Jorn's Jottings 9: This time it's personal
Dear Readers,
After spending too long in the hockey wilderness trying to convert the heathens to Leafism, I have given up the fight and decided to return to the homeland. You know, God's Country. The pride of Canada. The glorious centre of the hockey universe. Toronto.
That's right. Me and my lady friend Eve Styzerman have packed all of our nick-knacks and Richard Griffin voodoo dolls into our little car and will begin making our way back home this morning. I'll be away for a few weeks, since we've chosen to take our time exploring the vast uncharted tundra that lies between the Pacific Ocean and Thunder Bay.
I'm not sure if there are any internets or even computers in the areas we'll be travelling (Saskatchewan, Manitoba) which means that it will be at least a fortnight before I post again. I also won't be able to approve any of your comments, so if anyone feels the need to express how much they miss my bitter and angry ramblings, feel free to leave these comments on any of the ten to twelve posts that Godd Till will be putting up in the next couple weeks.
Moving back to the beating heart of or country will be a blessing for Coxbloc and our readers as we'll now have easier access to a deeper pool of idiots as I can once again listen to the FAN 590 and AM 640 while raging against the stupidity of every other driver in the world as I sit in the many wonderful traffic jams that Toronto has to offer. It's true. Traffic jams are better in Ontario. It is way more relaxing when you're staring at a Go Leafs bumper sticker on the car in front of you while listening to Bob McCown than it is when you're stuck behind short buses full of Canucks fans listening to Total Pratt and Taylor.
It is also a known fact that while most traffic problems in Toronto are caused by important people on their way to important places to do important things, the majority of gridlock in Vancouver occurs because a bunch of bewildered locals have wandered into the street, staring in fear and wonder at the sun. The rest of the rarely-moving, bumper to bumper shitshow on the streets of Vanvouver is the result of the city hurriedly trying to build all of the stadiums, train-lines, whorehouses and casinos that are required of an Olympic host city.
It hasn't been a total waste of time living out here, as I have learned to important lessons:
1. The sports reporters and columnists in Toronto, as much grief as we give them, are a million times better than the collection of fanboys and halfwits that cover the Vancouver sports teams.
2. Canucks fans spend as much time and energy hating the Leafs as we do not giving a shit about them. It is sad.
We've cited a number of criteria for our return home, ranging from family to weather to our previously mentioned dislike of the local traffic, but there is one overarching reason for why we are getting the hell out of Vancouver: After two years of relative safety, I once again have to worry that Kyle Wellwood might find me and eat me. Be safe Godd, be safe.
Cheers,
Kim
After spending too long in the hockey wilderness trying to convert the heathens to Leafism, I have given up the fight and decided to return to the homeland. You know, God's Country. The pride of Canada. The glorious centre of the hockey universe. Toronto.
That's right. Me and my lady friend Eve Styzerman have packed all of our nick-knacks and Richard Griffin voodoo dolls into our little car and will begin making our way back home this morning. I'll be away for a few weeks, since we've chosen to take our time exploring the vast uncharted tundra that lies between the Pacific Ocean and Thunder Bay.
I'm not sure if there are any internets or even computers in the areas we'll be travelling (Saskatchewan, Manitoba) which means that it will be at least a fortnight before I post again. I also won't be able to approve any of your comments, so if anyone feels the need to express how much they miss my bitter and angry ramblings, feel free to leave these comments on any of the ten to twelve posts that Godd Till will be putting up in the next couple weeks.
Moving back to the beating heart of or country will be a blessing for Coxbloc and our readers as we'll now have easier access to a deeper pool of idiots as I can once again listen to the FAN 590 and AM 640 while raging against the stupidity of every other driver in the world as I sit in the many wonderful traffic jams that Toronto has to offer. It's true. Traffic jams are better in Ontario. It is way more relaxing when you're staring at a Go Leafs bumper sticker on the car in front of you while listening to Bob McCown than it is when you're stuck behind short buses full of Canucks fans listening to Total Pratt and Taylor.
It is also a known fact that while most traffic problems in Toronto are caused by important people on their way to important places to do important things, the majority of gridlock in Vancouver occurs because a bunch of bewildered locals have wandered into the street, staring in fear and wonder at the sun. The rest of the rarely-moving, bumper to bumper shitshow on the streets of Vanvouver is the result of the city hurriedly trying to build all of the stadiums, train-lines, whorehouses and casinos that are required of an Olympic host city.
It hasn't been a total waste of time living out here, as I have learned to important lessons:
1. The sports reporters and columnists in Toronto, as much grief as we give them, are a million times better than the collection of fanboys and halfwits that cover the Vancouver sports teams.
2. Canucks fans spend as much time and energy hating the Leafs as we do not giving a shit about them. It is sad.
We've cited a number of criteria for our return home, ranging from family to weather to our previously mentioned dislike of the local traffic, but there is one overarching reason for why we are getting the hell out of Vancouver: After two years of relative safety, I once again have to worry that Kyle Wellwood might find me and eat me. Be safe Godd, be safe.
Cheers,
Kim
Oh sweet, I want to move to Toronto, can I live with you?