Simmons Says: ALL IN!!!!!
Longtime readers of Simmon's Sunday brainsqueeze might object to the fact that, on first glance, it looks like a bunch of random items, thirdhand quotes, and tired scuttlebutt without form or structure, linked only by ellipses. Ellipses which, if they were translated to speech would sound a lot like "UHHHHH." (Try it with me "The Jays are extremely disappointed with Casey Janssen's velocity UHHHHHHHHH Was that John Daly at Don Cherry's last week? The bartenders musta been happy UHHHHHH).
These people just haven't been reading carefully enough, much like those who read Moby Dick as a book about whaling or Citizen Kane as a film about newspapers. Simmons contains multitudes. Each subhead has its own title, offering oblique clues to the nature of the content offered, like deciphering the roadsigns in a David Lynch film - "This and That," "Hear And There," "Scene And Heard," "And Another Thing," each tantalize us like murky allusions to the rich subtext, the hidden meaning, the..... ahhh, screw it. Whatever happened to Lou Franchescetti?
The betting here is that both Blue Jays manager John Gibbons and hitting coach Mickey Brantley will be sacrificed by general manager J.P (Never My Fault) Ricciardi when this Jays season ends.
Number one, Kim and I are still waiting for Steve (Accountability in Journalism) Simmons's corrections about Barry Bond's home run total, or any number of other things really (How does ERA work again?) Number two, would anyone be surprised if Simmons actually did 'the betting here?' I'm picturing him in his bathrobe, moving a whole bunch of Skittles across the kitchen table to the "Dave Hodge will make fun of me on air by Christmas" pile.
Tom Barrasso has been named director of goaltending development for the Carolina Hurricanes. Among his responsibilities: Teaching goalies to be surly, abrupt, and discourteous. Just like he was ...
Outstanding. Tom Barrasso won two Stanley Cups, the Vezina Trophy, over 400 NHL regular season and playoff games. Upon getting his new job,four years after his retirement as a player, Steve Simmons needs to let you know he's a prick (unlike noted goaltending nice guys Patrick Roy, Terry Sawchuk and Eddie Belfour). On this evidence, I'm not surprised Barrasso was surly. He was getting paid to stop pucks, not change diapers and babysit.
A quick Super Bowl pick: San Diego Chargers to beat the team that represents the NFC. This is the year Norv Turner figures it out as a head coach ...
Seriously, of all the reasons to possibly pick the Chargers (they have the best player in the NFL, Rivers will keep developing, Merriman has improved his doping regimen) "they hired Norv Turner" ranks somewhere between "somebody's gotta win the Super Bowl" and "I think the other franchises are getting wiped out by the Ebola virus" for legitimacy.
A quick Pulitzer pick: Steve Simmons to beat journalism. This is the year he figures it out as a columnist.....
These people just haven't been reading carefully enough, much like those who read Moby Dick as a book about whaling or Citizen Kane as a film about newspapers. Simmons contains multitudes. Each subhead has its own title, offering oblique clues to the nature of the content offered, like deciphering the roadsigns in a David Lynch film - "This and That," "Hear And There," "Scene And Heard," "And Another Thing," each tantalize us like murky allusions to the rich subtext, the hidden meaning, the..... ahhh, screw it. Whatever happened to Lou Franchescetti?
The betting here is that both Blue Jays manager John Gibbons and hitting coach Mickey Brantley will be sacrificed by general manager J.P (Never My Fault) Ricciardi when this Jays season ends.
Number one, Kim and I are still waiting for Steve (Accountability in Journalism) Simmons's corrections about Barry Bond's home run total, or any number of other things really (How does ERA work again?) Number two, would anyone be surprised if Simmons actually did 'the betting here?' I'm picturing him in his bathrobe, moving a whole bunch of Skittles across the kitchen table to the "Dave Hodge will make fun of me on air by Christmas" pile.
Tom Barrasso has been named director of goaltending development for the Carolina Hurricanes. Among his responsibilities: Teaching goalies to be surly, abrupt, and discourteous. Just like he was ...
Outstanding. Tom Barrasso won two Stanley Cups, the Vezina Trophy, over 400 NHL regular season and playoff games. Upon getting his new job,four years after his retirement as a player, Steve Simmons needs to let you know he's a prick (unlike noted goaltending nice guys Patrick Roy, Terry Sawchuk and Eddie Belfour). On this evidence, I'm not surprised Barrasso was surly. He was getting paid to stop pucks, not change diapers and babysit.
A quick Super Bowl pick: San Diego Chargers to beat the team that represents the NFC. This is the year Norv Turner figures it out as a head coach ...
Seriously, of all the reasons to possibly pick the Chargers (they have the best player in the NFL, Rivers will keep developing, Merriman has improved his doping regimen) "they hired Norv Turner" ranks somewhere between "somebody's gotta win the Super Bowl" and "I think the other franchises are getting wiped out by the Ebola virus" for legitimacy.
A quick Pulitzer pick: Steve Simmons to beat journalism. This is the year he figures it out as a columnist.....
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