Simmons Says: We're Welcome
Thanksgiving, a time when a fellow's mind turns to the blessings he has to be grateful for. I'm thankful the Habs coughed up a 3-1 hairball last night. I'm thankful I don't live in Ottawa. I'm thankful for many things. But as a blogger, I, (actually we - the royal we, the editorial we) am thankful, most of all, for Steve Simmons. Damien Cox may have given this blog its name, but in terms of day-to-day lunacy DC Talk has so far proven to be a neglected plate of brussels sprouts next to Simmons, the big golden turkey we can't stop carving.
In the spirit of the season, Steve's Sunday effort is a feast of idiocy with all the trimmings. He starts with a call for Walt Jocketty and La Russa to take over the Jays:
It says here the odds of the Jays getting to the post-season would increase dramatically with Jocketty and LaRussa running the Jays.
So it says here (where? Simmons bathroom mirror? The messages in his Alpha Bits? The code Mr Belvedere speaks to him that no one else understands?) that if the Jays hired these two, fresh off a 78-win season in baseball's worst division, Simmons is putting his Skittles back on the Jays pile. Hey, they built the worst World Series champion ever, so maybe he's on to something.
Truth in numbers: Sundin needed 65 more games to score the same number of goals Darryl Sittler managed with the Leafs. The total of 389 would put either of them sixth on the career Montreal Canadiens list behind Rocket Richard, Guy Lafleur, Jean Beliveau, Yvon Cournoyer and Steve Shutt .
This just in - Mats Sundin is not as good as Rocket Richard or Jean Beliveau. Reporting that's worth waiting a week for! Though I wonder how many goals Steve Shutt would have had playing his career with the 1970s equivalents of Jonas Hoglund and Derek King. This list made me think though - with all these great players, maybe the Canadiens have won a lot of Stanley Cups. Like, more than the Maple Leafs? Get back to us next Sunday, Steve!
This is how you know the Phoenix Coyotes want Steven Stamkos or Drew Doughty next June. Mikael Tellqvist is the starting goalie. The backups are Alex Auld and David Aebischer.
Oh, if the Coyotes are benching perennial Vezina candidates like Auld and Aebischer, they must be tanking! Or maybe better evidence is that the Coyotes are dressing 17 shitty forwards, 3 shitty defencemen, and yes 3 shitty goalies every night. Oh wait TELLQVIST SUCKS! HE WAS ON THE LEAFS! DERP!
Isiah Thomas wasn't into a whole lot of sexual harassment when he ran the Raptors but he was into making sure he had a lot of small bills in his pocket on most days .
Pardon?
According to every fantasy football expert in the world -- and honest, there are such people -- the obvious top picks this NFL season were LaDainian Tomlinson, Steven Jackson and Larry Jackson. So much for experts. All three are either hurt or having crummy seasons.
Idiot "experts," telling you to pick the league MVP who set records in TDs and points last year. Since the NFL season is over after four games, we all know he was a bust. I share Simmons' surprise that "Larry Jackson" was recommended so highly. He hasn't put up elite numbers since he won 24 games for the 1964 Cubs, and he's been dead almost twenty years. I guess I just don't understand football, though I agree that no matter what the sport, people who make stupid predictions deserve to be mocked a month into the season.
Norv Turner, a terrific offensive co-ordinator, has made a terrible mess of the San Diego Chargers as head coach, which is really nothing new. He did the same in Oakland and Washington in previous stints as a head coach.
Good point here. But wait! My God!!! That's STEVE SIMMONS'S music!!!
A quick Super Bowl pick: San Diego Chargers to beat the team that represents the NFC. This is the year Norv Turner figures it out as a head coach ...
Simmons Says, 28 short days ago.
Again, we really can't thank him enough.
In the spirit of the season, Steve's Sunday effort is a feast of idiocy with all the trimmings. He starts with a call for Walt Jocketty and La Russa to take over the Jays:
It says here the odds of the Jays getting to the post-season would increase dramatically with Jocketty and LaRussa running the Jays.
