Godd Till Presents: Till Bits

Today a surefire sign of fall landed in my inbox, like Steve Simmons cannonballing into the leaves Dave Hodge just spent all afternoon raking. Fred Isher kicked off the first email in our yearly Leafs-Habs email shitdown, a beloved Canadian institution that involves about ten hockey fans, including several professional writers, resorting to profane jokes about Patrick Roy's marriage and Wendel Clark's bachelorhood in order to razz the other. It's kind of like a drunken, profane, Greek chorus to the NHL season.

Defending the right and good against the universe's third-lowest life forms (topped only by Sens fans and Mike Bullard) stirred something in me. Something I feared was lost forever since Kim Jorn packed up and left me for dead in the land that thinks that Trevor Linden is an all-time great. I felt like Tito Santana at Wrestlemania V, going for the hot tag and seeing Rick Martel turn his back and walk up the aisle, leaving him alone against the Brain Busters (no, not Pratt and Taylor). I felt an existential ennui no amount of Tillweisers could ease.  

Sure, I saw the question pop up - in emails, on PPP. I'd hear it on the bus. I think Larry King mentioned it a couple times (Good guy, by the way. Total mensch). I heard it on every cool late-summer breeze:

"Where's Godd?"

 "Where's Godd?"

 But I didn't have it in me. No, I let Kim post from the road while I remained silent. I let Kim trash me in public, while I remained silent. I even saw a German guy claim that Godd was dead. Well, too bad, Fritz!

Cause Godd Till is ready to TALK SOME MORE SHIT ON THE INTERNET!!!!

 Yes, Blocheads, get ready to fire up the old ROFLCopter for another year of us covering the coverage of another hilariously depressing, depressingly hilarious Toronto Maple Leafs Quest For Fail.

In just a couple weeks the mittenstringers will be back making shit up, quoting people out of context , and inserting '1967' into every second paragraph. And by 'paragraph' I really mean 'word.' And fear not - Godd Till, and the other guy, will be there.

 Coming soon is our season preview, and all sorts of other goodness. In the meantime, enjoy some Till Bits:

Item! People sure love to hate on Sportsnet's unctuous fratboy Mike Toth. Take this message board screed from TFC loyalists. And not even Darren Dutchyshen has inspired what is either a cruel prank, Connected slashfic, or the revenge of a battered producer.

But no matter what you say about the Tothster, you gotta admit: he's cool, he's cocky, he's bad.

Item! Damien Cox must still be on vacation. Some wag at the Star submitted a column under his byline that featured actual reporting and didn't suck. Nice try!

Item! Why is Godd Till not weighing in on the Eklund plagiarism 'controversy?' Well, we don't cover Snuffleupagus or Polkaroo either.

 And finally something to cheer you up: SENS FANS FOLLIES!

THRILL! to meatheads trying to argue that the Sens don't need Mats! GASP as you see Senators fans who believe they have a shot at the Cup this year! PUKE to read fans of the NHL's most notorious band of chokers argue Mats has never accomplished anything! Or SKIP the mental trauma and just go for the gold:

The unfortunate reality is that we live in city with such an enormous contingency of Leafs fans. Not a day goes by during the regular season, during the off season for that matter, that I don't hear those loud-mouthed Leafs fans talk about the Sens "choking" and our inability to make it to the big dance and come home victorious.
And I'll be damned it if we finally taste the sweet success that comes in the form of the Stanley Cup with Mats as an Ottawa Senator. The win would be tainted bitter sweet because Leafs fans would NEVER, ever let us forget that we couldn't do it until their hero came to our rescue. Thanks but no thanks Mats.

So let me get this straight - the owner of this franchise, the homeless man's Steinbrenner, discusses signing Mats for the principal reason not of winning, but of winding up his provincial rivals and the fans of his team respond that they worry about winning a Cup with him cause Leafs fans could still make fun of them? No wonder the Sens can't beat Toronto in the playoffs - it's tough skating around with that nine-million -pound inferiority complex on your back. Be careful heading out to work tomorrow - there may just be a Sens fan following you to your car.