Hair Gel vs. Brylcreem
Thanks to Pike Malmateer for the tip on this one:
Mike Toth says for a team that isn't much to talk about, Leafs nation just can't seem to shut up.
Unlike the local sports journos, who haven't written or uttered a word about the Leafs this week.
Since I've started co-hosting The Bullpen on The Fan 590 in Toronto with my good buddy Mike Hogan, my brain has turned to Blue & White mush with all the Leafs talk that's such a big part of the show.
Wait a minute...they're talking about the Leafs on the Bullpen? Isn't the Bullpen a CIS Football show?
And since two hours of radio just isn't enough for sportscasters who love the sound of their own voice, I thought jotting down a few notes on the beleaguered Buds might clear my head while giving Leafs fans an excuse for placing my head on a platter.
Trust me, we don't need any excuses, but let me get this straight: There's nothing to talk about regarding the Leafs...and you spend two hours a day talking about them on the radio...and now you're writing a column about them?
That's messed up.
1.. Alrighty, then. So maybe the return of Vesa Toskala won't solve all the Leafs troubles. Wednesday, the Buds were blitzed 5-0 by an Anaheim club that's finally starting to play like champs. And if you thought the "get something for Sundin" story had legs before; brother... you ain't seen nothin' yet. Yesterday, The Toronto Star featured eight hockey experts weighing in with their ideas on how to get the best value for the big Swede if a deal eventually goes down. Glenn Healy, for instance, was assigned the task of pulling the trigger on a trade with Ottawa. Healy is one of the most hilarious guys in hockey and for his sake, I hope he was just kidding about the deal he proposed because it has about as much chance of happening as yours truly has of landing a bigger contract than Nick Kypreos.
Healy's master plan?
Sundin to the Senators for Andrej Meszaros, Patrick Eaves, Antoine Vermette and a pair of first or second round draft picks.
That is one hell of a trade. Maybe all that talk about Healy as the next Leafs GM wasn't so crazy after all. Too bad that trade would never happen because, unfortunately, JFJ isn't the GM of the Ottawa Senators. At least Healy is aiming high.
Heck! Why doesn't Healy ask Ottawa to toss in Ray Emery while he's at it? He'd be a perfect back-up for Toskala. As the league's looniest and gooniest goalie, Sugar Ray could jump off the bench into the high-priced platinum's and punch out all the snooty stragglers who finally grace us with their appearance halfway through the period. But seriously, while Sundin is having a sensational season, fans and media in The Big Smoke are famous for falling head over heels for their local heroes. ("I'm tellin' ya, Wendel shoulda been a first-ballot Hall-of-Famer!")
Of course Wendel shouldn't have been a first ballot Hall-of-Famer.
That would be an insult.
Wendel should have been whisked to the Hall of Fame by helicopter the minute he stepped off the ice after his last game and inducted immediately.
But there's no way a team would come up with the kind of package for Sundin that Healy is suggesting and especially not the Senators.
Think about it.
Why should anyone start thinking now?
Blue & White backers have put up with everything from the Ballard years to Kerry Fraser's non-call after Gretzky's high stick on Dougie. But watching Sundin potentially hoist the Cup on Parliament Hill? That could finally be the straw that breaks the Leafs bank... err, back. Hey! The organization still has a ton of those Tie Domi vintage third jerseys to move and risking that cash cow by shipping their captain to the Sens and peeving off the public once and for all just isn't worth it.
But we're Leafs fans, remember? Stupid sheep? No insult is too great? That is why, even though the team isn't much to talk about, us members of Leafs nation can't shut up? Remember? It was the lede?
Besides, how often do you see two archrivals pulling off a major trade? The Red Sox don't do business with the Yankees, the Flames and Oilers never hook-up and the Leafs and Sens are in the same boat. A deal between the two sides just doesn't look right and seeing Sundin in a Sens uni would be like catching your mom gettin' it on with somebody other than dear, old dad.
