He's The Decider
So I'm sitting here wrestling with the fleshy maw of Simmon's Sunday brainsqueeze when a thought hit me, a thought so depressing it would send lesser men jumping in front of a bus or -even worse- packing in their self-respect, buying that Alfredsson jersey and moving to Kanata: I spend more time picking apart Steve's weekly diarrhea than he probably does crapping it out.
It got me thinking of Simmons himself. How does he do it, week after week? How does he summon the strength to keep lashing together his endless juvenile diatribes, made-up rumours and uninformed bullshit? He must be special. Where other writers would say "Maybe I should think about this for a few minutes" or "wait, I'm just talking out of my ass here" Simmons just forges ahead with whatever floats through his brain. It's almost inspiring. In another, simpler, time and place, say the United States of eight years ago, a man like that could have been President.
Enough day dreaming. Come on Pagoda, let's hit it!
Worth revisiting: Former Winnipeg coach Urban Bowman's view on why CFL expansion to the U.S. would never work: "You can't play on Fridays because of high school. You can't play on Saturdays because of college. You can't play on Sundays because of the NFL. Doesn't leave many days, does it?"
Hmm, I must have missed the CFL announcing they were expanding to the US again. Thanks for passing on this piece of wisdom, Steve. What's that? They have absolutely no plans to and this has been a dead issue for a decade? Worth revisiting = worth getting Steve four lines closer to going back to bed.
Barry Bonds says he will not go to the Hall of Fame if there is any kind of asterisk placed to his home run-record baseball that will be on display. Which should make it simple: Put up the asterisk and keep Bonds out.
Yeah, keeping baseball's alltime home run leader outta the Hall. Wraps it up in a neat little bow. Whatver your feelings about Barry, this is bad publicity they would dread. The Hall knows (a lot better than Steve) that they need the players more than the players need it.
.. All these years later, you can't say the Raptors have made it big in Canada. How else do you explain having their season opener on The Score, followed up by a game on the digital channel, Raptors NBA TV?
All these years later, you can't say that Canadian sports columnists understand basketball or know how to inform fans about it. How else do you explain Simmons' Raptors season preview this week, a good chunk of which concerned how he hates Brylcreem Jr?
A Philadelphia judge got quite personal in his criticism of Eagles coach Andy Reid and his drug-addicted sons. But if he hasn't lived in that house or been exposed to the disturbing powers of heroin addiction up close, he can be as personal as he chooses, but he has no idea what he is talking about ...
Yeah, where does this judge get off? Making "judgements" about things that haven't actually directly happened to them. The chutzpah. The unmitigated gall. Seriously though, we should have qualified people in society who can rule on these kinds of sticky legal situations of which they have no direct experience. We'll call them gaugers, or Surmisers General, or something. Could come in handy.
I kid, but Simmons is really just defending his turf. We already have a name for people who come down with their verdict on a situation unhindered by experience, logic, research, or wisdom - "columnist." Having no idea what he is talking about IS STEVE SIMMONS' JOB, PEOPLE! Step the fuck off.
It got me thinking of Simmons himself. How does he do it, week after week? How does he summon the strength to keep lashing together his endless juvenile diatribes, made-up rumours and uninformed bullshit? He must be special. Where other writers would say "Maybe I should think about this for a few minutes" or "wait, I'm just talking out of my ass here" Simmons just forges ahead with whatever floats through his brain. It's almost inspiring. In another, simpler, time and place, say the United States of eight years ago, a man like that could have been President.
Enough day dreaming. Come on Pagoda, let's hit it!
Richard Peddie continues to insist that John Ferguson's performance as Maple Leafs general manager will be evaluated at the end of the season.
The question is: Why wait that long?
Um, cause there's nobody out there to hire in the middle of the year? If you randomly hire and fire without a plan, eventually you pull the squeaky-voiced kid outta the break room and send him out to deal with Sather and Bowman. That's right - you end up with Gord Stellick as GM.
In the wake of Ottawa's signing of Jason Spezza for seven years and $49
million US, it is even more apparent what a mess Ferguson has made of
the Leafs' salary situation for this and the coming years.
The Stanley Cup contending Senators, with
Spezza, Dany Heatley and Daniel Alredsson all under contract for the
future, have just more than $41 million in salaries committed to next
season...
Worth revisiting: Former Winnipeg coach Urban Bowman's view on why CFL expansion to the U.S. would never work: "You can't play on Fridays because of high school. You can't play on Saturdays because of college. You can't play on Sundays because of the NFL. Doesn't leave many days, does it?"
Hmm, I must have missed the CFL announcing they were expanding to the US again. Thanks for passing on this piece of wisdom, Steve. What's that? They have absolutely no plans to and this has been a dead issue for a decade? Worth revisiting = worth getting Steve four lines closer to going back to bed.
Barry Bonds says he will not go to the Hall of Fame if there is any kind of asterisk placed to his home run-record baseball that will be on display. Which should make it simple: Put up the asterisk and keep Bonds out.
Yeah, keeping baseball's alltime home run leader outta the Hall. Wraps it up in a neat little bow. Whatver your feelings about Barry, this is bad publicity they would dread. The Hall knows (a lot better than Steve) that they need the players more than the players need it.
.. All these years later, you can't say the Raptors have made it big in Canada. How else do you explain having their season opener on The Score, followed up by a game on the digital channel, Raptors NBA TV?
All these years later, you can't say that Canadian sports columnists understand basketball or know how to inform fans about it. How else do you explain Simmons' Raptors season preview this week, a good chunk of which concerned how he hates Brylcreem Jr?
A Philadelphia judge got quite personal in his criticism of Eagles coach Andy Reid and his drug-addicted sons. But if he hasn't lived in that house or been exposed to the disturbing powers of heroin addiction up close, he can be as personal as he chooses, but he has no idea what he is talking about ...
Yeah, where does this judge get off? Making "judgements" about things that haven't actually directly happened to them. The chutzpah. The unmitigated gall. Seriously though, we should have qualified people in society who can rule on these kinds of sticky legal situations of which they have no direct experience. We'll call them gaugers, or Surmisers General, or something. Could come in handy.
I kid, but Simmons is really just defending his turf. We already have a name for people who come down with their verdict on a situation unhindered by experience, logic, research, or wisdom - "columnist." Having no idea what he is talking about IS STEVE SIMMONS' JOB, PEOPLE! Step the fuck off.
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