Apocalypse Now! Or Later!
If therefore thou shalt not watch, I will come on thee as a
thief, and thou shalt not know what hour I will come upon thee.
-Revelation 3:3
Another week, another blanking by Richard Griffin. I know most of our questions are pretty dumb, but when you look at the caliber of the queries that usually appear in the Lamebag, well...let's just say that I hope we're not the only idiots out there pranking Mr. Griffin.
Not too much to complain about in today's mailbag. My only quibble is with an unnecessary "more" when Griffin refers to Marco Scutaro as Johnny Mac with "more pop", but really, that is it. In fact, Griffin actually wrote one of the best paragraph's I've seen in Toronto sports section since...well...since...maybe ever:
While Springsteen's Born to Run may have been the anthem for the Expos, it seems David Bowie's Station to Station is the opus of choice for the Jays' stagnant offence. Of course during the Station recording sessions Bowie was all coked up, so maybe both albums can be claimed by the Expos of that era, back in the daze.
A little forced, and quite dated, but excellent nonetheless.
My theory to explain the lack of craziness in today's mailbag is that Griffin is just too depressed right now to claim that Moneyball is racist, or that Moneyball created steroids, or that Moneyball causes global warming, or that Moneyball relegated Pluto from planet to plain old cold rock. It must be hard for Griffin - knowing that his six year quest to get JP shit-canned has failed - to have to stand in the Press Club buffet line-up and listen to a giddy Steve Simmons crow about the imminent dismissal of JFJ. The betting here says that Griffin owes Simmons a few bags of skittles.
Yep, it definitely looks like Simmons is getting his Christmas present early this year. Or maybe late. Sometime before next June, surely (which would actually make it an early Christmas present for next year). Brylcreem Jr's days are numbered, but what that number is, we don't have a clue. As Jesus said to Matthew, no man knows the day or the hour. I thought he would be fired on Monday, but there he was last night, muttering to himself in the rafters at the ACC. He seems to have survived today. Maybe the axe falls after the Leafs get burned in Atlanta on Thursday? Regardless of when it comes, Fergie's day of reckoning is approaching.
So why are the Leafs putting him through this?
Mr. Till and I sat a few rows in front of Fergie at a Peterborough Petes game during the lockout, but didn't speak to him because we were too busy trying to convince a Phoenix scout that the Coyotes should take Darryl Flowers with their first round draft pick. While we didn't get a chance to meet him, pretty much everyone else at the game did. JFJ shook hands and spoke with every single person who approached him. This may have been a display of skills better suited to being a WalMart greeter rather than a hockey executive, but he clearly struck me as a decent person. A crap GM, but a decent person.
Fergie has made some horrible decisions that are going to set this team back for years. The roll call is depressing: Belfour, Domi, McCabe, Kubina, Raycroft, Lindros, Allison, Blake, the continued presence of Wozniewski on the roster and draft pick after draft pick tossed away. You can make a good argument that these weren't all Fergie's mistakes, and that he was put in an impossible position by the Peddie-philes and Tanenbaumenites at MLSE, but where the blame lies doesn't really matter any more.
The Leafs are in more trouble than Joe Klein at a truth-telling contest, and Fergie is going to pay the price. Is it too much to ask for him to be able to retain his dignity? Working Class Howard continued his fight for the downtrodden today, advising Fergie to make sure that he doesn't have his self-esteem destroyed by both his enemies and his frienemies at MLSE. Surely, when your biggest supporter calls your hiring a mistake, your self-worth is bound to take a beating. Unfortunately, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen have yet to release their Chicken Soup for the Totally Fucked NHL GMs Soul.
So, why not get it over with and hire an interim GM for the rest of the season? Couldn't Gord Stellick do this job? If the GM is simply a figurehead with no power, it shouldn't matter who has the title. The Leafs need to do the decent thing and put Fergie out of his misery so that he can go on with his life, we can go on with ours, and Richard Griffin can get back on track with his campaign to rid us of Toronto's other incompetent but immaculately-coiffed GM.
