Till Bits
Our look at the escalating JFJ DEATHWATCH XIVIDI (WATCH HARDER) will be up sometime tonight. Till then (Geddit?), here's some Bits to tide you over.... Working-class hero Howard Berger is at it again today- . While the Maple Leafs will be dining on caviar in their private box,
I'll be wolfing down a Carl's Jr. bacon-western cheeseburger during my
first NFL experience in this city... A bacon cheeseburger, Howard! Long may your struggle continue! Seriously, this shit is getting a bit rich. While pro athletes are unbelievably well-compensated, they are among the few hundred best people ON EARTH at their profession. Howard Berger, who watches Leafs games for free, every night, when tens of thousands of Leafs fans can't get tickets, isn't even a first-line mitten-stringer....Also, do they really serve caviar at Texas Stadium? I somehow doubt it...If Berger needs an economics lesson, Cox is flunking physics. Today's mailbag redefines phoning it in, as a DC Talk is now outsourcing his ant-Leafs vitriol to his army of clones, then basically writing "YUP! MEGADITTOES!" at the bottom. Cox should tread carefully, or else the Star will outsource his job to a guy in Thailand with a Center Ice subscription and an anger-management problem...Where were we? Physics! Asked about what should be done about Maple Leaf Gardens, Cox treats us to this: That said, the building never meant much more to me than losing and
disgrace, so perhaps its current state is fitting. Going nowhere fast. Outstanding. Asked about what to do with one of the most historic buildings in Canada, Cox thinks its all about him. So what if the Leafs won 11 Cups there, that it was the site of the first NHL All-Star-Game, one of Elvis's handful of concerts outside the US was there, it played host to the Beatles, Muhammad Ali, Neil Young, and so many more? Damien doesn't like it.
High-five for that metaphor, too, except IT'S A GODDAM BUILDING, DAMIEN. You know like "built?" Like, "into the ground?" Of course it's not going anywhere...Much like the rest of your mailbag... Ooooh *+3 Analogies*...
And hey, whatever happened to Alexey Stakhanov?
High-five for that metaphor, too, except IT'S A GODDAM BUILDING, DAMIEN. You know like "built?" Like, "into the ground?" Of course it's not going anywhere...Much like the rest of your mailbag... Ooooh *+3 Analogies*...
And hey, whatever happened to Alexey Stakhanov?
Love it. Now I read Cox's crap just to enjoy you guys ripping it apart all the more!
MEGADITTOES!
Caviar?
I thought people "gorged on Weenie-Wraps" in the luxury boxes. Working Class Howard needs to get his story straight.
Two problems with Working Class Howard and his constant "the Leafs have a forty-year drought, and for those of you scoring at home, that's basically a ZILLION years -- each one undistinguishable and identical!" First, it's misleading and annoying. The drought (you know, the one that is precisely the same length as that of the Kings and Blues, and shorter than that of the Blackhawks) could have easily ended when the Leafs had home ice in the conference finals in 1993, 1994 and 1999, and they should have had home ice in 2002 but for the lame "division winner" rule. But sure, they're below-average each and every season for the last 40 years.
The more important problem is that by characterizing the current state of the franchise as a carbon copy of the last 40 years, it glosses over the urgent need to can Brylcreem Jr. The current ill-shaped roster is not 40 years in the making. A freaking atrocious general manager did it all by his lonesome in about three.
Good point Varry.
While the Leafs haven't had the success we all want (a Stanley Cup, obviously), it is ludicrous to say that they have been a failure over the last 40 years. Of course, that doesn't stop Working Class Howard, Cox, and the rest of them from giving the impression that the Leafs have been basement dwellers since 1967.
The Leafs were in four conference finals in ten years. Four. A lot of teams would love that kind of failure.
A few more years of Brylcreem Jr, though, and we may be looking at 40 years of lottery picks.
MEGADITTOES
Check out the hot breaking story at Howard's Blog today (Sat. 24th): it's a list of buildings in which the Maple Leafs have played hockey games. It contains lists and lists of things that are next to those buildings too. Load up on the caffeine if you dare check it out, or else don't say I didn't warn you when you pass out with your forehead stuck to the semicolon key and start drooling all over the 'Ctrl" button. Gripping stuff, Howard. Where do you come up with these exciting "story" ideas?