Lamebag - Viva La Revolucion!

I recently came across this description of the Russian chemist Dmitri Mendeleyev in Bill Bryson's A Short History of Nearly Everything:

As he aged, Mendeleyev became increasingly eccentric - he refused to acknowledge the existence of radiation or the electron or anything else much that was new and difficult. His final decades were spent mostly storming out of labs and lecture halls all across Europe.

Remind you of anyone?

Granted, Mendeleyev devised the Periodic Table of Elements, and all Griffin has done is help develop a theory that Moneyball is racist, but substitute OPS for radiation and EqA for electron, and...well, you get the picture.

On to the Mailbag:

The Angels have been, fortunately for their fans, on baseball's cutting edge; its re-learning curve as it heads upwards when it comes to realizing that small-ball is a necessity in this age of the incredible shrinking slugger.

The fact is that due to the recent crackdown on steroids, the average major league clubhouse this year has lost more cumulative slugging body-weight than a Jenny Craig program featuring Kirstie Alley, Oprah, Gord Stellick and Star Jones. The new MLB features teams with middle-of-the-order sluggers that used to swing the bat like John Daly with a Sasquatch, but now seem closer Danny DeVito and a Big Bertha.

Last week, Griffin mentioned that he watches Martha Stewart every morning. Today, he busts out a Star Jones joke. Does he write his columns on a laptop, sitting on the couch in his underwear while watching the View and Oprah? We may have something in common.

The Jays and many others still think this is the late '90s and their big boppers are merely in a slump. But it's over. The bash is now the blues. Baseball is returning to a combination of retro clutch hitting, going from first to third on a single, moving runners along and playing for one run at a time.

Looks like those of us who value OBP and hitting for power are on the wrong side of history. Mike "Che" Scioscia and his rag tag group of revolutionaries are bunting their way to the palace gates and heads are going to roll. But, just before Grimace gets fitted for his jester suit and takes his place in King Mike's Court, we should take a look at the numbers:

Total MLB home runs in 1997: 4,640
Total MLB home runs in 1998: 5,064
Total MLB home runs in 1999: 5,528

Total MLB home runs in 2006: 5,386

The average of 97-99 is 5,077. This season, MLB teams are on pace for around 5,081 home runs. The numbers have dropped since 99, but home run hitters definitely haven't gone the way of Fulgencio Batista.

(Note: the number of home runs increased by nearly 1,000 in two years in the late 90's. Nothing to do with the argument here, but that is insane. Of course, with the benefit of hindsight - and Game of Shadows, McGuire's performance on the hill, etc - it is all obvious now...but how did this go unquestioned at the time?)

Unfortunately for the Jays, their sluggers like Frank Thomas, Troy Glaus and Vernon Wells are signed at least through 2009 and are untradeable unless the Jays eat salary. Wells, Alex Rios, Aaron Hill and Reed Johnson have the ability to lead the Jays closer to the Angels' style of play, but as long as the current regime is in place, it will be discouraged. However, if the Angels win the World Series, there will be AL copycats and "real" baseball may make a comeback in the junior circuit - including with the Jays.

I get it.

"Real" baseball players:

Reed Johnson

Shea Hillenbrand
Gary Matthews Jr.
David Eckstein
Juan Pierre

"Fake" baseball players:

Barry Bonds
David Ortiz
Babe Ruth
Frank Thomas
A-Rod

As soon as Kim Jorn's Barry Bondses finish pounding on Steve Simmons' Josh Towerses (the game is still in progress - my boys are by by 283 runs in the bottom of the fifth), I am going to challenge Grimace to put up his team of "real" players against my team of phonies. I need to get into a roto league with this guy.

Where was I? Oh yeah:

....if the Angels win the World Series, there will be AL copycats and "real" baseball may make a comeback in the junior circuit - including with the Jays.

Just like how this year all the smart teams decided that the key to winning the World Series was being shitty and lucky, just like the Cardinals. The only team that seems to have made it work so far is Seattle - most likely due to the signing of Mr. Shitty-and-Lucky himself.

Seriously though...if the season ended today the American League would send the Angels, Yankees, Red Sox and Indians to the playoffs. Three of those teams would be there because of good pitching and lineups that get on base and and hit doubles and dingers and stuff. The other would be there because - in addition to good pitching - they are the clutchiest bunch of base-stealing, bunt-laying, first-to-third-taking, runner-moving, limousine-riding, jet-flying, wheeling, dealing, son-of-a-guns in all of baseball (Whoooooooooooooooo). The Blue Jays are much closer in philosophy to those teams that would fill up 3/4 playoff spots, yet Griffin thinks it would benefit the Jays - as well as the rest of the AL - to change-track and model themselves on the one-team-in-four that plays it old school. I guess it is time to sign Johnny Mac long-term and blow the rest of the team up.