October 2008 Archives
Dear "Most Valuable Losers,"
Yesterday, continuing a long-standing trend, another Toronto reporter took his
shot at Leaf fans. This time it was Howard Berger calling us "losers"
but we've seem the same cookie-cutter article before from virtually
everyone who covers the team.
Quite frankly, we've had enough.
As fans, we believe that those most deserving of our praise and our scorn are directly involved in the game, whether it's on the ice, in the press box or in the executive
corridors. Fans don't pencil in the starting five, make bad trades, or
write the headlines of the day and shouldn't be blamed (or praised) for
the totals in the wins and loss column.
Hockey may be just a game but it's also a passion. If you're looking for passionate
hockey coverage that offers insight and humour and you're sick of being
blamed for supporting a team you're passionate about, you have a better
option.
It's time to leave the media superstars behind. There's compelling, timely, wide-ranging content waiting just for you online in the Barilkosphere.
Many have found this better way of following the Leafs, but not every Leafs fan has
been so lucky. Please send this message to your fellow Leaf fans via
e-mail or postings on message boards and let them know that they do
have a choice.
We hope you'll join us here in the Barilkosphere and become regular
readers and writers.
Just Your Usual General Borschevsky
I guess the old joke is true - the mittenstringers have donated their brains to science:
Two Leaf fans smiling
Luke Schenn
Richard Peddie
Cliff Fletcher
Ron Wilson
a sunrise
a newborn puppy
I will be watching at least part of the Leafs loss to the Devils tonite, so feel free to stop by and distract me from the pain that is New Jersey hockey and Toronto's decade-plus ineptitude when faced with same. No Cox 'liveblog' tonight (a real live blog updates more than three times a game and doesn't moderate out comments), so I'll be without his jilted-lover rage towards Matt Stajan for writing McCabe's name on his stick (OMG MATT'S IN THE BURN BOOK NOW), and 'analysis' like saying it'll take another month to evaluate the team after the Ottawa game before concluding they suck again down a goal after one period.
Christ, if they won the Cup I am dead certain he'd be saying we should 'evaluate' them after their next four seasons to judge if it was a fluke or not so then we can go back in time and not care unless they turn into the 80s Oilers.
Myself, instead of watching the scoreboard I will be interested to see how Kulemin responds to last nite's demotion, whether John Mitchell can keep it going, what Finger does, and whether Alex Steen plans on doing anything at all this season. TO THE FAILCAVE!
Brain's 'Hate Circuit' Identified
ScienceDaily (Oct. 29, 2008) -- People who view pictures of someone they hate display activity in distinct areas of the brain that, together, may be thought of as a 'hate circuit', according to new research by scientists at UCL (University College London).
Apparently the experiment involved sitting Cox and Berger down and showing them pictures of:Two Leaf fans smiling
Luke Schenn
Richard Peddie
Cliff Fletcher
Ron Wilson
a sunrise
a newborn puppy
I will be watching at least part of the Leafs loss to the Devils tonite, so feel free to stop by and distract me from the pain that is New Jersey hockey and Toronto's decade-plus ineptitude when faced with same. No Cox 'liveblog' tonight (a real live blog updates more than three times a game and doesn't moderate out comments), so I'll be without his jilted-lover rage towards Matt Stajan for writing McCabe's name on his stick (OMG MATT'S IN THE BURN BOOK NOW), and 'analysis' like saying it'll take another month to evaluate the team after the Ottawa game before concluding they suck again down a goal after one period.
Christ, if they won the Cup I am dead certain he'd be saying we should 'evaluate' them after their next four seasons to judge if it was a fluke or not so then we can go back in time and not care unless they turn into the 80s Oilers.
Myself, instead of watching the scoreboard I will be interested to see how Kulemin responds to last nite's demotion, whether John Mitchell can keep it going, what Finger does, and whether Alex Steen plans on doing anything at all this season. TO THE FAILCAVE!
Does anyone else get the impression that Damien Cox wants Luke Schenn to fail? Isn't that kind of messed up?
Here's Cox's take from this morning:
I don't see why the Leafs are wasting a contract year on Schenn at the beginning of a rebuilding process, but I do not for a second believe that the kid is out of his depth. He isn't going to win the Calder, but he has shown so far that he belongs.
We often rip on baseball writers who ignore stats and base their opinions on what they see what they see with their own eyes and feel in their gut. Well, this is kind of awkward because I am basing my opinion on what I see, while Cox is using statistics to support his argument:
That's just the way the team is built. All the Luke Schenn hype in the world isn't going to change that, and isn't it a shame the Leafs are determined to use such a quality prospect to deliver a public relations message? The kid is minus 4 now, and how will Cliff Fletcher and Ron Wilson doubletalk this one when January rolls around and that stat is into double figures?
I'm actually comfortable taking the traditional scout-view here, because Cox makes the same mistake as many baseball writers: he is using a bad stat. I think by now everyone knows that RBI can't really give you a good gauge of a player's performance because it is so dependent on the performance of others on the team (it is technically possible for a batter to hit 80 homeruns and only record 80 RsBI). I view plus-minus in the same way: a team stat that doesn't accurately reflect the performance of individual players.
It seems like Cox has been forced to remove a "1967" to fit plus-minus into his template (though he still managed to sneak one into his lede today), judging from how he often he has mentioned it lately. When it comes to Schenn, stats such as hits and blocked shots mean nothing, while plus-minus is the be all and end all.
Out of interest, I decided to see what other NHL players are "doing there level best to hang in there at the NHL level." Or, more accurately, if plus-minus is an accurate gauge of how good an NHL player is, I want to know who is worse that Schenn.
Interesting:
Look at that list of names. Ed Jovanovski and Pavel Kubina have the same plus-minus as Luke Schenn. Mathieu Schneider is at a whopping minus-10. Calder favourite Fabian Brunnstrom is a minus-six. Aren't Chris Drury and Mike Fisher known as great two-way forwards? Why do they have the same or worse plus/minus rating as Luke Schenn? It is almost as if the stat tells you little about what these players contribute and is useless for supporting the argument that Schenn isn't ready in the NHL. Go figure.
Here's Cox's take from this morning:
Schenn, meanwhile, received another 22:56 of ice time from Wilson, and for now is doing his level best to hang in there at the NHL level. The correct call at this point, with the Leafs having committed to keep him all season, might be to give him a couple of games off to help him catch his wind and then send him out again.
But this isn't about making the correct call for the young man's future. Never has been.I don't see why the Leafs are wasting a contract year on Schenn at the beginning of a rebuilding process, but I do not for a second believe that the kid is out of his depth. He isn't going to win the Calder, but he has shown so far that he belongs.
We often rip on baseball writers who ignore stats and base their opinions on what they see what they see with their own eyes and feel in their gut. Well, this is kind of awkward because I am basing my opinion on what I see, while Cox is using statistics to support his argument:
That's just the way the team is built. All the Luke Schenn hype in the world isn't going to change that, and isn't it a shame the Leafs are determined to use such a quality prospect to deliver a public relations message? The kid is minus 4 now, and how will Cliff Fletcher and Ron Wilson doubletalk this one when January rolls around and that stat is into double figures?
I'm actually comfortable taking the traditional scout-view here, because Cox makes the same mistake as many baseball writers: he is using a bad stat. I think by now everyone knows that RBI can't really give you a good gauge of a player's performance because it is so dependent on the performance of others on the team (it is technically possible for a batter to hit 80 homeruns and only record 80 RsBI). I view plus-minus in the same way: a team stat that doesn't accurately reflect the performance of individual players.
It seems like Cox has been forced to remove a "1967" to fit plus-minus into his template (though he still managed to sneak one into his lede today), judging from how he often he has mentioned it lately. When it comes to Schenn, stats such as hits and blocked shots mean nothing, while plus-minus is the be all and end all.
Out of interest, I decided to see what other NHL players are "doing there level best to hang in there at the NHL level." Or, more accurately, if plus-minus is an accurate gauge of how good an NHL player is, I want to know who is worse that Schenn.
Interesting:
| Player | +/- |
| Mathieu Schneider | -10 |
| Brent Sopel | -7 |
| Brett Lebda | -7 |
| Denis Gauthier | -7 |
| Andrew Murray | -7 |
| Fabian Brunnstrom | -6 |
| Kris Draper | -6 |
| Tom Preissing | -6 |
| Nick Foligno | -6 |
| R.J. Umberger | -6 |
| Brendan Morrison | -5 |
| Todd Bertuzzi | -5 |
| Rod Brind'Amour | -5 |
| Trevor Daley | -5 |
| Matt Niskanen | -5 |
| Derek Armstrong | -5 |
| Mike Fisher | -5 |
| Chris Phillips | -5 |
| David Hale | -5 |
| Eric Brewer | -5 |
| Andy McDonald | -5 |
| John Mitchell | -5 |
| Erik Christensen | -5 |
| Kristian Huselius | -5 |
| Fredrik Modin | -5 |
| James Sheppard | -5 |
| Teemu Selanne | -4 |
| Adrian Aucoin | -4 |
| Dustin Boyd | -4 |
| Mike Ribeiro | -4 |
| Daniel Cleary | -4 |
| Brian Boyle | -4 |
| Peter Harrold | -4 |
| Raitis Ivanans | -4 |
| Bruno Gervais | -4 |
| Andy Hilbert | -4 |
| Jeff Tambellini | -4 |
| Chris Drury | -4 |
| Dany Heatley | -4 |
| Anton Volchenkov | -4 |
| Jesse Winchester | -4 |
| Ed Jovanovski | -4 |
| Kyle Turris | -4 |
| Max Talbot | -4 |
| Brad Boyes | -4 |
| Mikhail Grabovski | -4 |
| Pavel Kubina | -4 |
| Nikolai Kulemin | -4 |
| Jamal Mayers | -4 |
| Dan Hamhuis | -4 |
| Patric Hornqvist | -4 |
| Greg de Vries | -4 |
| Slava Kozlov | -4 |
| Stephane Veilleux | -4 |
Look at that list of names. Ed Jovanovski and Pavel Kubina have the same plus-minus as Luke Schenn. Mathieu Schneider is at a whopping minus-10. Calder favourite Fabian Brunnstrom is a minus-six. Aren't Chris Drury and Mike Fisher known as great two-way forwards? Why do they have the same or worse plus/minus rating as Luke Schenn? It is almost as if the stat tells you little about what these players contribute and is useless for supporting the argument that Schenn isn't ready in the NHL. Go figure.
