Frank Gets Rolled

Seems like everyone's reading from the same page concerning the Jays release of Frank Thomas. Unfortunately, the page was ripped from Dusty Baker's Guide To Managing:

Steve Simmons: The Blue Jays made the right move benching DH Frank Thomas yesterday. In fact, for their own protection, they need to do it more often. Never mind that he clogs up the base paths and the middle of their order.

Gerry Fraley, The Sporting News: In his last 35 at-bats with Toronto, he had only four hits -- all singles -- and one RBI. Those few times Thomas reached, he clogged the bases.

Richard Griffin:  With yesterday's release of Thomas, the Jays effectively gave him $18.12 million (all figures U.S.) for 696 plate appearances that produced 157 hits, 29 homers and 106 RBIs, with a .266 average. Yes, he reached base 100 times on walks and hit-by-pitch, but most times that was just clogging the basepaths.

Plus, he forever clogged the bases with his lack of mobility ... and that is not something that has changed since GM J.P. Ricciardi reached agreement with Thomas just three days into the '06 free-agent signing period

That's what separates Griffin from your run of the mill baseball columnists - he doubles up on the cliches in a two-fisted assault on  The Big Clog and his chunky cloggy unmoveable basepath bunged-up congestion in all aspects of his cloggy obstructionist basepath cloggery. We clear here? Frank Thomas is so cloggy he's actually Dutch, and in the off season paints tulips under the name "Johan Neeskens."

Picture if you will, the ideal basepaths, ones free and clear and empty, like healthy arteries. To them, Frank Thomas is this, a side of these, and three of these for dessert.  The  Jays  need to be built around carrot stick ballpayers like David Eckstein and  Shannon Stewart, who keep the bases clean and run quickly back to the dugout. This speeds up games, which helps the fratboy contingent of Blue Jays fans not get too hosed in the cheap seats and create embarrassing headlines.

Griffin gives new meaning to gilding the lily when he ranks Thomas, a guy who put up a 125 OPS+ last year, ahead of Erik Freaking Hanson as the worst Jays free agent signing ever. And how the hell did this guy not get a mention?

So since the local stringers are taking their horsehide analysis straight from the Church of Dusty, I look forward to their horrified mea culpas in a few months - they should have known that black guys kick ass in August.

CLOG!