Does Not Compute
Reader Bim Jenning pointed out the other day that Damien Cox seems to have three templates for his columns:
The Leafs are about to do something:
"Richard Peddie, who rules the Leafs with an iron fist, is about to do something that will make the MLSE board a lot of money and will screw the team over irreparably, and the fans, being idiots, will lap it up like the dogs that they are."
The Leafs do something:
"Richard Peddie, who hates the Leafs and masturbates daily to a big photo of a pile of cash, did something really stupid today that will ensure that the Leafs will never, ever win a Cup ever and still the fans will applaud like the bunch of trained retarded seals that they are."
The Leafs do nothing:
"Richard Peddie needs to do something RIGHT NOW, which is why it's such a shame that he only cares about money and hates the Leafs and the Leafs' fans, who are too stupid to know when something needs to be done - if they did, they'd listen to me and hate the Leafs too."
Ricciardi and Paul Godfrey probably really began to lose a handle on this thing in spring training of '07 when they out-and-out lied about B.J. Ryan's arm injury, and the faith of local baseball fans was tested more in the fall when Troy Glaus was pinpointed as, if not a steroid user, one who liked to order them in the mail. Rather than face the truth police again, the Jays just helped Glaus never answer the questions about his training regimen.
We ran this paragraph through the Cox Bloc's trusty computing machine (the FISKbot 3000) and it found more than 85,000 things wrong with it. Some highlights include:
1. Gregg Zaun says hi.
2. Does anyone believe that Ricciardi and Godfrey are making major moves based on helping players avoid questions about steroids?
3. Do they not have sports journalists in St. Louis?
4. Why does Cox always use the flimsiest evidence to support his slam-dunk arguments? There are a lot of reasons to criticize JP Ricciardi and Richard Peddie, yet Cox always goes on some bizarre tangent that allows nitpickers like me to pluck out one sentence from a piece and discredit the whole thing.
The FISKbot 3000's fourth point is really the one that gets me. Whether it is citing Conn Smythe's disapproval of Muhammad Ali fighting at Maple Leaf Gardens as an example of the Toronto Maple Leafs glory years, or suggesting that JP swapping one disgruntled and injury-prone third-baseman for another was actually a covert druggie-smuggling operation, Cox never misses a chance to get it all wrong. And for that, we salute him...because we can't fathom having to pick apart blog-posts about whether Tiger Woods is better than Roger Federer day after day.
The Leafs are about to do something:
"Richard Peddie, who rules the Leafs with an iron fist, is about to do something that will make the MLSE board a lot of money and will screw the team over irreparably, and the fans, being idiots, will lap it up like the dogs that they are."
The Leafs do something:
"Richard Peddie, who hates the Leafs and masturbates daily to a big photo of a pile of cash, did something really stupid today that will ensure that the Leafs will never, ever win a Cup ever and still the fans will applaud like the bunch of trained retarded seals that they are."
The Leafs do nothing:
"Richard Peddie needs to do something RIGHT NOW, which is why it's such a shame that he only cares about money and hates the Leafs and the Leafs' fans, who are too stupid to know when something needs to be done - if they did, they'd listen to me and hate the Leafs too."
Cut-n-paste sure is easy, eh Damien?
Ricciardi and Paul Godfrey probably really began to lose a handle on this thing in spring training of '07 when they out-and-out lied about B.J. Ryan's arm injury, and the faith of local baseball fans was tested more in the fall when Troy Glaus was pinpointed as, if not a steroid user, one who liked to order them in the mail. Rather than face the truth police again, the Jays just helped Glaus never answer the questions about his training regimen.
We ran this paragraph through the Cox Bloc's trusty computing machine (the FISKbot 3000) and it found more than 85,000 things wrong with it. Some highlights include:
1. Gregg Zaun says hi.
2. Does anyone believe that Ricciardi and Godfrey are making major moves based on helping players avoid questions about steroids?
3. Do they not have sports journalists in St. Louis?
4. Why does Cox always use the flimsiest evidence to support his slam-dunk arguments? There are a lot of reasons to criticize JP Ricciardi and Richard Peddie, yet Cox always goes on some bizarre tangent that allows nitpickers like me to pluck out one sentence from a piece and discredit the whole thing.
The FISKbot 3000's fourth point is really the one that gets me. Whether it is citing Conn Smythe's disapproval of Muhammad Ali fighting at Maple Leaf Gardens as an example of the Toronto Maple Leafs glory years, or suggesting that JP swapping one disgruntled and injury-prone third-baseman for another was actually a covert druggie-smuggling operation, Cox never misses a chance to get it all wrong. And for that, we salute him...because we can't fathom having to pick apart blog-posts about whether Tiger Woods is better than Roger Federer day after day.
i guess, in some sick and twisted and deranged way, Cox is providing a service...
Best individual athlete in the world is either Joey Chestnut or the mysteriously disappeared Big Bully Busick (where have you gone, Triple B?)
The Bully in all his glory:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZAV4cKu-lY
Wait a sec - we have Truth Police?
That's so cool!
If we did, and there were any justice, Peddie and Cox would be cellmates right now.
"because we can't fathom having to pick apart blog-posts about whether Tiger Woods is better than Roger Federer day after day."
There is only one way to settle that anyway... A Cage Match.
I sent Cox a question for his mailbag and sadly I didn't make the cut. Despite the absence of my brilliant question, there was very good news to be found in the epilogue of the mailbag:
Following the NHL draft this weekend, Damien is off to Wimbledon and will be blogging from The All-England Club. The Leafs mail bag will return later this summer as training camp approaches.
What was your question about?
As for Cox dropping the mailbag...what are we supposed to write about all summer? I'm sure we'll get some mileage out of the fallout from Ricciardi's bizarre rant last night, but then what?
Nothing exciting, I just asked Cox if he could formally clarify the contract status of the NTC 4: who has no-trade clauses, who has limited no-trade clauses and who has full-blown no-movement clauses.
The Star has always reported Tucker's deal includes a no-movement clause, but all other sources - like nhlscap.com - indicate that it's just an NTC.
In hindsight, I should have asked him to quantify the amount of evil in Richard Peddie's soul and then segued into my question about contracts...
I really wanted to go with Krushelnyski but I think most of you can figure out the problem with transposing the M and K in his name.
Anyway, back on topic:
In hindsight, I should have asked him to quantify the amount of evil in Richard Peddie's soul and then segued into my question about contracts...
Kind of like a Penthouse Letters submission for rabid haters of all things blue and white:
Dear Damien Cox,
I have never written in to you before but I feel like I have to share what happened last night when I met Richard Peddie. I was stunned that he was evil enough to bite the head of a puppy just hours before assuring you that he had never tampered with Brian Burke.
Onto my question - Just how responsible are Leaf fans for the failure of the franchise?
a. 100%
b. completely
c. absolutely
d. they can't help themselves because they are a bunch of schmucks.
e. All of the above, may god have mercy on their souls.
Another gem from the musings of Cox and his take on the new Lightning ownership in his June 22nd article.
So it's going to be different, certainly anything but snoozy and maybe a little wacky in Tampa.
Then again, nobody else drafted David Carle.
http://www.thestar.com/Sports/article/447310
Despite a real chance of running this team to the ground, at least these new owners have "heart" for drafting a guy who will sadly never play another game of hockey.
Damien's in fine form today. In his opinion, 9 of the 10 teams with the top picks in the draft made the right choices, one team didn't...... GUESS WHO!