Well Blocheads, we are making progress. Between our efforts, and those of our fellow Barilkospherites, it appears that Working Class Howard has finally realized that it is unfair and untrue to continue painting all Leafs fans as blue-faced extras from Day of the Dead parading down Bay Street mindlessly driven by our once-human urge to support a team that hasn't won a single meaningful game in more than forty years. Brains! 1967! Go Leagfdd hgschennjsfkrub rfswendelbnm bvmdougienku8th jhhnj.!!!!!
From Berger's most recent Manifesto:
Separating doctrine from reality, of course, has forever been a challenge in the Kool-Aid capital of the hockey universe, where 90% of the media and 98% of the fan-base swallows anything the Maple Leafs propagate.
This is the first time that Leafs fans have been below 100 on the Berger Idiocy Index. Congrats: Two percent of you are smart enough to think for yourselves...though I wouldn't be surprised if Berger's stats had an error margin of +/- two percent.
From Berger's most recent Manifesto:
Separating doctrine from reality, of course, has forever been a challenge in the Kool-Aid capital of the hockey universe, where 90% of the media and 98% of the fan-base swallows anything the Maple Leafs propagate.
This is the first time that Leafs fans have been below 100 on the Berger Idiocy Index. Congrats: Two percent of you are smart enough to think for yourselves...though I wouldn't be surprised if Berger's stats had an error margin of +/- two percent.
What the hell has happened to Steve Simmons? Remember him? 2007 Mittenstringer of the year? The guy who invented Mats Sundin's hip injury? Didn't know how ERA worked? Strings together pointless brain-droppings and bad jokes with ellipses and calls it a column? Wonders whatever happened to people? That guy? Steve Simmons?
I can remember a short year ago when the name Steve Simmons meant guaranteed content for our modest little media-criticism blog. It was like he was writing mind-boggling nonsense just so that Godd and I would have something to do besides get drunk and watch Hibs goals on Youtube. Now? Nothing. We haven't ripped on the guy since May 25, 2008, and not because we haven't been looking for a reason. Trust me, once you're on the radar, you're not getting off.
What does this mean? How does a guy go from feeding us nearly 20% (I did the math) of the content for this blog to nothing in a few short months? Is it possible that he's actually better? I mean, the guy has done good work in the past. He has/had good connections with the Leafs and broken stories (some of them even true, hey-o), and his coverage of the David Frost nastiness has been excellent. But what happened to the guy who made up stats, baited the fans, and used his column to settle personal scores with local sports personalities?
Sure, Simmons could still round back into form, but five months is a pretty decent sample size. If Rocky can change, and Drago can change, who is to say that Steve Simmons can't change? Maybe everyone can change?
Everyone, of course, except for Damien Cox.
Till and I worried at the start of the season that the current rebuilding of the Toronto Maple Leafs may be bad for the blog. Unless the Leafs did something stupid like trade their first rounder and Pogge for Gaborik or decide to keep Schenn up for the full season, the mittenstringers wouldn't really have much to ammo. How can you criticize a bunch of kids and fourth-liners for not winning? Even the tired meme about Leafs fans planning the parade after a two game winning streak seemed to have been put to rest before the start of the season.
Well, no one seems to have told TEH COX:
Once again, proof that there's nothing like a two-game winning streak.
Can you see where this is going? Jesus. I'm going to skip over most of this column and just get to the good bits.
...
...
...
That was a trick. There aren't any. I don't like Damien's blog posting and I think it is just the usual negative, glass-half-empty approach.
Here is my favourite part though:
Maybe Simmons could give him some advice during commercials on the Reporters.
I can remember a short year ago when the name Steve Simmons meant guaranteed content for our modest little media-criticism blog. It was like he was writing mind-boggling nonsense just so that Godd and I would have something to do besides get drunk and watch Hibs goals on Youtube. Now? Nothing. We haven't ripped on the guy since May 25, 2008, and not because we haven't been looking for a reason. Trust me, once you're on the radar, you're not getting off.
What does this mean? How does a guy go from feeding us nearly 20% (I did the math) of the content for this blog to nothing in a few short months? Is it possible that he's actually better? I mean, the guy has done good work in the past. He has/had good connections with the Leafs and broken stories (some of them even true, hey-o), and his coverage of the David Frost nastiness has been excellent. But what happened to the guy who made up stats, baited the fans, and used his column to settle personal scores with local sports personalities?
Sure, Simmons could still round back into form, but five months is a pretty decent sample size. If Rocky can change, and Drago can change, who is to say that Steve Simmons can't change? Maybe everyone can change?
Everyone, of course, except for Damien Cox.
Till and I worried at the start of the season that the current rebuilding of the Toronto Maple Leafs may be bad for the blog. Unless the Leafs did something stupid like trade their first rounder and Pogge for Gaborik or decide to keep Schenn up for the full season, the mittenstringers wouldn't really have much to ammo. How can you criticize a bunch of kids and fourth-liners for not winning? Even the tired meme about Leafs fans planning the parade after a two game winning streak seemed to have been put to rest before the start of the season.
Well, no one seems to have told TEH COX:
Once again, proof that there's nothing like a two-game winning streak.
Can you see where this is going? Jesus. I'm going to skip over most of this column and just get to the good bits.
...
...
...
That was a trick. There aren't any. I don't like Damien's blog posting and I think it is just the usual negative, glass-half-empty approach.
Here is my favourite part though:
Some won't like this blog posting, and will say its the usual
negative, glass-half-empty approach. This team was not expected to do
well, and some will suggest three wins in eight games to start the
season is evidence of a team that is over-achieving.
But isn't it about time Leaf fans and local media started looking at their hockey team realistically, rather than believing in the latest two-game win streak?
Well from what I've heard (and I gathered this info by, you know, actually talking to people) Leafs fans seem to be on board. It would be nice if Damien Cox would take a shot at the media aspect of his noble suggestion.Maybe Simmons could give him some advice during commercials on the Reporters.
Act 1 - Nothing to be done
When I was in Saskatoon last month I took a glimpse at the map and noticed that I was a mere three hours away from the birthplace of the greatest New York Islander of all time. Thanks to a very understanding girlfriend and an abundance of time on our hands, we decided to make the trek to Kelvington, Saskatchewan to see for ourselves the tiny little town where Wendel Clark was born and raised.
The road to Kelvington was riddled with so many potholes, canyons and what seemed to be asteroid impact sites that it kind of looked like Bob Probert's face. By the time we rode into Kelvington, feeling about a half past dead, we were hoping to be greeted by a giant "Welcome to the Birthplace of Wendel Clark" billboard. Instead, there was nothing.
I said "Hey Eve Styzerman, come on, lets go downtown," and we drove around looking for a statue or monument or even a rusted plaque in front of the hockey rink, but once again found the kind of recognition you would expect to see in Chris Neil's hometown. Nothing.
After cruising through town a few times we stopped at the Post Office to get some answers. I said: "Hey Mister can you tell me where a man might find some of the landmarks that might interest a big fan of the one and only Wendel Clark." He just grinned and shook my hand and "no" was all he said. Except that it was a woman behind the counter, and instead of no, she said "not really." Turns out that both the house where Wendel was born and the hockey rink where he learned to skate and maim Dino Ciccarelli were both torn down years ago.
She told us that the only Wendelphernalia we had any chance of finding was actually the woman who gave birth to the great man himself. "If you head out to the restaurant on the highway, you might run into Wendel's mom. She goes there for lunch quite a bit."
It seemed a bit too obsessive trying to track down Wendel's mother, but the woman at the post office assured us that she would love to see us and talk about Wendel.
Act 2 - We wait. We are bored
Of course, when we got to the restaurant there was no Ma' Clark to be found. We took a load off, ate some lunch, and looked around the bar where we finally found some evidence that Wendel was in fact the pride and joy of this small and statueless prairie town:
First of all, Wendel's jersey hanging from the wall:
Secondly, a collection of stuffed elk or deer heads that I can only assume Wendel tore off with his bare hands:
More importantly, our waitress directed us to the golf course next door where we finally found the tribute to Wendel Clark we had been looking for. Well, not quite, but we did find some over-sized hand-painted hockey cards recognizing the relatively large (for a town of 700 people) pool of hockey talent (plus Barry Melrose) given to the world by Kelvington.
You might think that we felt like you probably do about this post if you managed to read this far: "Nothing happens, nobody comes, nobody goes, it's awful! What the fuck!." Well, not quite. Sure, we were hoping to see a massive golden shrine erected in the centre of town honouring Captain Crunch, but instead we got so much more. We got the Kelvington experience. When we went back to the restaurant we talked with an old man who noticed us taking pictures of the memorabilia lining the walls. "What is it about this place that produced so many NHL players? Is it something in the water?" I asked.
"No," he replied. "there is nothing else to do here besides play hockey."
That's Kelvington. Let's go.
Yes, let's go.
When I was in Saskatoon last month I took a glimpse at the map and noticed that I was a mere three hours away from the birthplace of the greatest New York Islander of all time. Thanks to a very understanding girlfriend and an abundance of time on our hands, we decided to make the trek to Kelvington, Saskatchewan to see for ourselves the tiny little town where Wendel Clark was born and raised.
The road to Kelvington was riddled with so many potholes, canyons and what seemed to be asteroid impact sites that it kind of looked like Bob Probert's face. By the time we rode into Kelvington, feeling about a half past dead, we were hoping to be greeted by a giant "Welcome to the Birthplace of Wendel Clark" billboard. Instead, there was nothing.
I said "Hey Eve Styzerman, come on, lets go downtown," and we drove around looking for a statue or monument or even a rusted plaque in front of the hockey rink, but once again found the kind of recognition you would expect to see in Chris Neil's hometown. Nothing.
After cruising through town a few times we stopped at the Post Office to get some answers. I said: "Hey Mister can you tell me where a man might find some of the landmarks that might interest a big fan of the one and only Wendel Clark." He just grinned and shook my hand and "no" was all he said. Except that it was a woman behind the counter, and instead of no, she said "not really." Turns out that both the house where Wendel was born and the hockey rink where he learned to skate and maim Dino Ciccarelli were both torn down years ago.
