I Can't Believe 'Smell You Later' Replaced 'Goodbye'
Dear Damien, Steve, Working Class Howard, Richard, David, Marty, Darren, Toth, Rosie, and whoever else:
We need to talk. When this all started a year ago, it was fun, fresh, and exciting. We'd observed you from afar from so long that it was a real thrill to wake up every morning to read whatever nonsense you'd leaked all over the paper, knowing that that very night we'd be typing away in our Leafs jammies while Mom called us upstairs before our Boyardee got cold - ripping you on the Internet. The Internet! Where the real nerds write and everything!
But now things have gotten stale, and we think it's time to move on. Don't get me wrong, we've had some great times. Steve, we can remember staying up all night trying to explain to you how ERA worked (that scrunched up look of confusion on your face was adorable!). Damien, we spent hours glaring at the back of your head while we dissected your latest screed. And Howard - we'll always have that unforgettable limo ride in Montreal.
You might have noticed we've been a little distant lately. We want you to know that it's not us. It's you. We've changed, tried to improve our writing, mix up our wrestling references, anything to hide the fact that every week you write the same goddamn nonsense. This week, Howard, when you blamed Leafs fans for the state of the franchise and managed to contradict yourself all over the yard, we saw the call go up: "Where's Cox Bloc?" Well, to paraphrase Eric Bischoff, Kim and Godd ain't walking through that door anymore.
Don't worry, there's others out there that still care about you. Recently Bitter Leaf and Down Goes Brown have done an outstanding job lambasting your foibles and pointing out what you can do better (for more on that, call your buddy Lance). Maybe, deep down, they still think you can change. We don't.
Right now you're probably thinking, what about our child? Cox Bloc, the bitter, twisted spawn of your bad journalism and our splenetic rage? Well, first of all, we get full custody. Kim and I are still going to be writing here - probably a lot more regularly now that we're switching our gimmick. We're still going to write about the Leafs a lot, and hopefully will retain our good standing as fully paid up members of the Barilkosphere (well, we owe PPP ten bucks still. Sorry!). Hell, we'll probably even rip you every once in a while, for old times sake. But we want the freedom to write about whatever we feel like - Leafs, rock n roll, work, politics, Canada, baseball, George the Animal Steele, Brand Power, who knows. For our sanity, we've gotta start doing something else.
To the Blocheads - Varry Galk, Junior, Pob, Paul D, Dick, Bim, bk, Pike, Firko, Bllan, Marty York, eyebleaf, and anyone I may have missed - thank you. Your comments and criticisms (yo stoeten!) have been the most rewarding part of doing this, and we both really hope you'll continue to stop by here as we stumble blindly towards a new blogging day. Suggestions, feedback, ideas for what you want to see, and requests for Freebird? Proceed to the comments.
And to the mittenstringers, one more song for the road.
We need to talk. When this all started a year ago, it was fun, fresh, and exciting. We'd observed you from afar from so long that it was a real thrill to wake up every morning to read whatever nonsense you'd leaked all over the paper, knowing that that very night we'd be typing away in our Leafs jammies while Mom called us upstairs before our Boyardee got cold - ripping you on the Internet. The Internet! Where the real nerds write and everything!
But now things have gotten stale, and we think it's time to move on. Don't get me wrong, we've had some great times. Steve, we can remember staying up all night trying to explain to you how ERA worked (that scrunched up look of confusion on your face was adorable!). Damien, we spent hours glaring at the back of your head while we dissected your latest screed. And Howard - we'll always have that unforgettable limo ride in Montreal.
You might have noticed we've been a little distant lately. We want you to know that it's not us. It's you. We've changed, tried to improve our writing, mix up our wrestling references, anything to hide the fact that every week you write the same goddamn nonsense. This week, Howard, when you blamed Leafs fans for the state of the franchise and managed to contradict yourself all over the yard, we saw the call go up: "Where's Cox Bloc?" Well, to paraphrase Eric Bischoff, Kim and Godd ain't walking through that door anymore.
Don't worry, there's others out there that still care about you. Recently Bitter Leaf and Down Goes Brown have done an outstanding job lambasting your foibles and pointing out what you can do better (for more on that, call your buddy Lance). Maybe, deep down, they still think you can change. We don't.