And like the Leafs, Ottawa also has too much to lose. Look what happened to the Islanders last year. They brought in Ryan Smyth at the deadline and while he did help them make the playoffs, they were quickly bounced in the first round. As it turned out, Smyth took off for Colorado at the end of the season and the Isles gave away a big part of their future for what turned out to be an extremely short fix.
So, because the Islanders made a bad trade, other NHL teams are going to refuse to make deadline deals this year? The Islanders? The Islanders, who have made so many bad trades in the last ten years that word "Islander" is now shorthand for mind-bogglingly bad trade. As in, "The Angels are gonna get totally Islandered if they pull the trigger on that Kendrick, Santana, Rodriguez and Adenhart for Crede and Konerko deal." (In the same article that Toth is commenting on here, Mike Milbury said that he would trade Sundin to New Jersey for Nicholas Bergfors and a draft pick. Milbury is even terrible at pulling off make-believe trades as a fake GM.)
What the Islanders did last year will have no bearing on the rest of the NHL. Crazy trade deadline deals happen every year, and one will happen this year because NHL GMs love doing stupid shit. Just because our GM seems to do the stupidest shit of all, doesn't mean the others can't try to top him. It's in the DNA or something.
The New York media doesn't care about the Islanders. But if Bryan Murray moves a bunch of young guns to Toronto for Sundin only to see the Sens fall flat on their faces, the Ottawa media would have a field day; especially if Sundin, who becomes an unrestricted free agent at season's end, re-signs with Toronto over the summer.
I doubt it. The Ottawa media, like the fans, will spend their summer obsessing over the Leafs, rather than worrying about their own lot. Like every other year.
That's the thing; there are so many intangibles to the idea of moving Mats. He'd have to waive his no-trade contract and to this point, he's stubbornly maintained that he wants to finish his career in Toronto. Plus, despite their lousy performance of late, the Leafs are still only a few points out of the playoffs in the embarrassing Eastern conference. We all know John Ferguson Jr's. future as GM depends on his team somehow sneaking into the post-season. So until they're completely ready to throw in the towel, all this talk about dealing Sundin is really just fodder for the newspapers and talk shows.
Speaking of which, we've got Dickie from downtown Toronto on line one.
"Yeah, first-time caller, long-time listener. Hey, if the Leafs do bite the big one and then try to trade Sundin, is Fergie the guy to do it? I mean, they're gonna kick his butt out of town right after the season ends!"
Is he making fun of Leafs fans here? I don't get it, because I think Toth's imaginary friend "Dickie from Toronto" makes a good point. Does anyone here not have reservations about Fergie making a Sundin trade? With him at the helm we might only end up with Nicholas Bergfors and a pick.
Yes, my friends. On and on it goes and all of a sudden, those Ballard years don't seem all that bad.
Only because we didn't have sports talk radio back then. Or newspapers on the internet. And blogs. Actually, my grandfather had a blog back then. Well, not so much a blog. He'd just stand in front of the Toronto Sun offices and yell "You suck Jim Hunt" at the top of his lungs. Which is pretty much the same thing we do.
2. Contrary to popular belief, Steve Downie isn't the one who led Britney astray and he's also not responsible for Global Warming. These days, Downie is being blamed for just about everything and while he's obviously no angel, he's also getting a raw deal from folks who believe he should have been suspended for bopping Jason Blake last weekend.
I'll give Toth some credit here. His pop-culture references are at least a bit more recent that Steve Simmons'. Just as lame, but more recent.
Don't forget that Blake was the guy running his mouth off when Downie was hit with a 20-game suspension for clocking Dean McAmmond. Blake told reporters that Downie should be kicked out for life, which is absolutely ridiculous. If you're going to mess with a guy's livelihood, you deserve to be decked and Downie saw his chance for a little payback.