She told us that the only Wendelphernalia we had any chance of finding was actually the woman who gave birth to the great man himself. "If you head out to the restaurant on the highway, you might run into Wendel's mom. She goes there for lunch quite a bit."
It seemed a bit too obsessive trying to track down Wendel's mother, but the woman at the post office assured us that she would love to see us and talk about Wendel.
Act 2 - We wait. We are bored
Of course, when we got to the restaurant there was no Ma' Clark to be found. We took a load off, ate some lunch, and looked around the bar where we finally found some evidence that Wendel was in fact the pride and joy of this small and statueless prairie town:
First of all, Wendel's jersey hanging from the wall:
Secondly, a collection of stuffed elk or deer heads that I can only assume Wendel tore off with his bare hands:
More importantly, our waitress directed us to the golf course next door where we finally found the tribute to Wendel Clark we had been looking for. Well, not quite, but we did find some over-sized hand-painted hockey cards recognizing the relatively large (for a town of 700 people) pool of hockey talent (plus Barry Melrose) given to the world by Kelvington.
You might think that we felt like you probably do about this post if you managed to read this far: "Nothing happens, nobody comes, nobody goes, it's awful! What the fuck!." Well, not quite. Sure, we were hoping to see a massive golden shrine erected in the centre of town honouring Captain Crunch, but instead we got so much more. We got the Kelvington experience. When we went back to the restaurant we talked with an old man who noticed us taking pictures of the memorabilia lining the walls. "What is it about this place that produced so many NHL players? Is it something in the water?" I asked.
"No," he replied. "there is nothing else to do here besides play hockey."
That's Kelvington. Let's go.
Yes, let's go.
The Belleville Bulls motto is 'Let's Go Wild!' (though their logo clearly displays a domesticated bull with a ring through it's nose - COME ON PEOPLE. On the other hand, chugging a few Mike's Hard in the parking lot of the Quinte Mall counts as 'going wild' in Belleville, so I guess it's all relative) The real motto should be "Torpedoing the Leafs for Three Decades."
That's right, I have identified what needs to be a crucial plank in any Leafs rebuild: keep any skaters from the banks of the Moira at least three leagues away from the Leafs at all times. Look, if you dare, at this list of Bulls who have appeared for the Blue and White:
Bryan Marchment Why did we have to get this guy after he spent most of his peak years running around trying to end Wendel's career? It was worse than cheering for Lindros. DGB, stop by with the link of Clarkie ripping his helmet off and cheer us all up.
Kyle Wellwood Who had two points tonight. Perfect.
Andrew Raycroft Backstopped the Leafs with the cool and confidence of Mike Bullard hosting a late night talk show. He is seriously the worst starting goalie I can ever remember seeing. Even Red Light Racicot only got like five games a year.
Rob Pearson Full disclosure: as a kid, I loved Rob Pearson. He was definitely one of my five favourite Leafs. I remember one year he won the accuracy contest at the Blue and White skills event. I was convinced that this meant Rob was about to break out and snipe the 40 goals I knew he was capable of. Fuck, I wish I was 12 again. I'd probably be telling my friends that Dominic Moore is the most underrated player in hockey. Of course, I still think Jiri Tlusty is going to be awesome, so maybe in some important ways I am. Redeem my faith, Jiri!
Scott Thornton I could never tell the difference between him and Shawn Thornton, until one day last year it was driving me nuts and I looked it up. I was shocked to realize that Scott Thornton was still playing in the NHL. Of course, Thornton and Pearson were taken 3rd and 12th overall by the Leafs in the same draft year. What did Scott have that kept him in the league a full eleven years after his Belleville brother? Anyways, 3rd overall pick. Not an optimal use of resources there.
Brandon Convery Probably the only Leaf I overrated more than Rob Pearson. That says it all.
Matt Stajan Eric Bischoff, when criticized for not utilizing guys like Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, and Dean Malenko more referred to them dismissively as the "Vanilla Midgets." He meant they were mediocre, colourless, slot fillers. Stajan and Steen are the Leafs Vanilla Midgets. I don't think Stajan will end up taking out Shawn Michaels's knee in an epic brawl at Summerslam, though, so advantage: Y2J.
Kris Newbury In real danger of losing the 'designated speedbag' role to Ryan Hollweg.
Quite a list, huh? I think we've learned to be leery of an organization whose top scorer at the NHL level is noted puck wizard Marty McSorley. The more you know.....
And there is one Bull who was quite an asset to the Leafs (besides Spezza). Can you guess who?
That's right, I have identified what needs to be a crucial plank in any Leafs rebuild: keep any skaters from the banks of the Moira at least three leagues away from the Leafs at all times. Look, if you dare, at this list of Bulls who have appeared for the Blue and White:
Bryan Marchment Why did we have to get this guy after he spent most of his peak years running around trying to end Wendel's career? It was worse than cheering for Lindros. DGB, stop by with the link of Clarkie ripping his helmet off and cheer us all up.
Kyle Wellwood Who had two points tonight. Perfect.
Andrew Raycroft Backstopped the Leafs with the cool and confidence of Mike Bullard hosting a late night talk show. He is seriously the worst starting goalie I can ever remember seeing. Even Red Light Racicot only got like five games a year.
Rob Pearson Full disclosure: as a kid, I loved Rob Pearson. He was definitely one of my five favourite Leafs. I remember one year he won the accuracy contest at the Blue and White skills event. I was convinced that this meant Rob was about to break out and snipe the 40 goals I knew he was capable of. Fuck, I wish I was 12 again. I'd probably be telling my friends that Dominic Moore is the most underrated player in hockey. Of course, I still think Jiri Tlusty is going to be awesome, so maybe in some important ways I am. Redeem my faith, Jiri!
Scott Thornton I could never tell the difference between him and Shawn Thornton, until one day last year it was driving me nuts and I looked it up. I was shocked to realize that Scott Thornton was still playing in the NHL. Of course, Thornton and Pearson were taken 3rd and 12th overall by the Leafs in the same draft year. What did Scott have that kept him in the league a full eleven years after his Belleville brother? Anyways, 3rd overall pick. Not an optimal use of resources there.
Brandon Convery Probably the only Leaf I overrated more than Rob Pearson. That says it all.
Matt Stajan Eric Bischoff, when criticized for not utilizing guys like Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, and Dean Malenko more referred to them dismissively as the "Vanilla Midgets." He meant they were mediocre, colourless, slot fillers. Stajan and Steen are the Leafs Vanilla Midgets. I don't think Stajan will end up taking out Shawn Michaels's knee in an epic brawl at Summerslam, though, so advantage: Y2J.
Kris Newbury In real danger of losing the 'designated speedbag' role to Ryan Hollweg.
Quite a list, huh? I think we've learned to be leery of an organization whose top scorer at the NHL level is noted puck wizard Marty McSorley. The more you know.....
And there is one Bull who was quite an asset to the Leafs (besides Spezza). Can you guess who?
After reading Ian Winwood's saucy sally on our local hockey club, I thought, 'hey, writing for one of the world's most respected news sources doesn't look so hard after all!' So I fortified myself with some Pimm's and decided to share my thoughts from 'across the pond' as I believe they say. I think that Ian will be tickled, in the spirit of 'play up and play the game', let the other fellow get a decent bite at the crumpet, the Battle of Ulundi and all that. Please check his article out first and then read my feeble attempt at a riposte from the colonies. Innit?!
So the one time I went to London (which basically seemed the same as Glasgow to me, right down to the shell-suited mobs of alcopop swigging, shiv-wielding youth roaming the streets) I headed back to my hotel and turned on Fox News. I always say there's no better way to get inside a culture than by sitting in an anonymous room and watching cable.
After a while, I started to wonder where the hell the NASCAR highlights were. I noticed that in England, they spend a lot of time talking about football. England really is the football capital of the world. It invented the game, and was kind enough to let everyone beat them at it, it has Wembley, the rebuilt national stadium everyone hates, and it has the English national football team. Who suck.
The last time the English team won anything, it was when the World Cup was held on their own home turf back in 1966. Even then, they were aided by shocking biased refereeing decisions in their games against Argentina and West Germany, and anyways, that wasn't even much of an accomplishment. No real World Cup this, they basically beat 1/3 of Europe and a couple South American sides. And talent? Robinho and Thierry Henry weren't even born! How hard could it have been? Since then, they have never advanced to a major final, while even minnows like Denmark and Greece have taken home major international honours. Maybe the problem started when England's prime minister, and therefore an accurate stand in for the football team and all their fans, Margaret Thatcher, declared war on Argentina for no good reason other than to distract people from her campaign of setting Britons against each other and then tearing society apart to sell it to the highest bidder. Since then, Argentina has won the World Cup once (beating England on the way thanks to two sublime Maradona goals) and advanced to another final. Coincidence?
Anyways, even though it's been FORTY TWO YEARS since England won anything, their deluded supporters continue to cheer for the team of their birth, wildly backing go-nowhere losers cause it's 'the team they've cheered for all their lives' or something. Although rumours of it being hard to get into England games is probably vastly overstated, cause I went to the Maracana one time and it was half-empty. Granted, there wasn't a match on that day, but still! Why would the default national team of 50 million people get any support, anyways? If they had any self-respect they would have taken out German citizenship years ago. Yet they continue to live in England and hope they will win again. What arrogance! Those colossal pricks!
So is it good for the game to see England win? The world needs Togo and Uruguay too, you know. Just to be. Nations. Heavy. I dunno, I've been writing this column for a whole 15 minutes and now my head hurts. In conclusion, England LOLZ ROFLcopter .
Can I have a job now?
So the one time I went to London (which basically seemed the same as Glasgow to me, right down to the shell-suited mobs of alcopop swigging, shiv-wielding youth roaming the streets) I headed back to my hotel and turned on Fox News. I always say there's no better way to get inside a culture than by sitting in an anonymous room and watching cable.
After a while, I started to wonder where the hell the NASCAR highlights were. I noticed that in England, they spend a lot of time talking about football. England really is the football capital of the world. It invented the game, and was kind enough to let everyone beat them at it, it has Wembley, the rebuilt national stadium everyone hates, and it has the English national football team. Who suck.