So it says here (where? Simmons bathroom mirror? The messages in his Alpha Bits? The code Mr Belvedere speaks to him that no one else understands?) that if the Jays hired these two, fresh off a 78-win season in baseball's worst division, Simmons is putting his Skittles back on the Jays pile. Hey, they built the worst World Series champion ever, so maybe he's on to something.
Truth in numbers: Sundin needed 65 more games to score the same number of goals Darryl Sittler managed with the Leafs. The total of 389 would put either of them sixth on the career Montreal Canadiens list behind Rocket Richard, Guy Lafleur, Jean Beliveau, Yvon Cournoyer and Steve Shutt .
This just in - Mats Sundin is not as good as Rocket Richard or Jean Beliveau. Reporting that's worth waiting a week for! Though I wonder how many goals Steve Shutt would have had playing his career with the 1970s equivalents of Jonas Hoglund and Derek King. This list made me think though - with all these great players, maybe the Canadiens have won a lot of Stanley Cups. Like, more than the Maple Leafs? Get back to us next Sunday, Steve!
This is how you know the Phoenix Coyotes want Steven Stamkos or Drew Doughty next June. Mikael Tellqvist is the starting goalie. The backups are Alex Auld and David Aebischer.
Oh, if the Coyotes are benching perennial Vezina candidates like Auld and Aebischer, they must be tanking! Or maybe better evidence is that the Coyotes are dressing 17 shitty forwards, 3 shitty defencemen, and yes 3 shitty goalies every night. Oh wait TELLQVIST SUCKS! HE WAS ON THE LEAFS! DERP!
Isiah Thomas wasn't into a whole lot of sexual harassment when he ran the Raptors but he was into making sure he had a lot of small bills in his pocket on most days .
Pardon?
According to every fantasy football expert in the world -- and honest, there are such people -- the obvious top picks this NFL season were LaDainian Tomlinson, Steven Jackson and Larry Jackson. So much for experts. All three are either hurt or having crummy seasons.
Idiot "experts," telling you to pick the league MVP who set records in TDs and points last year. Since the NFL season is over after four games, we all know he was a bust. I share Simmons' surprise that "Larry Jackson" was recommended so highly. He hasn't put up elite numbers since he won 24 games for the 1964 Cubs, and he's been dead almost twenty years. I guess I just don't understand football, though I agree that no matter what the sport, people who make stupid predictions deserve to be mocked a month into the season.
Norv Turner, a terrific offensive co-ordinator, has made a terrible mess of the San Diego Chargers as head coach, which is really nothing new. He did the same in Oakland and Washington in previous stints as a head coach.
Good point here. But wait! My God!!! That's STEVE SIMMONS'S music!!!
A quick Super Bowl pick: San Diego Chargers to beat the team that represents the NFC. This is the year Norv Turner figures it out as a head coach ...
Simmons Says, 28 short days ago.
Again, we really can't thank him enough.
"Truth in numbers: Sundin needed 65 more games to score the same number of goals Darryl Sittler managed with the Leafs. The total of 389 would put either of them sixth on the career Montreal Canadiens list behind Rocket Richard, Guy Lafleur, Jean Beliveau, Yvon Cournoyer and Steve Shutt."
He has the easiest job on the planet...it requires very little thought, zero creativity and as you mention he continues to prove it.
Was watching LEAFSTV today figuring they would have more info about the Jason Blake announcement. I watched with great interest as I had a sparkling, shining Twooney on with the line with my father.
The bet....which whore/genius/"journalist" will be the first to ask Jason Blake how his family felt when they heard about his cancer, because clearly thats a question that needs to be answered...perhaps his family would have been happy or maybe disappointed/embarrassed in having a cancer patient in the family...please somebody get to the bottom of this mystery...oh he started to cry as he mentioned his kids...didn't see that coming........Thank you Howard Berger for the Thanksgiving Twooney.
Pob Rearson...love the name.
Neither Mr. Till nor I get Leafs TV, and I feel like we are missing out on a whole world of idiocy by not being able to watch the press conferences. Please keep these tidbits coming.