Right now you're probably thinking, what about our child? Cox Bloc, the bitter, twisted spawn of your bad journalism and our splenetic rage? Well, first of all, we get full custody. Kim and I are still going to be writing here - probably a lot more regularly now that we're switching our gimmick. We're still going to write about the Leafs a lot, and hopefully will retain our good standing as fully paid up members of the Barilkosphere (well, we owe PPP ten bucks still. Sorry!). Hell, we'll probably even rip you every once in a while, for old times sake. But we want the freedom to write about whatever we feel like - Leafs, rock n roll, work, politics, Canada, baseball, George the Animal Steele, Brand Power, who knows. For our sanity, we've gotta start doing something else.
To the Blocheads - Varry Galk, Junior, Pob, Paul D, Dick, Bim, bk, Pike, Firko, Bllan, Marty York, eyebleaf, and anyone I may have missed - thank you. Your comments and criticisms (yo stoeten!) have been the most rewarding part of doing this, and we both really hope you'll continue to stop by here as we stumble blindly towards a new blogging day. Suggestions, feedback, ideas for what you want to see, and requests for Freebird? Proceed to the comments.
And to the mittenstringers, one more song for the road.
*standing ovation*
i look forward to your next endeavours. cheers, boys.
Thanks guys, your stuff has been a lot of fun to read. Much appreciated laughs on the "darkest days in the history of the Leafs"
Can we design and construct the Cox Bloc Signal at least? I mean, if we ever need some media smackdown we'll just shine the light into the night sky and you'll know it's time for some wreckage.
CoxBloc will be missed, especially your ability to turn such horrid source material into gold.
I can't wait to see the new incarnation. I hope the two of you will use this time to finally finish your screen play homage to Wallace Beery.
Thanks for the laughs, guys. In the meantime, I still get to identify myself as "Wren Kegget", when I want, yes?
Are you going to continue at the current url, or are you taking your new endeavours to a new site?
Hey guys,
Thanks for all the kind words. To respond to some questions, we will still be right here. No plans on changing the name, although we will likely tweak the look.
Please come back and comment the same way as always. And yes, we will occasionally do an old school mittenstringer rip (and mittenstringer of the year will still be awarded), so go ahead and get the BlocSignal ready. We just want to mix it up a lot more, have a bit more fun.
And Pike - Wallace Beery? Wrestling picture? We'll show you the life of the mind!!!
I think this just shows how much mind numbing stupidity William Houston is able to tolerate. We burned out after 8 or 9 months...The Unblinking Watchdog of Canadian Sports Media has been doing this for years.
For me, my favourite moment had to be when Damien Cox clinched the 2008 Mittenstringer of the Year Award with eleven months remaining.
And to think, I had almost forgotten that limo ride in Montreal.
Looking forward to your broader array of rants! I'm not going anywhere. I hope you don't mind if I still post an occasional anti-Berger screed.
Well guys, I am glad to hear it. I generally don't get to comment on the Leaf situation because honestly who gives a shit...but now... You are already off to a good start with George The Animal Steele and Motley Crue references.
You can't hope to match William Houston in stamina. He has years of being a curmudgeon to call upon to deal with mittenstringer uprisings.
We'll get the BlocSignal ready and wait patiently while you guys start cranking out the new direction...
PLAY FREE BIRD!
(In Guitar Hero 2, of course.)
Hey guys, for old times' sake, can I post a lengthy message here later tonight? I just read the last Berger screed I will ever read and I want to do a pinch-hit mittenstringer zinger.
Absolutely,
Please post anything you want about the stringers in the comments. It's still fun to bitch about, we just won't be writing long posts on the subject too often. So strap on your skates, Varry, you're going in....
Little late to the party (as always), but thanks for the good times. I'm glad to know there are others who share the same frustrated, exasperated, and often, dumbfounded feelings about the so-called world class sports media here in Toronto. I guess the only difference is that you guys can write in a coherent and eloquent manner.
For old times sake, you guys should create a mailbag and answer it as either one of Simmons, Cox, or Berger. Extra points for bringing in references to Wimbledon, Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders, and obscure sports names with inane, undefinable terms like grit and heart.