The last time the English team won anything, it was when the World Cup was held on their own home turf back in 1966. Even then, they were aided by shocking biased refereeing decisions in their games against Argentina and West Germany, and anyways, that wasn't even much of an accomplishment. No real World Cup this, they basically beat 1/3 of Europe and a couple South American sides. And talent? Robinho and Thierry Henry weren't even born! How hard could it have been? Since then, they have never advanced to a major final, while even minnows like Denmark and Greece have taken home major international honours. Maybe the problem started when England's prime minister, and therefore an accurate stand in for the football team and all their fans, Margaret Thatcher, declared war on Argentina for no good reason other than to distract people from her campaign of setting Britons against each other and then tearing society apart to sell it to the highest bidder. Since then, Argentina has won the World Cup once (beating England on the way thanks to two sublime Maradona goals) and advanced to another final. Coincidence?
Anyways, even though it's been FORTY TWO YEARS since England won anything, their deluded supporters continue to cheer for the team of their birth, wildly backing go-nowhere losers cause it's 'the team they've cheered for all their lives' or something. Although rumours of it being hard to get into England games is probably vastly overstated, cause I went to the Maracana one time and it was half-empty. Granted, there wasn't a match on that day, but still! Why would the default national team of 50 million people get any support, anyways? If they had any self-respect they would have taken out German citizenship years ago. Yet they continue to live in England and hope they will win again. What arrogance! Those colossal pricks!
So is it good for the game to see England win? The world needs Togo and Uruguay too, you know. Just to be. Nations. Heavy. I dunno, I've been writing this column for a whole 15 minutes and now my head hurts. In conclusion, England LOLZ ROFLcopter .
Can I have a job now?
If you're here, you're probably looking for something to distract you from the 60 minute Undertaker vs Iron Mike Sharpe battle that is Hockey Night in Canada. The second period just ended - after absorbing a ton of punishment Iron Mike got in a drop kick, but then was immediately clotheslined and chokeslammed.
So, let's do something else. Which of the following is a real quote?
a) "A lot of people just start fookin' running their mouths whenever someone sticks a tape recorder in front of their fookin' gob. They should know when to keep their opinions to themselves." - Liam Gallagher
b) "I respected Jean Chretien and thought he was a great PM. I could never understand a word he said, though."
-Stephane Dion
c) "The concert was enjoyable, but I could have done without the constant chants to "Give up the funk" or that they "Gotta have some funk." Many people are just not interested in "Turning that mother out."
-George Clinton
d)"Toronto rooters pouring onto Jefferson Avenue in unfettered euphoria, oblivious to the rather lame taunts of "42 years!... 42 years!" from the losing patrons on this night." - Howard Berger
e)"I want everyone to be respectful. And let's make sure we are, because that's the way politics is done in America. I have to tell you, [Barack Obama] is a decent person, a person that you do not have to be scared [of] as president of the United States." - John McCain
f) "Hey ref, have another donut!" - Kyle Wellwood
So, let's do something else. Which of the following is a real quote?
a) "A lot of people just start fookin' running their mouths whenever someone sticks a tape recorder in front of their fookin' gob. They should know when to keep their opinions to themselves." - Liam Gallagher
b) "I respected Jean Chretien and thought he was a great PM. I could never understand a word he said, though."
-Stephane Dion
c) "The concert was enjoyable, but I could have done without the constant chants to "Give up the funk" or that they "Gotta have some funk." Many people are just not interested in "Turning that mother out."
-George Clinton
d)"Toronto rooters pouring onto Jefferson Avenue in unfettered euphoria, oblivious to the rather lame taunts of "42 years!... 42 years!" from the losing patrons on this night." - Howard Berger
e)"I want everyone to be respectful. And let's make sure we are, because that's the way politics is done in America. I have to tell you, [Barack Obama] is a decent person, a person that you do not have to be scared [of] as president of the United States." - John McCain
f) "Hey ref, have another donut!" - Kyle Wellwood
Please enjoy the season preview. We hope you enjoy something this season.
Godd Till: Comrades! Again we gather to preview another Toronto Maple Leafs QUEST FOR FAIL. What do you think of the 08-09 squad? Will they be an epic failure, like Mike Bullard's talk show, or merely a run of the mill failure, like Mike Bullard's standup career?
Kim Jorn: I agree with Howard Berger, so put me in the talk-show camp. The Leafs have a damn good chance of finishing dead-last this year. The Quest for Fail has an even greater chance of success if Captain Cliff can throw Toskala, Blake and Kaberle off the side of the side of the sinking ship at the trade-deadline. I am really looking forward to watching the Leafs rush John Tavares into the line-up in 2008.
Unless things have changed, I imagine you're still holding onto your Linus-and-the-Great-Pumpkin like belief that the Leafs are a playoff team this year?
Godd Till: What a Rovian twisting of my thoughts. I did think with Sundin in the lineup the Leafs had a shot. As it is, no chance. So let's talk about the real point of the whole season. What player's dong are we going to see on Facebook this year? And are you still a Debbie Downer about the Silver Fox's attempt to coat the franchise in sweet, glossy, renewing Grecian Formula?
Kim Jorn: Rovian, eh? If you would have agreed to doing this preview in a town-hall meeting, rather than by email, I wouldn't have needed to go negative. Just wait until I start spreading rumours that those three years trapped in Vancouver made you a bit "nutty". And that you are secretly a treasonous Sens fan. And don't get me started on that Bangladeshi kid you adopted...
Godd Till: "For three and a half years living in a box on the West Coast, Godd Till couldn't watch weekday Leafs games."
Kim Jorn: Anyway, I imagine that the Leafs are giving the rookies a bit of a talking to this year about internet etiquette, so we won't see a repeat of the Jiri NSFW fiasco. It still blows my mind that Jiri's wang was only the third biggest dick exposed during that whole incident (behind that Perez Hilton cover-version and some petulantly outraged columnist at the Toronto Star). As for Fletch Lives, I'm still not completely sold on having someone even older than John McCain at the helm, but, to his credit, at least he didn't hire a slack-jawed extra from Northern Exposure as his second in command.
So, who is this year's Bryan McCabe? Sure the fans are content to watch this team bottom out right now, but I betcha that come December some frustration will be taken out on one of the players (media driven, no doubt). The easy-money is on Finger, but I'm looking at a couple longer shots.
Godd Till: I dunno about the booing and pitchforks. Fletcher and Wilson have done an astute job lowering expectations, to the point that as long as the boys manage not to literally piss all over themselves during games, I think the fans will keep this year in perspective. Cujo may hear it a bit if he keeps trying to out-Razor Raycroft. But the mittenstringers will need to find some leg to hump (otherwise they might have to write about hockey). Right now they are going with OLAS (Our Luke And Saviour) staying with the club. What are your thoughts on that?
Kim Jorn: I'm not so sure. I sometimes think we live in a bubble of more enlightened Leafs fans and forget that there are a whole lotta people out there who think that Cox and Berger are helping navigate the straight-talk express. Those are the people who will be booing Carlo or Antro come December.
I think it is a no-brainer to keep Schenn up for the first ten games. The harder decision comes after that. I'll reserve my decision until then. There are a lot of interesting questions that might be answered, but even more raised by those first ten games. They play, in order, Detroit, Montreal, St. Louis, New York (the good one), Pittsburgh, Anaheim, Boston, Ottawa, Tampa Bay, and New Jersey. All but one of those could be a playoff team this year. So, what is the Leafs record at the end of October, and is the Schenn-sation still with the team at the start of game eleven?
Godd Till: Good points. But you think Carlo will still be vertical in December? I thought I was the optimist!
Hate to nitpick, but if they keep OLAS up for ten games, he can't go back to junior. I think the Leafs record at the end of October will be about 4-5-1, and Wendel willing, Luke goes back to junior after 9 GP. The development issue is a tossup, but it's certainly the safer choice to put him in Kelowna playing 30 minutes a night. And why should they burn a cheap contract year on a team that is going nowhere this year? Send him down.
Kim Jorn: D'oh. Oh well, point stands, and I tend to agree with you that the best decision is to send him down. But that means I also agree with Cox, which doesn't seem right. I'm so confused.
Godd Till: Lots of Leafs are out the door from last season. Who do you think will come back to haunt the Leafs? Overstuffed futsal enthusiast Kyle Wellwood? Cottage Life coverboys McCabe and Tucker? No one?
Kim Jorn: None of those guys you mentioned are coming back to haunt us. It isn't automatic that a player leaves town to become a superstar while Leafs fans think about what could have been. For every Brad Boyes, Russ Courtnall and Jason Smith there is a Jason Allison, Eric Lindros and Joe Nieuwendyk. I group Stay-Puft, McCabe and Tucker in with the last group.
Godd Till: I know. I just wanted to write 'futsal.' DGB did raise a great point I hadn't thought of - McCabe waiving his NTC with Florida to go to a contender at the deadline. I am 100% convinced that this will happen. There was one big name left off our list - serial ditherer Mats Sundin. Is he going somewhere else? How will he do? Will you care when he shows up in another uni?
Kim Jorn: At the trade deadline I felt sick about seeing Sundin in another uniform, but after all this time I don't really care anymore. Maybe it will change if I see him with a Habs Logo or that big Ottawa zero on his chest, but as of right now I'm not bothered.
I think we both agree that the Leafs are finishing at or near the bottom this year, but what about our rivals? Is Montreal totally overrated or the most overrated team ever? Can the Sens compete again now that they have shed their cocaine problems? Can Pittsburgh repeat their performance from last year? Are the Islanders even an NHL team any more?
Godd Till: Montreal is more overrated than the Doors, early Saturday Night Live, or the 2008 Detroit Tigers. They will finish 6th and go out in the first round. Ottawa will make the playoffs, because God hates us. If I had to pick a team to win the Cup, I'd go with something awful like Philly or Dallas. The Capitals will miss the playoffs, as will Edmonton.
But who gives a shit about the other teams? They are but mere extras that flit across the stage of the epic, unending nut-punch we call Watching the Leafs. The real point of the season, besides sucking good and hard, is developing some kids. Who will take a step forward this season, and who will be the subject of endless mittenstringery about the Leafs fans who own all the newspapers and TV stations overhyping their prospects?