Two things here:
1. I didn't realize Jason Blake had so much pull down at the commissioner's office.
2. If Jason Blake was "messing with a guy's livelihood," what the hell was Steve Downie attempting to do when he hit Dean McAmmond with that flying cross-body back in the pre-season. In Toth's world, where a quote in the newspaper "deserves" a sucker-punch to the face as "payback", I can only imagine what the Ottawa Senators are going to do to Downie the next time those two teams meet. There's gonna be blood. And shit. And urine. It'll be like 2 Girls 1 Cup. On Ice. Your way, my way, anything goes! It's payback!
Also, during that game last weekend, Blake was running the Flyers goaltender all night long. A few weeks ago, Hockey Night in Canada's Craig Simpson suggested that Blake has been a little shy about crashing the crease and was taking too many shots from long distance. Jason must have paid attention because he came out barreling to the net against Philly. But if you're gonna dance, you have to pay the fiddler. Downie saw a chance to send a message and instead of blaming him, we should point a few fingers at the linesmen who failed to tie him up during his battle with Blake. Memo to zebras: If you step into the middle of a scrap instead of letting the guys go, do your job and make sure you have both players completely under wraps.
Toth isn't the only one to make this point. Bobby Clark grunted something similar earlier this week and, on Monday, some Flyers fans got their parents to type comments for them on James Mirtle's blog, giving us all a horrifying glimpse into that ugly pit of moronic rage that this the mind of a Flyers fan. Toth is in good company.
There is more of this column on the Sportsnet site if you care to read on. I can't do it anymore. This piece just goes on and on and on. It really seems that even though the Leafs aren't much to talk about, Mike Toth just can't seem to shut up about them.
Mike Toth says for a team that isn't much to talk about, Leafs nation just can't seem to shut up.
Unlike the local sports journos, who haven't written or uttered a word about the Leafs this week.
Since I've started co-hosting The Bullpen on The Fan 590 in Toronto with my good buddy Mike Hogan, my brain has turned to Blue & White mush with all the Leafs talk that's such a big part of the show.
Wait a minute...they're talking about the Leafs on the Bullpen? Isn't the Bullpen a CIS Football show?
And since two hours of radio just isn't enough for sportscasters who love the sound of their own voice, I thought jotting down a few notes on the beleaguered Buds might clear my head while giving Leafs fans an excuse for placing my head on a platter.
Trust me, we don't need any excuses, but let me get this straight: There's nothing to talk about regarding the Leafs...and you spend two hours a day talking about them on the radio...and now you're writing a column about them?
That's messed up.
1.. Alrighty, then. So maybe the return of Vesa Toskala won't solve all the Leafs troubles. Wednesday, the Buds were blitzed 5-0 by an Anaheim club that's finally starting to play like champs. And if you thought the "get something for Sundin" story had legs before; brother... you ain't seen nothin' yet. Yesterday, The Toronto Star featured eight hockey experts weighing in with their ideas on how to get the best value for the big Swede if a deal eventually goes down. Glenn Healy, for instance, was assigned the task of pulling the trigger on a trade with Ottawa. Healy is one of the most hilarious guys in hockey and for his sake, I hope he was just kidding about the deal he proposed because it has about as much chance of happening as yours truly has of landing a bigger contract than Nick Kypreos.
Healy's master plan?
Sundin to the Senators for Andrej Meszaros, Patrick Eaves, Antoine Vermette and a pair of first or second round draft picks.
That is one hell of a trade. Maybe all that talk about Healy as the next Leafs GM wasn't so crazy after all. Too bad that trade would never happen because, unfortunately, JFJ isn't the GM of the Ottawa Senators. At least Healy is aiming high.
Heck! Why doesn't Healy ask Ottawa to toss in Ray Emery while he's at it? He'd be a perfect back-up for Toskala. As the league's looniest and gooniest goalie, Sugar Ray could jump off the bench into the high-priced platinum's and punch out all the snooty stragglers who finally grace us with their appearance halfway through the period. But seriously, while Sundin is having a sensational season, fans and media in The Big Smoke are famous for falling head over heels for their local heroes. ("I'm tellin' ya, Wendel shoulda been a first-ballot Hall-of-Famer!")