-Revelation 3:3
Another week, another blanking by Richard Griffin. I know most of our questions are pretty dumb, but when you look at the caliber of the queries that usually appear in the Lamebag, well...let's just say that I hope we're not the only idiots out there pranking Mr. Griffin.
Not too much to complain about in today's mailbag. My only quibble is with an unnecessary "more" when Griffin refers to Marco Scutaro as Johnny Mac with "more pop", but really, that is it. In fact, Griffin actually wrote one of the best paragraph's I've seen in Toronto sports section since...well...since...maybe ever:
While Springsteen's Born to Run may have been the anthem for the Expos, it seems David Bowie's Station to Station is the opus of choice for the Jays' stagnant offence. Of course during the Station recording sessions Bowie was all coked up, so maybe both albums can be claimed by the Expos of that era, back in the daze.
A little forced, and quite dated, but excellent nonetheless.
My theory to explain the lack of craziness in today's mailbag is that Griffin is just too depressed right now to claim that Moneyball is racist, or that Moneyball created steroids, or that Moneyball causes global warming, or that Moneyball relegated Pluto from planet to plain old cold rock. It must be hard for Griffin - knowing that his six year quest to get JP shit-canned has failed - to have to stand in the Press Club buffet line-up and listen to a giddy Steve Simmons crow about the imminent dismissal of JFJ. The betting here says that Griffin owes Simmons a few bags of skittles.
Yep, it definitely looks like Simmons is getting his Christmas present early this year. Or maybe late. Sometime before next June, surely (which would actually make it an early Christmas present for next year). Brylcreem Jr's days are numbered, but what that number is, we don't have a clue. As Jesus said to Matthew, no man knows the day or the hour. I thought he would be fired on Monday, but there he was last night, muttering to himself in the rafters at the ACC. He seems to have survived today. Maybe the axe falls after the Leafs get burned in Atlanta on Thursday? Regardless of when it comes, Fergie's day of reckoning is approaching.
So why are the Leafs putting him through this?
Mr. Till and I sat a few rows in front of Fergie at a Peterborough Petes game during the lockout, but didn't speak to him because we were too busy trying to convince a Phoenix scout that the Coyotes should take Darryl Flowers with their first round draft pick. While we didn't get a chance to meet him, pretty much everyone else at the game did. JFJ shook hands and spoke with every single person who approached him. This may have been a display of skills better suited to being a WalMart greeter rather than a hockey executive, but he clearly struck me as a decent person. A crap GM, but a decent person.
Fergie has made some horrible decisions that are going to set this team back for years. The roll call is depressing: Belfour, Domi, McCabe, Kubina, Raycroft, Lindros, Allison, Blake, the continued presence of Wozniewski on the roster and draft pick after draft pick tossed away. You can make a good argument that these weren't all Fergie's mistakes, and that he was put in an impossible position by the Peddie-philes and Tanenbaumenites at MLSE, but where the blame lies doesn't really matter any more.
The Leafs are in more trouble than Joe Klein at a truth-telling contest, and Fergie is going to pay the price. Is it too much to ask for him to be able to retain his dignity? Working Class Howard continued his fight for the downtrodden today, advising Fergie to make sure that he doesn't have his self-esteem destroyed by both his enemies and his frienemies at MLSE. Surely, when your biggest supporter calls your hiring a mistake, your self-worth is bound to take a beating. Unfortunately, Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen have yet to release their Chicken Soup for the Totally Fucked NHL GMs Soul.
So, why not get it over with and hire an interim GM for the rest of the season? Couldn't Gord Stellick do this job? If the GM is simply a figurehead with no power, it shouldn't matter who has the title. The Leafs need to do the decent thing and put Fergie out of his misery so that he can go on with his life, we can go on with ours, and Richard Griffin can get back on track with his campaign to rid us of Toronto's other incompetent but immaculately-coiffed GM.
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