Kim Jorn: I saw you over-hyping Jiri NSFW at the Think Factory this morning (I am everywhere like CITY TV), and you mentioned that he has the potential to score 35 goals as a first-line winger. I just don't see it. All of the kids project to be second-liners at best. That isn't a bad thing, but it just shows how badly the Leafs need to tank this year so that they can grab an elite offensive talent. The Leafs can add some offense through free-agency once they are poised to compete, but it would be nice to see the Leafs building around some young offensive talent for once. I know you'll disagree about Tlusty, but just remember that I was right about Wellwood even before he went on that reverse-Bullard diet.
We should probably wrap this up soon. Any final thoughts? Is there a particular mittenstringer that you expect to see shine this year? We've already awarded the MOY to Cox, and then stripped him of the title because of Howard Berger's phenomenal summer. Any predictions on the eventual winner? What is your guess for the 1967 contest? Will Simmons make the same mistake with GAA that he did with ERA and declare that Raycroft should win the Vezina? So many questions, and only 8 months to answer them.
Godd Till: Damn, now I know how Luke Walton feels. With Jiri, like Kulemin and Stralman (who I'm a big believer in), its just too early to tell. Look at the early stats of guys like Datsyuk and Zetterberg. We just don't know yet. I do agree on a forward in the draft.
With regards to MOY, that's why they write the columns, although Damien is looking strong. I think there will be much less in terms of soap opera this year, so he will be forced to ever more hysterically play Chicken Little.
I've got Berger at 103 for the 1967 contest. It will be interesting which columnist declares jihad on I-Ron first. He makes Pat Quinn seem like Tom Bosley.
You're probably right that we should tie this off. To close, finish this sentence:
Watching the Leafs this year will be like....
I'll go first so you can have the last word for once. Watching the Leafs this year will be like watching someone punch a baby. Hopefully, the baby will soon grow up to be Nature Boy Ric Flair, and the Leafs will be stylin' and profilin', making the whole league tap out with their unbreakable figure-four.
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Kim Jorn: Watching the Leafs this year will be like living through the Great Depression, except all the Okies are actually robots with guns that shoot cobras attached to their shoulders and California is an impregnable castle surrounded by a giant moat filled with baked beans and on top of the castle sits a six-year-old John McCain and instead of lies he spits anacondas and a great battle will rage and many lives will be lost yet no one will ever be declared the winner. Or something...you know...kinda awesome, kinda horrifying, and totally fucked-up. I can't wait.
Godd Till: Comrades! Again we gather to preview another Toronto Maple Leafs QUEST FOR FAIL. What do you think of the 08-09 squad? Will they be an epic failure, like Mike Bullard's talk show, or merely a run of the mill failure, like Mike Bullard's standup career?
Kim Jorn: I agree with Howard Berger, so put me in the talk-show camp. The Leafs have a damn good chance of finishing dead-last this year. The Quest for Fail has an even greater chance of success if Captain Cliff can throw Toskala, Blake and Kaberle off the side of the side of the sinking ship at the trade-deadline. I am really looking forward to watching the Leafs rush John Tavares into the line-up in 2008.
Unless things have changed, I imagine you're still holding onto your Linus-and-the-Great-Pumpkin like belief that the Leafs are a playoff team this year?
Godd Till: What a Rovian twisting of my thoughts. I did think with Sundin in the lineup the Leafs had a shot. As it is, no chance. So let's talk about the real point of the whole season. What player's dong are we going to see on Facebook this year? And are you still a Debbie Downer about the Silver Fox's attempt to coat the franchise in sweet, glossy, renewing Grecian Formula?
Kim Jorn: Rovian, eh? If you would have agreed to doing this preview in a town-hall meeting, rather than by email, I wouldn't have needed to go negative. Just wait until I start spreading rumours that those three years trapped in Vancouver made you a bit "nutty". And that you are secretly a treasonous Sens fan. And don't get me started on that Bangladeshi kid you adopted...
Godd Till: "For three and a half years living in a box on the West Coast, Godd Till couldn't watch weekday Leafs games."
Kim Jorn: Anyway, I imagine that the Leafs are giving the rookies a bit of a talking to this year about internet etiquette, so we won't see a repeat of the Jiri NSFW fiasco. It still blows my mind that Jiri's wang was only the third biggest dick exposed during that whole incident (behind that Perez Hilton cover-version and some petulantly outraged columnist at the Toronto Star). As for Fletch Lives, I'm still not completely sold on having someone even older than John McCain at the helm, but, to his credit, at least he didn't hire a slack-jawed extra from Northern Exposure as his second in command.
So, who is this year's Bryan McCabe? Sure the fans are content to watch this team bottom out right now, but I betcha that come December some frustration will be taken out on one of the players (media driven, no doubt). The easy-money is on Finger, but I'm looking at a couple longer shots.
Godd Till: I dunno about the booing and pitchforks. Fletcher and Wilson have done an astute job lowering expectations, to the point that as long as the boys manage not to literally piss all over themselves during games, I think the fans will keep this year in perspective. Cujo may hear it a bit if he keeps trying to out-Razor Raycroft. But the mittenstringers will need to find some leg to hump (otherwise they might have to write about hockey). Right now they are going with OLAS (Our Luke And Saviour) staying with the club. What are your thoughts on that?
Kim Jorn: I'm not so sure. I sometimes think we live in a bubble of more enlightened Leafs fans and forget that there are a whole lotta people out there who think that Cox and Berger are helping navigate the straight-talk express. Those are the people who will be booing Carlo or Antro come December.
I think it is a no-brainer to keep Schenn up for the first ten games. The harder decision comes after that. I'll reserve my decision until then. There are a lot of interesting questions that might be answered, but even more raised by those first ten games. They play, in order, Detroit, Montreal, St. Louis, New York (the good one), Pittsburgh, Anaheim, Boston, Ottawa, Tampa Bay, and New Jersey. All but one of those could be a playoff team this year. So, what is the Leafs record at the end of October, and is the Schenn-sation still with the team at the start of game eleven?
Godd Till: Good points. But you think Carlo will still be vertical in December? I thought I was the optimist!
Hate to nitpick, but if they keep OLAS up for ten games, he can't go back to junior. I think the Leafs record at the end of October will be about 4-5-1, and Wendel willing, Luke goes back to junior after 9 GP. The development issue is a tossup, but it's certainly the safer choice to put him in Kelowna playing 30 minutes a night. And why should they burn a cheap contract year on a team that is going nowhere this year? Send him down.
Kim Jorn: D'oh. Oh well, point stands, and I tend to agree with you that the best decision is to send him down. But that means I also agree with Cox, which doesn't seem right. I'm so confused.
Godd Till: Lots of Leafs are out the door from last season. Who do you think will come back to haunt the Leafs? Overstuffed futsal enthusiast Kyle Wellwood? Cottage Life coverboys McCabe and Tucker? No one?
Kim Jorn: None of those guys you mentioned are coming back to haunt us. It isn't automatic that a player leaves town to become a superstar while Leafs fans think about what could have been. For every Brad Boyes, Russ Courtnall and Jason Smith there is a Jason Allison, Eric Lindros and Joe Nieuwendyk. I group Stay-Puft, McCabe and Tucker in with the last group.
Godd Till: I know. I just wanted to write 'futsal.' DGB did raise a great point I hadn't thought of - McCabe waiving his NTC with Florida to go to a contender at the deadline. I am 100% convinced that this will happen. There was one big name left off our list - serial ditherer Mats Sundin. Is he going somewhere else? How will he do? Will you care when he shows up in another uni?
Kim Jorn: At the trade deadline I felt sick about seeing Sundin in another uniform, but after all this time I don't really care anymore. Maybe it will change if I see him with a Habs Logo or that big Ottawa zero on his chest, but as of right now I'm not bothered.
I think we both agree that the Leafs are finishing at or near the bottom this year, but what about our rivals? Is Montreal totally overrated or the most overrated team ever? Can the Sens compete again now that they have shed their cocaine problems? Can Pittsburgh repeat their performance from last year? Are the Islanders even an NHL team any more?
Godd Till: Montreal is more overrated than the Doors, early Saturday Night Live, or the 2008 Detroit Tigers. They will finish 6th and go out in the first round. Ottawa will make the playoffs, because God hates us. If I had to pick a team to win the Cup, I'd go with something awful like Philly or Dallas. The Capitals will miss the playoffs, as will Edmonton.
But who gives a shit about the other teams? They are but mere extras that flit across the stage of the epic, unending nut-punch we call Watching the Leafs. The real point of the season, besides sucking good and hard, is developing some kids. Who will take a step forward this season, and who will be the subject of endless mittenstringery about the Leafs fans who own all the newspapers and TV stations overhyping their prospects?
Kim Jorn: I saw you over-hyping Jiri NSFW at the Think Factory this morning (I am everywhere like CITY TV), and you mentioned that he has the potential to score 35 goals as a first-line winger. I just don't see it. All of the kids project to be second-liners at best. That isn't a bad thing, but it just shows how badly the Leafs need to tank this year so that they can grab an elite offensive talent. The Leafs can add some offense through free-agency once they are poised to compete, but it would be nice to see the Leafs building around some young offensive talent for once. I know you'll disagree about Tlusty, but just remember that I was right about Wellwood even before he went on that reverse-Bullard diet.
We should probably wrap this up soon. Any final thoughts? Is there a particular mittenstringer that you expect to see shine this year? We've already awarded the MOY to Cox, and then stripped him of the title because of Howard Berger's phenomenal summer. Any predictions on the eventual winner? What is your guess for the 1967 contest? Will Simmons make the same mistake with GAA that he did with ERA and declare that Raycroft should win the Vezina? So many questions, and only 8 months to answer them.
Godd Till: Damn, now I know how Luke Walton feels. With Jiri, like Kulemin and Stralman (who I'm a big believer in), its just too early to tell. Look at the early stats of guys like Datsyuk and Zetterberg. We just don't know yet. I do agree on a forward in the draft.
With regards to MOY, that's why they write the columns, although Damien is looking strong. I think there will be much less in terms of soap opera this year, so he will be forced to ever more hysterically play Chicken Little.
I've got Berger at 103 for the 1967 contest. It will be interesting which columnist declares jihad on I-Ron first. He makes Pat Quinn seem like Tom Bosley.
You're probably right that we should tie this off. To close, finish this sentence:
Watching the Leafs this year will be like....
I'll go first so you can have the last word for once. Watching the Leafs this year will be like watching someone punch a baby. Hopefully, the baby will soon grow up to be Nature Boy Ric Flair, and the Leafs will be stylin' and profilin', making the whole league tap out with their unbreakable figure-four.