Of course Wendel shouldn't have been a first ballot Hall-of-Famer.
That would be an insult.
Wendel should have been whisked to the Hall of Fame by helicopter the minute he stepped off the ice after his last game and inducted immediately.
But there's no way a team would come up with the kind of package for Sundin that Healy is suggesting and especially not the Senators.
Think about it.
Why should anyone start thinking now?
Blue & White backers have put up with everything from the Ballard years to Kerry Fraser's non-call after Gretzky's high stick on Dougie. But watching Sundin potentially hoist the Cup on Parliament Hill? That could finally be the straw that breaks the Leafs bank... err, back. Hey! The organization still has a ton of those Tie Domi vintage third jerseys to move and risking that cash cow by shipping their captain to the Sens and peeving off the public once and for all just isn't worth it.
But we're Leafs fans, remember? Stupid sheep? No insult is too great? That is why, even though the team isn't much to talk about, us members of Leafs nation can't shut up? Remember? It was the lede?
Besides, how often do you see two archrivals pulling off a major trade? The Red Sox don't do business with the Yankees, the Flames and Oilers never hook-up and the Leafs and Sens are in the same boat. A deal between the two sides just doesn't look right and seeing Sundin in a Sens uni would be like catching your mom gettin' it on with somebody other than dear, old dad.
And like the Leafs, Ottawa also has too much to lose. Look what happened to the Islanders last year. They brought in Ryan Smyth at the deadline and while he did help them make the playoffs, they were quickly bounced in the first round. As it turned out, Smyth took off for Colorado at the end of the season and the Isles gave away a big part of their future for what turned out to be an extremely short fix.
So, because the Islanders made a bad trade, other NHL teams are going to refuse to make deadline deals this year? The Islanders? The Islanders, who have made so many bad trades in the last ten years that word "Islander" is now shorthand for mind-bogglingly bad trade. As in, "The Angels are gonna get totally Islandered if they pull the trigger on that Kendrick, Santana, Rodriguez and Adenhart for Crede and Konerko deal." (In the same article that Toth is commenting on here, Mike Milbury said that he would trade Sundin to New Jersey for Nicholas Bergfors and a draft pick. Milbury is even terrible at pulling off make-believe trades as a fake GM.)
What the Islanders did last year will have no bearing on the rest of the NHL. Crazy trade deadline deals happen every year, and one will happen this year because NHL GMs love doing stupid shit. Just because our GM seems to do the stupidest shit of all, doesn't mean the others can't try to top him. It's in the DNA or something.
The New York media doesn't care about the Islanders. But if Bryan Murray moves a bunch of young guns to Toronto for Sundin only to see the Sens fall flat on their faces, the Ottawa media would have a field day; especially if Sundin, who becomes an unrestricted free agent at season's end, re-signs with Toronto over the summer.
I doubt it. The Ottawa media, like the fans, will spend their summer obsessing over the Leafs, rather than worrying about their own lot. Like every other year.
That's the thing; there are so many intangibles to the idea of moving Mats. He'd have to waive his no-trade contract and to this point, he's stubbornly maintained that he wants to finish his career in Toronto. Plus, despite their lousy performance of late, the Leafs are still only a few points out of the playoffs in the embarrassing Eastern conference. We all know John Ferguson Jr's. future as GM depends on his team somehow sneaking into the post-season. So until they're completely ready to throw in the towel, all this talk about dealing Sundin is really just fodder for the newspapers and talk shows.
Speaking of which, we've got Dickie from downtown Toronto on line one.
"Yeah, first-time caller, long-time listener. Hey, if the Leafs do bite the big one and then try to trade Sundin, is Fergie the guy to do it? I mean, they're gonna kick his butt out of town right after the season ends!"
