Till Bits: None Of That Stinkin' Root Beer
We're still here! No, I don't know why either. The last week or so has been snoresville on the blog front, with the listlessness of the Death Train to Loserville making for pretty tame mittenstringing. Simmons isn't even working Sundays anymore, apparently; maybe he's just doing deep background (that's journalism lingo) on his forthcoming "Sundin has Ebola" summer exclusive. Shoalts pretty much nailed the season in all its sound-and-fury-signifying-ninth torpor. Wake me up in June.
Really, what else is there left to say about a season that has come all the way around to people clamouring for more Raycroft? Nothing fun outta the Jays camp either; perhaps JP's offseason injection of Keebler-elf clutchiness has inoculated him against Grimace until the real games start and their annual fight for third recommences in all its grim earnestness.
Although there were props given to Eliotte Friedman by Zelkovich this week, to which I say: no.
So, to tide you over until Cox tries out his math skills again, let's turn our attention to the draft, the day in which the Leafs will toss a piece of teenage meat to the baying masses, a promising kid who in no way will have far too much pressure and expectation placed upon him before he ever takes his first NHL shift or uploads his first nudie shot to Facebook. The popular buzz features pined-for names like Stamkos, Doughty, the physical Luke Schenn, while Kim and I carry a torch for hometown boy Zach Bogosian, who admittedly, sounds more like the bassist in some Upper West Side Pitchfork favourite than a guy who will anchor the blueline for a decade. But when Mr Jorn and I huddled over TSN's draft list, there's one guy who stood out, who just screamed "The Toronto Maple Leafs are pleased to select..." First guess in the comments gets a purple Freezie. Or hell, feel free to talk about whatever. We've got so much ennui going here we're about to start smoking clove cigarettes and listening to the Cure.
And hey, whatever happened to Jacques Strap (and his post)?
I'm more of a white freezie fan, myself.
Okay, you've GOT to be talking about Tyler Cuma - good at many things, excellent at nothing = mediocre = Matt Stajan's long lost twin brother.
And, um, even though my name is Junior, I've been dying to sign as
Wren Kegget
Wren Kegget lives!
And this is proving tougher than I thought. Both you and PPP (on his blog) provided very credible guesses, but alas, neither snags the Freezie.
I am too lazy to read all of Mckenzie's comments. Can you just cut to the chase and tell us which one of them put a picture of his johnson on facebook?
Fee Logolin
Well, my only other guess would be based on the Pearson/Belleville principle: the principle that says if three guys from the same team all get drafted, no matter what level, this means that the chances are that their respective skill levels are roughly equal, and the chances of their skill level being both equal and very high is very low, probability wise - suggesting very strongly that more often than not, if you draft three guys from the same team, you drafted three crappy guys (see the "Scott Thorton, Rob Pearson, Steve Bancroft" experiment in the late 80s for irrefutable proof of this principle.)
Assuming further that the Leafs are in any event (i.e. even if the Pearson/Belleville principle fails to hold true) certain to draft the third, highly crappy guy in such a troika (in "Three Tenors" terms, Carreras to the other teams' Domingo and Pavarotti) - it is obvious that the Leafs are about to draft Cody Hodgson.
Also, has there ever been a great player in the NHL named Cody? Would Tim Horton have crushed heads, cleared the front of the net or sold coffee if he was born "Cody" Horton?
Dammit, I want a freezie. But really, I'm done now.
And again I say,
Wren Kegget
How would I know? I'm not down with the kids these days. I thought Vampire Weekend was a movie about a getaway with the Olsen twins.
HEY-O!
Genius, Wren, and well deserving of a passel of Freezies, even if incorrect.
I offer up a clue - what do Nik Antropov and Luca Cereda have in common?
Also, agreed on 'Cody' -its what I worry about with Bogosian. And don't get me started on Fabian Brunnstrom. Who is the unlikeliest name to carve out a good career? Kelly Kisio? Mike Hurlbut never had a chance.
I always thought Pavel Brendl would be good just cause the name screams 'sniper.'
None of the players appear to have a congenital heart defect or come from a country featured in a Sash Baron Cohen film...I'm going to guess Mikkel Boedker.
The Leafs keeping their first round pick is a rare enough occurrence, but to cash in those rare first round picks for a Kazak, a Swiss and a Dane? That's got Leafs written all over it.
Espen Knutsen is the last Danish prospect I can think of (ok, he's the only Danish prospect I can think of). I took him in the last round of a hockey pool after he lit-up the preseason for Anaheim in 1997 or so. I thought I was the smartest guy in the room until he spent the season playing for Cleveland in the AHL.
DING DING!
Unimpressive OHL stats? Euro prospect from a weak hockey nation? Leafs to a T. Well played.
Wasn't 'Shampoo' Knutsen Norwegian? I had hopes for him too.
d'oh! Espen Knutsen was indeed Norwegian. I can't even get my hockey-pool punchlines right...
Oh, I see what you did there.
Shoulda known. I feel like Allan Bester whiffing on a Sergio Mommesso blueline slapper, letting that one get by me.
If it's any consolation there are now at least five guys in the first I dread the Leafs taking.
Don't worry, Godd, there's still time for the Leafs to trade the first round pick before draft day...for the 2008 equivalent of Kenny Jonsson.
4-0 Habs vs Jersey ce soir. First in the east. You'll pardon me if I don't give a shizzit about, well, any of the above.
Wren may I inform you that good ol'"Tim" Horton actually has a name other than Tim in the "first" column on his birth certificate. His name is in fact... Miles! So maybe that proves your point of names dictating a player's style, or not, I don't know. And I don't know how or why(well I can guess why) he goes by Tim. But I do believe he'd be alternatingly smooth and erratic if he went by Miles, and your theory were correct. Hmm, smooth then erratic... sounds like Bryan Macabre defensive zone play to me.
Ciri:
Wow, now I'm really confused and don't know if I'm wrong or right! I guess if Horton played hockey under the name of "Miles" - and sucked - but then decided to go by "Tim", my point would be proved. Similarly, if he only ever went by "Tim", I think my theory stands up to fact reasonably well.
Where it would get dicey for me, I guess, is if Horton came up through minor hockey as "Miles" and decided to become "Tim" (though "Bruce" would have been preferable in order to avoid the confusion, no doubt).
Ah, Marty brings the truth and... silence.
Winning teams are for losers.
At this point I'm actually relieved you guys think the floor is Boedker.
Because with a descriptor like "A real wild card, a high-end mercurial offensive talent who is top 10 on some lists, not in the first round on others." I'm sure I wasn't the only one thinking Stefanovich is the second coming of Antropov -- a perfectly fine late-first-rounder, but not a guy you take in the Top 10 because you expect him to be driving the bus for the next decade.
Good point (and great handle).
See also Tyler Whathisname, the 6'7 guy, as a psooible Leafs project. Stefanovich doesn't scream Leafs to me cause the Leafs don't draft many Russians. Have they ever picked a Russkie in the first round? Mironov?
Frenchy - I thought Stefanovich too. The description just screams "stays in Russia".
Juniow - "I feel like Allan Bester whiffing on a Sergio Mommesso blueline slapper, letting that one get by me."
I see that play in a recurring nightmare...
@PPP:
There's a hole a wall (at an undisclosed location) that looks vaguely like it was created by an adolescent temper tantrum that bears silent witness to my pain. It was a fifty footer, fer Chrissakes!