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Kim Jorn: Watching the Leafs this year will be like living through the Great Depression, except all the Okies are actually robots with guns that shoot cobras attached to their shoulders and California is an impregnable castle surrounded by a giant moat filled with baked beans and on top of the castle sits a six-year-old John McCain and instead of lies he spits anacondas and a great battle will rage and many lives will be lost yet no one will ever be declared the winner. Or something...you know...kinda awesome, kinda horrifying, and totally fucked-up. I can't wait.
Damien Cox yesterday:
Yet interim/non-interim Cliff Fletcher is the one deciding that Luke Schenn must start in the NHL this season, again ignoring all the history of this team and the obvious reality that life for an 18-year-old NHL defenceman in Toronto is enormously different than for the same player in St. Louis, Atlanta and Los Angeles. It's nice that Alex Pietrangelo, Zach Bogosian and Drew Doughty get to start in the NHL this fall, but that has no bearing on the Leafs and Schenn, or should have no bearing. Nobody will even notice what those kids are doing right or wrong in those towns, while Schenn is going to find out what life is like under the microscope. Sure Scott Stevens broke in successfully as an 18-year-old blueliner in Washington a lifetime ago, but c'mon, nobody was even watching those Caps back then. Stevens could've shot the puck into his own net every night and it wouldn't have been even a note anywhere else.
Damien Cox on October 22, 2007:
So the next time you hear a Leaf player talk about how tough it is to play hockey in a city like Toronto, remember how Boston's baseball and football clubs deal with it and recognize such baloney for what it is.
Don't be so hard on yourself Damien.
Yet interim/non-interim Cliff Fletcher is the one deciding that Luke Schenn must start in the NHL this season, again ignoring all the history of this team and the obvious reality that life for an 18-year-old NHL defenceman in Toronto is enormously different than for the same player in St. Louis, Atlanta and Los Angeles. It's nice that Alex Pietrangelo, Zach Bogosian and Drew Doughty get to start in the NHL this fall, but that has no bearing on the Leafs and Schenn, or should have no bearing. Nobody will even notice what those kids are doing right or wrong in those towns, while Schenn is going to find out what life is like under the microscope. Sure Scott Stevens broke in successfully as an 18-year-old blueliner in Washington a lifetime ago, but c'mon, nobody was even watching those Caps back then. Stevens could've shot the puck into his own net every night and it wouldn't have been even a note anywhere else.
Damien Cox on October 22, 2007:
So the next time you hear a Leaf player talk about how tough it is to play hockey in a city like Toronto, remember how Boston's baseball and football clubs deal with it and recognize such baloney for what it is.
Don't be so hard on yourself Damien.
"A lie told often enough becomes truth"
Vladimir Ilyich Lenin
Working Class Howard popped his head up from the coal mines today to provide us with a glimpse of the radiant future. Good news Habs fans! Howard has your boys taking out the Wings in 6 for the Cup this year. Bad news Habs fans! Howard picked the Canadiens to finish 14th last year. It is almost as if he doesn't know what he is talking about...
As for the Leafs, he's got the Blue and White finishing a Tavares/Hedman friendly dead-last this year. Woot! Hopefully Howard can justify this prediction and didn't just pull some stupid numbers out of his ass to build his case:
The Leafs will place 30th among 30 teams and the only question to be answered is whether they will break the post-lockout record for fewest points in a season. The Philadelphia Flyers hold that distinction with a 56-point showing in 2006-07. In fact, that remains the fewest number of points accrued by any team since Atlanta had 54 in 2001-02. Coincidentally or not, the Leafs 2-5-2 exhibition mark this autumn places the club on a collision course with Philadelphia's dubious honor of two years ago. Multiplying the Leafs' preseason effort over 82 games results in a record of 18-45-19 for 55 points. That is a colossal 16 points less than the worst team in the NHL last season. Tampa Bay brought up the rear with 71 points and won the draft lottery.
Actually, they'd be on pace for ZERO points Howie, cause exhibition games DON'T COUNT IN THE STANDINGS. I look forward to Vancouver's 72-7-3 season this year.
To be fair, Howard tries to mitigate the idiocy of extrapolating pre-season results to deduce a season end point total by pointing out that Vesa Toskala and Ron Wilson may sabotage the season by adding few points that 56 total. However, Howard also mentions that if the Buds manage to utterly shit the bed against the leagues other bottom feeders, a top two lottery pick is theirs.
Good. I hope Howard is right.
The End.
Wait, wait, wait. There is no way that can be the end. I didn't see one mention of how totally fucking stupid I am for supporting the Leafs.
Oh, here we go:
It has become increasingly difficult to dissuade followers of the Maple Leafs through the years, as a crack over the head with a mallet wouldn't be sufficient to cloud the rose-colored glasses indigenous to this tribe.
I know a lot of Leafs fans. Most of my friends are Leafs fans, as are many of my enemies. Many members of my family are Leafs fans. Both my imaginary friends are Leafs fans and I spend too much time on the internet chatting to people I have never met and may have nothing in common with except for the fact that they are Leafs fans. Not a single fucking one of them thinks the Leafs are going to win the Stanley Cup this year. Almost everyone I know wants the Leafs to bottom out.
Where are these Leafs fans with their rose-coloured glasses, Howard? If you took a look at the comments on your very own blog, you would see that at least 90% of your own masochistic readers are hoping that your prediction is correct. The passion that unites us all this year is an unwavering desire for total and absolute failure. Understand? Howard?
In modern professional sport, only fans of the Chicago Cubs are comparable among those willing to absorb infinite punishment. As with the Cubs, force of habit and gullibility have been the Maple Leafs' greatest allies.
First you threaten to beat us with a mallet, and now you are comparing us to Cubs fans? We only chase underperforming defencemen out of town, not dorky kids who field their position in the left-field stands the same way Alex Gonzalez handled that double play ball at short. Give us some credit.
And how has this list of deluded morons all of a sudden been reduced to just the Cubs and Leafs fans. Godd Till's beloved Man City haven't won a title since 1968 and still managed to draw 40,000 people per game even when they were relegated to the old Third Division. Hibernian FC, the only other passion that Till and I share, haven't won a league title since 1952 and a Scottish Cup since 1902, yet manage to regularly fill Easter Road.
There are gluttons for punishment everywhere, and you don't need to visit Cox Bloc or Great Britain to find them either. Here is a list of North American franchises that haven't won fuck-all since the Leafs last hoisted the Cup, or in some cases (GASP!), even before:
Chicago Cubs - 1908
Arizona Cardinals (St. Louis) - 1947
Cleveland Indians - 1948
Sacramento Kings (Rochester Royals) - 1951
San Francisco Giants - 1954
Detroit Lions - 1957
Atlanta Hawks (St. Louis Hawks) - 1958
Philadelphia Eagles - 1960
Tennessee Titans (Houston Oilers) - 1961
Chicago Black Hawks - 1961
Texas Rangers - 1961 (have never won shit)
Houston Astros - 1962 (also have never won anything)
San Diego Chargers - 1963
Cleveland Browns - 1964
Buffalo Bills - 1965
Atlanta Falcons - 1966 (won squat)
New Orleans Saints - 1967 (jack-shit)
Toronto Maple Leafs - 1967
Phoenix Suns - 1968 (zip)
Los Angeles Kings 1968 (nada)
St. Louis Blues - 1968 (nothin')
Of course, some of these teams have inflicted their refusal-to-winningness on more than one town, so we can't really deduce that the people of Sacramento are as dumb as Leafs fans (though, if you like, we could claim that the people of both Rochester and Sacramento are as dumb as Leafs fans - two for one!), and you could argue that the supporters of some of these teams aren't docile sheep because they have followed the path to success laid out by Howard's infamous Montreal Limo Driver: Abandon your team when they fall on hard times, jump back on that front-running bandwagon as soon as the team looks poised for glory. How is that one working for you, Hawks Nation?
By my count, that leaves about twelve teams in North America that haven't won anything in the last 40 years, yet continue to be well-supported by a die-hard fan base:
Cleveland Indians
San Francisco Giants
Detroit Lions
Philadelphia Eagles
Houston Astros
San Diego Chargers
Cleveland Browns
Buffalo Bills
Atlanta Falcons
New Orleans Saints
Phoenix Suns
Los Angeles Kings
Comparing some of these sports to each other is like comparing Steve Phillips' pre-season predictions (Detroit Tigers = 1000 runs and the most dynamic offence in MLB history) to reality, as the NFL teams only play 8 home games per year, while the baseball clubs play 81. Still, with the exception of the Cleveland Indians, each of these teams played in front of crowds with an average capacity of over 85% during the past two full seasons in their respective leagues. That is a lot of morons.
Misery loves company, I guess, though that doesn't really make me feel any better. And, realistically, are we really even in the same company as these other fans? In addition to being a bunch of suckers, do the fans of these teams have to also suffer the infuriating condescension of a bunch of clowns spilling their bizarre loathing of them across the airwaves and newsprint of their respective cities?
To answer this question I could invite readers from these cities to send in their experiences and solicit the opinions of bloggers from across the failure landscape to give us all a better understanding of what losers everywhere have to endure. Or, I could take the road traveled by our local sports scribes and throw facts, evidence and reality out the window and claim my biased opinion as some sort of fact...and that sounds a lot easier...so...No, we've got the short straw here in Toronto. Suck it, Cleveland.
Vladimir Ilyich Lenin
Working Class Howard popped his head up from the coal mines today to provide us with a glimpse of the radiant future. Good news Habs fans! Howard has your boys taking out the Wings in 6 for the Cup this year. Bad news Habs fans! Howard picked the Canadiens to finish 14th last year. It is almost as if he doesn't know what he is talking about...
As for the Leafs, he's got the Blue and White finishing a Tavares/Hedman friendly dead-last this year. Woot! Hopefully Howard can justify this prediction and didn't just pull some stupid numbers out of his ass to build his case:
The Leafs will place 30th among 30 teams and the only question to be answered is whether they will break the post-lockout record for fewest points in a season. The Philadelphia Flyers hold that distinction with a 56-point showing in 2006-07. In fact, that remains the fewest number of points accrued by any team since Atlanta had 54 in 2001-02. Coincidentally or not, the Leafs 2-5-2 exhibition mark this autumn places the club on a collision course with Philadelphia's dubious honor of two years ago. Multiplying the Leafs' preseason effort over 82 games results in a record of 18-45-19 for 55 points. That is a colossal 16 points less than the worst team in the NHL last season. Tampa Bay brought up the rear with 71 points and won the draft lottery.