Is he making fun of Leafs fans here? I don't get it, because I think Toth's imaginary friend "Dickie from Toronto" makes a good point. Does anyone here not have reservations about Fergie making a Sundin trade? With him at the helm we might only end up with Nicholas Bergfors and a pick.
Yes, my friends. On and on it goes and all of a sudden, those Ballard years don't seem all that bad.
Only because we didn't have sports talk radio back then. Or newspapers on the internet. And blogs. Actually, my grandfather had a blog back then. Well, not so much a blog. He'd just stand in front of the Toronto Sun offices and yell "You suck Jim Hunt" at the top of his lungs. Which is pretty much the same thing we do.
2. Contrary to popular belief, Steve Downie isn't the one who led Britney astray and he's also not responsible for Global Warming. These days, Downie is being blamed for just about everything and while he's obviously no angel, he's also getting a raw deal from folks who believe he should have been suspended for bopping Jason Blake last weekend.
I'll give Toth some credit here. His pop-culture references are at least a bit more recent that Steve Simmons'. Just as lame, but more recent.
Don't forget that Blake was the guy running his mouth off when Downie was hit with a 20-game suspension for clocking Dean McAmmond. Blake told reporters that Downie should be kicked out for life, which is absolutely ridiculous. If you're going to mess with a guy's livelihood, you deserve to be decked and Downie saw his chance for a little payback.
Two things here:
1. I didn't realize Jason Blake had so much pull down at the commissioner's office.
2. If Jason Blake was "messing with a guy's livelihood," what the hell was Steve Downie attempting to do when he hit Dean McAmmond with that flying cross-body back in the pre-season. In Toth's world, where a quote in the newspaper "deserves" a sucker-punch to the face as "payback", I can only imagine what the Ottawa Senators are going to do to Downie the next time those two teams meet. There's gonna be blood. And shit. And urine. It'll be like 2 Girls 1 Cup. On Ice. Your way, my way, anything goes! It's payback!
Also, during that game last weekend, Blake was running the Flyers goaltender all night long. A few weeks ago, Hockey Night in Canada's Craig Simpson suggested that Blake has been a little shy about crashing the crease and was taking too many shots from long distance. Jason must have paid attention because he came out barreling to the net against Philly. But if you're gonna dance, you have to pay the fiddler. Downie saw a chance to send a message and instead of blaming him, we should point a few fingers at the linesmen who failed to tie him up during his battle with Blake. Memo to zebras: If you step into the middle of a scrap instead of letting the guys go, do your job and make sure you have both players completely under wraps.
Toth isn't the only one to make this point. Bobby Clark grunted something similar earlier this week and, on Monday, some Flyers fans got their parents to type comments for them on James Mirtle's blog, giving us all a horrifying glimpse into that ugly pit of moronic rage that this the mind of a Flyers fan. Toth is in good company.
There is more of this column on the Sportsnet site if you care to read on. I can't do it anymore. This piece just goes on and on and on. It really seems that even though the Leafs aren't much to talk about, Mike Toth just can't seem to shut up about them.
'I don't get it. What does any of this have to do with David Cone and the Shea Stadium bullpen?
That's enough about Conehead punchin' a munchkin -- ed
Believe it or not, even with all the Islander bashing, the most upsetting part of that article had to be Glenn Healy as one of the funniest men in hockey. That was some sort of inside joke that I just don't get right? right?
Dick-
Have you seen Healy play goal?
You'll be pleased to know that the Toronto Sun has taken journalism to rock bottom, and is prepared to blow it up with dynamite.
http://www.torontosun.com/Sports/Hockey/2008/01/14/4772498.html
"He'd just stand in front of the Toronto Sun offices and yell "You suck Jim Hunt" at the top of his lungs. Which is pretty much the same thing we do."
You guys suck Jim Hunt? Geez, that's disgusting.