggle between the two selves makes for captivating reading. Think Batman Begins, but with more typing and Matt Stairs. There are a couple Q&As sandbagging JPs farm system, then arguing for the Jays to trade their (apparently nonexistent) prospects instead of rebuilding it, in order to acquire a veteran starter. This #4 would bolster the Jays promising young rotation, who apparently did not come through the Jays farm system, but rather were grown in a pod farm behind Gord Ash's lake house.
But when given questions that take him away from the unending cycle of JPicide, you can almost see the glint in Griffin's eyes as he tears into them with energy and wit. Take this one, in response to a question about whether instant replay would reduce manager-umpire rhubarbs:
As for the hissy-fits, the time spent on those would be replaced by the drama of a replay flag being tossed from the dugout, followed by two minutes of Bruce Froemming's ass as he stares into a hooded replay monitor. Yikes!
As if his shock collar was activated by cracking an actual decent joke, the next answer returns to rote JP bashing, before he closes strong with an informative, entertaining answer to a question about handedness and defensive positioning. It might not happen till JP gets canned (and Griffin may not be appeased by anything less than a ritual sacrifice at this point), but Toronto may have a useful baseball writer under the purple suit. Maybe if he got some more decent questions (I'm looking at you, Will "I think Russ Adams is pretty clutch" in Toronto), we just might find out.
Leave a comment