Actually, they'd be on pace for ZERO points Howie, cause exhibition games DON'T COUNT IN THE STANDINGS. I look forward to Vancouver's 72-7-3 season this year.
To be fair, Howard tries to mitigate the idiocy of extrapolating pre-season results to deduce a season end point total by pointing out that Vesa Toskala and Ron Wilson may sabotage the season by adding few points that 56 total. However, Howard also mentions that if the Buds manage to utterly shit the bed against the leagues other bottom feeders, a top two lottery pick is theirs.
Good. I hope Howard is right.
The End.
Wait, wait, wait. There is no way that can be the end. I didn't see one mention of how totally fucking stupid I am for supporting the Leafs.
Oh, here we go:
It has become increasingly difficult to dissuade followers of the Maple Leafs through the years, as a crack over the head with a mallet wouldn't be sufficient to cloud the rose-colored glasses indigenous to this tribe.
I know a lot of Leafs fans. Most of my friends are Leafs fans, as are many of my enemies. Many members of my family are Leafs fans. Both my imaginary friends are Leafs fans and I spend too much time on the internet chatting to people I have never met and may have nothing in common with except for the fact that they are Leafs fans. Not a single fucking one of them thinks the Leafs are going to win the Stanley Cup this year. Almost everyone I know wants the Leafs to bottom out.
Where are these Leafs fans with their rose-coloured glasses, Howard? If you took a look at the comments on your very own blog, you would see that at least 90% of your own masochistic readers are hoping that your prediction is correct. The passion that unites us all this year is an unwavering desire for total and absolute failure. Understand? Howard?
In modern professional sport, only fans of the Chicago Cubs are comparable among those willing to absorb infinite punishment. As with the Cubs, force of habit and gullibility have been the Maple Leafs' greatest allies.
First you threaten to beat us with a mallet, and now you are comparing us to Cubs fans? We only chase underperforming defencemen out of town, not dorky kids who field their position in the left-field stands the same way Alex Gonzalez handled that double play ball at short. Give us some credit.
And how has this list of deluded morons all of a sudden been reduced to just the Cubs and Leafs fans. Godd Till's beloved Man City haven't won a title since 1968 and still managed to draw 40,000 people per game even when they were relegated to the old Third Division. Hibernian FC, the only other passion that Till and I share, haven't won a league title since 1952 and a Scottish Cup since 1902, yet manage to regularly fill Easter Road.
There are gluttons for punishment everywhere, and you don't need to visit Cox Bloc or Great Britain to find them either. Here is a list of North American franchises that haven't won fuck-all since the Leafs last hoisted the Cup, or in some cases (GASP!), even before:
Chicago Cubs - 1908
Arizona Cardinals (St. Louis) - 1947
Cleveland Indians - 1948
Sacramento Kings (Rochester Royals) - 1951
San Francisco Giants - 1954
Detroit Lions - 1957
Atlanta Hawks (St. Louis Hawks) - 1958
Philadelphia Eagles - 1960
Tennessee Titans (Houston Oilers) - 1961
Chicago Black Hawks - 1961
Texas Rangers - 1961 (have never won shit)
Houston Astros - 1962 (also have never won anything)
San Diego Chargers - 1963
Cleveland Browns - 1964
Buffalo Bills - 1965
Atlanta Falcons - 1966 (won squat)
New Orleans Saints - 1967 (jack-shit)
Toronto Maple Leafs - 1967
Phoenix Suns - 1968 (zip)
Los Angeles Kings 1968 (nada)
St. Louis Blues - 1968 (nothin')
Of course, some of these teams have inflicted their refusal-to-winningness on more than one town, so we can't really deduce that the people of Sacramento are as dumb as Leafs fans (though, if you like, we could claim that the people of both Rochester and Sacramento are as dumb as Leafs fans - two for one!), and you could argue that the supporters of some of these teams aren't docile sheep because they have followed the path to success laid out by Howard's infamous Montreal Limo Driver: Abandon your team when they fall on hard times, jump back on that front-running bandwagon as soon as the team looks poised for glory. How is that one working for you, Hawks Nation?
By my count, that leaves about twelve teams in North America that haven't won anything in the last 40 years, yet continue to be well-supported by a die-hard fan base:
Cleveland Indians
San Francisco Giants
Detroit Lions
Philadelphia Eagles
Houston Astros
San Diego Chargers
Cleveland Browns
Buffalo Bills
Atlanta Falcons
New Orleans Saints
Phoenix Suns
Los Angeles Kings
Comparing some of these sports to each other is like comparing Steve Phillips' pre-season predictions (Detroit Tigers = 1000 runs and the most dynamic offence in MLB history) to reality, as the NFL teams only play 8 home games per year, while the baseball clubs play 81. Still, with the exception of the Cleveland Indians, each of these teams played in front of crowds with an average capacity of over 85% during the past two full seasons in their respective leagues. That is a lot of morons.
Misery loves company, I guess, though that doesn't really make me feel any better. And, realistically, are we really even in the same company as these other fans? In addition to being a bunch of suckers, do the fans of these teams have to also suffer the infuriating condescension of a bunch of clowns spilling their bizarre loathing of them across the airwaves and newsprint of their respective cities?
To answer this question I could invite readers from these cities to send in their experiences and solicit the opinions of bloggers from across the failure landscape to give us all a better understanding of what losers everywhere have to endure. Or, I could take the road traveled by our local sports scribes and throw facts, evidence and reality out the window and claim my biased opinion as some sort of fact...and that sounds a lot easier...so...No, we've got the short straw here in Toronto. Suck it, Cleveland.
For those of you who don't know, I live in Vancouver. What does that mean? It means it's raining right now (this will be true at any time for the next six months). It means Starbucks outnumber bars about 45 to 1. It means one city of two million people where both daily papers are owned by CanWest and differ only in the number of syllables they use to say that homeless people, drug addicts, and the mentally ill should be chained to a garbage barge and sunk in the Georgia Strait. It means the Georgia Straight, an "alternative" newspaper devoted to multipage spreads on condo decoration and yoga trends. I know this blog is supposed to be devoted to the centre of the bad sportswriting universe, but as long as I am exiled here, far away from the land of the Buds, Labatt 50, and lakes that are warm enough to swim in, you can indulge me from time to time.
Worst of all, Vancouver means the Vancouver Canucks. The Canucks? I hear you say. Who cares? Indeed. That was my attitude before I came out here. You know, cute team, floundered around, Harold Snepts, never won anything, change their uniforms every laundry day. The Canucks. What you don't know is the combination of hockey ignorance (Sedins are first-liners), mindless boosterism (tons of people still love Bertuzzi) and an irrational hatred of the Leafs that means you have to take crap about 1967 from fans of a franchise that have never won anything. This is like Dane Cook ragging on Gene Hackman's acting career. I mean, he hasn't won Best Actor since 1971! What a loser!
Ugh. I'd managed to forget about most of this all summer, but made the mistake of listening to local drivetime jackholes Pratt and Taylor on the way home from work today. The lads were all jiggered up about Vancouver's sterling record in a bunch of games that don't count (here's a hint guys: Pittsburgh went 1-7 last year), frothing mad about the Star's prediction of a dead-last Canucks finish.
Particular ire was directed at a shot taken at franchise saviour Kyle Wellwood. "They just went on Google for five minutes and saw the picture of him with the beer belly and went with that." Yeah, or maybe they caught his own coach calling him out in training camp for showing up out of shape again. Either way.
Anyways, Pratt, Taylor, and the other guy in the booth passed around the one brain they share and decided that this was yet another example of the Toronto media having their knives out for the Canucks. Another chapter in the storied rivalry that reaches back through playing each other once a year (maybe) for the last decade and a half, to the 1994 conference finals, to that time in 1988 when Al Secord boarded Tony Tanti, or something. People in Vancouver honestly believe there is some sort of bitter feud going on here. Here's a quick memo for the next Canucks fans who wants to razz me over a beer. Here are the teams that Leafs fans hate:
1. Montreal Canadiens
2. Ottawa Senators
3. Philadelphia Flyers
4. Toronto Maple Leafs
------
345. Cleveland Crusaders
346. Belleville Bulls
347. Cracovia Krakow
348. Vancouver Canucks
349. Miller Chev-Olds Midnight Marauders
Look, it's not Toronto's fault the Canucks have no local rivals. Do an exhibition game with the Seatle Thunderbirds, maybe that'll get something going.
But the cherry on the failure cake was when the chuckleheads asked "Where'd they pick the Leafs"? "Oh, Stanley Cup, no doubt." Important point here: these guys wear Canucks shirts on the air. Can you imagine McCown in a Leafs shirt? You'd have to knock him out and staple it to his chest. But, yes, ho ho, the legendary suck up Toronto media. Why just today, the very same Star giftwrapped this love letter to the team and the fans:
Fuck, I don't know if it's harder living there or here.
Worst of all, Vancouver means the Vancouver Canucks. The Canucks? I hear you say. Who cares? Indeed. That was my attitude before I came out here. You know, cute team, floundered around, Harold Snepts, never won anything, change their uniforms every laundry day. The Canucks. What you don't know is the combination of hockey ignorance (Sedins are first-liners), mindless boosterism (tons of people still love Bertuzzi) and an irrational hatred of the Leafs that means you have to take crap about 1967 from fans of a franchise that have never won anything. This is like Dane Cook ragging on Gene Hackman's acting career. I mean, he hasn't won Best Actor since 1971! What a loser!
Ugh. I'd managed to forget about most of this all summer, but made the mistake of listening to local drivetime jackholes Pratt and Taylor on the way home from work today. The lads were all jiggered up about Vancouver's sterling record in a bunch of games that don't count (here's a hint guys: Pittsburgh went 1-7 last year), frothing mad about the Star's prediction of a dead-last Canucks finish.
Particular ire was directed at a shot taken at franchise saviour Kyle Wellwood. "They just went on Google for five minutes and saw the picture of him with the beer belly and went with that." Yeah, or maybe they caught his own coach calling him out in training camp for showing up out of shape again. Either way.
Anyways, Pratt, Taylor, and the other guy in the booth passed around the one brain they share and decided that this was yet another example of the Toronto media having their knives out for the Canucks. Another chapter in the storied rivalry that reaches back through playing each other once a year (maybe) for the last decade and a half, to the 1994 conference finals, to that time in 1988 when Al Secord boarded Tony Tanti, or something. People in Vancouver honestly believe there is some sort of bitter feud going on here. Here's a quick memo for the next Canucks fans who wants to razz me over a beer. Here are the teams that Leafs fans hate:
1. Montreal Canadiens
2. Ottawa Senators
3. Philadelphia Flyers
4. Toronto Maple Leafs
------
345. Cleveland Crusaders
346. Belleville Bulls
347. Cracovia Krakow
348. Vancouver Canucks
349. Miller Chev-Olds Midnight Marauders
Look, it's not Toronto's fault the Canucks have no local rivals. Do an exhibition game with the Seatle Thunderbirds, maybe that'll get something going.
But the cherry on the failure cake was when the chuckleheads asked "Where'd they pick the Leafs"? "Oh, Stanley Cup, no doubt." Important point here: these guys wear Canucks shirts on the air. Can you imagine McCown in a Leafs shirt? You'd have to knock him out and staple it to his chest. But, yes, ho ho, the legendary suck up Toronto media. Why just today, the very same Star giftwrapped this love letter to the team and the fans:
Fuck, I don't know if it's harder living there or here.
I'm going to ease myself back into the world of blogging* by taking on one of the usual targets around here, the man who's bad name gave us our blog's name, Mr. Damien Cox.
Damien, like the players on the team he so dourly covers, must look forward to the promise of a new hockey season; a chance to start fresh and put those failures of the past behind him. Sure he'll stick to the tired mantras of years gone by (1967, draft schmaft,Quinn Maurice Wilson is useless), but don't be surprised to see some new material entered in to the Cox Canon. Who would have thought at this point last year that Cox would have spent so much time writing about a 19 year-old's junk? No one, I would wager, but look how that turned out. When it comes to Cox we have to expectedly expect to expect the unexpected. Or something like that.
Don't be surprised if one of Cox's major themes this year is one that he tackled this morning in his blog:
Schenn and Filatov, naturally, will be forever linked as their careers unfold. The Leafs, after trading up from the No.7 slot at last June's NHL entry draft, could have grabbed the slick Russian forward, but instead went for the hard rock, stay-at-home Canadian blueliner. Over time, we'll see if the Leafs were bang-on in their assessment, or missed a special player.
You might think that Damien has already made up his mind regarding the Leaf's assessment of Luke Schenn, but don't forget that this is the same man who argued both sides of the Bryan McCabe trade with himself in a span of two days. Sure, Cox thinks that the Leafs are determined to ruin Schenn right now, but just wait until the Leafs send him back to Kelowna and Cox questions the wisdom of not giving a sure fire Calder and Norris winner the chance to shine. Doesn't this team want to win!!!?!??!111!
Now, I don't know what the Leafs should do with Schenn, because I can see an upside and a downside to keeping him. With Cox, of course, it is all downside:
Right now, both look to be promising NHL prospects. Columbus probably won't keep Filatov in the bigs this season, while the Leafs may yet make the wrong decision one more time and force-feed Schenn to the NHL sharks.
Sure, it could be the wrong decision. But even a total fool could point out that an 18 year old defencemen in the NHL isn't necessarily destined for bust-dom. Right, Steve Simmons?
... Why is it assumed by so many that because Jim Benning failed to develop as a teenaged defenceman 26 years ago --yes, we do have long memories -- the same will happen to Luke Schenn if the Maple Leafs keep him around this season? A little history: A similar type defenceman, Scott Stevens, played full time as a teenager for the Washington Capitals and he didn't turn out too badly You can ask Bryan Murray about that: He was the coach ...
Damn! Simmons is the voice of reason. Anything truly can happen. Maybe this is the year. I'm going to call work right now and book of the first week of June for the Stanley Cup parade in Toronto. See you there.
*This is actually the bloggiest blog I have ever written because I am in fact writing it on a computer in my mother's basement.
Damien, like the players on the team he so dourly covers, must look forward to the promise of a new hockey season; a chance to start fresh and put those failures of the past behind him. Sure he'll stick to the tired mantras of years gone by (1967, draft schmaft,
Don't be surprised if one of Cox's major themes this year is one that he tackled this morning in his blog:
Schenn and Filatov, naturally, will be forever linked as their careers unfold. The Leafs, after trading up from the No.7 slot at last June's NHL entry draft, could have grabbed the slick Russian forward, but instead went for the hard rock, stay-at-home Canadian blueliner. Over time, we'll see if the Leafs were bang-on in their assessment, or missed a special player.
You might think that Damien has already made up his mind regarding the Leaf's assessment of Luke Schenn, but don't forget that this is the same man who argued both sides of the Bryan McCabe trade with himself in a span of two days. Sure, Cox thinks that the Leafs are determined to ruin Schenn right now, but just wait until the Leafs send him back to Kelowna and Cox questions the wisdom of not giving a sure fire Calder and Norris winner the chance to shine. Doesn't this team want to win!!!?!??!111!
Now, I don't know what the Leafs should do with Schenn, because I can see an upside and a downside to keeping him. With Cox, of course, it is all downside:
Right now, both look to be promising NHL prospects. Columbus probably won't keep Filatov in the bigs this season, while the Leafs may yet make the wrong decision one more time and force-feed Schenn to the NHL sharks.
Sure, it could be the wrong decision. But even a total fool could point out that an 18 year old defencemen in the NHL isn't necessarily destined for bust-dom. Right, Steve Simmons?
... Why is it assumed by so many that because Jim Benning failed to develop as a teenaged defenceman 26 years ago --yes, we do have long memories -- the same will happen to Luke Schenn if the Maple Leafs keep him around this season? A little history: A similar type defenceman, Scott Stevens, played full time as a teenager for the Washington Capitals and he didn't turn out too badly You can ask Bryan Murray about that: He was the coach ...
Damn! Simmons is the voice of reason. Anything truly can happen. Maybe this is the year. I'm going to call work right now and book of the first week of June for the Stanley Cup parade in Toronto. See you there.
*This is actually the bloggiest blog I have ever written because I am in fact writing it on a computer in my mother's basement.
Kim and I disagree on a lot of things - he somehow prefers the Manic Street Preachers to the garage rock genius of The Fall, he hates mayonnaise (The Prince of Condiments), he thought Kyle Wellwood was going to be a bust... ok, he gets it right occasionally. During last year's playoffs, he became more and more convinced that one guy was who the Leafs needed to bring in over the summer - sawed-off high-fashion whackjob Sean Avery.
Unconvinced that the homeless man's Darcy Tucker was what the rebuilding Leafs needed, I lampooned Jorn mercilessly, even if I conceded seeing Howard Berger's mustache combust would be worth every penny of his contract. (Speaking of which, WCH's latest - in which the man who apparently spun Cancergate out of whole cloth and has admitted to making up the news lambastes the Leafs for their creative injury reporting - is a masterpiece of irony worthy of O. Henry or, dare I say it, Alanis herself. Bravo, sir. Be sure to enter the contest, readers!)
Well, Kim, you were absolutely right:
Unconvinced that the homeless man's Darcy Tucker was what the rebuilding Leafs needed, I lampooned Jorn mercilessly, even if I conceded seeing Howard Berger's mustache combust would be worth every penny of his contract. (Speaking of which, WCH's latest - in which the man who apparently spun Cancergate out of whole cloth and has admitted to making up the news lambastes the Leafs for their creative injury reporting - is a masterpiece of irony worthy of O. Henry or, dare I say it, Alanis herself. Bravo, sir. Be sure to enter the contest, readers!)
Well, Kim, you were absolutely right:
"He's a staple as far as Canadian hockey goes," Avery said during interview on the CBC's The Hour. "And I grew up watching Coach's Corner, and he serves a purpose.
"But he really does not know shit about hockey.
"He knows, like, unnecessary facts about putting Sears catalogues on your shin pads."
You need to click through and read the rest of the piece, in which Avery calls most NHL players "simple," laments that the culture of junior hockey kept him from reading Moby Dick, and refers to himself as "not that gay." A missed opportunity, indeed.
Here's a couple more bits for your weekend. New York magazine ran a dumbass article asking people to list their iconic New York atheletes of the last 40 years. I won't bother linking to it, partly cause no one saw fit to include anyone on the only New York team to win four straight titles in that span, cause fuck hockey, apparently. But I liked it enough to take a stab at my guesses for Toronto.
10. Borje Salming. (I would take arguments - maybe Donovan Bailey or Danny Dichio?)
9. Vince Carter (sure, people rightly loathe him, but he remains the most famous Raptor of all time, and the star of their most successful teams)
8. Rocket Ismail (I was going to go with Flutie, but he is more Calgary in my mind, and Rocket was there for the Hollywood McNall-Gretzky period that saw the biggest Argos interest)
7. Dave Stieb (the 80s Jays, in their first run to contention that captured the hearts of the city - and Royals and Tigers fans - need someone, and I can't think of one player who symbolizes that team, so good but not quite perfect, better than Stieb)
6. Doug Gilmour (whined his way out of town, yet no one ever holds it against him. That's how popular he is)
5. Mats Sundin (Pass.)
4. Roberto Alomar (the star and best player on the back to back champs
3. Joe Carter (provided likely the biggest single moment for TO sports fans in the last 40 years, big Rush fan)
2. Darryl Sittler (an all-world player wronged by Ballard, sympbolized the missed promise of the 70s and the godawful 80s to come)
1. Wendel Clark (no explanation needed, still loved everywhere to this day - but why the hell aren't his Chunky Soup or "Good book, eh?" commercials on YouTube)
Feel free to proceed to the comments and tell me everyone I missed and how I'm totally full of shit. You guys are dicks!
ITEM! Speaking of dicks, our commenting system is broken like Carlo, so we can't respond to your comments. We're not ignoring you and hope to have this resolved soon. BFFs?
ITEM! Wasn't it great to see the Sens blow the first game of the year when Spezza got caught dicking around with the puck? Warmed the heart, it did.
Goodbye, and remember: I can put my arm back on. You can't. So PLAY SAFE!
