Unconvinced that the homeless man's Darcy Tucker was what the rebuilding Leafs needed, I lampooned Jorn mercilessly, even if I conceded seeing Howard Berger's mustache combust would be worth every penny of his contract. (Speaking of which, WCH's latest - in which the man who apparently spun Cancergate out of whole cloth and has admitted to making up the news lambastes the Leafs for their creative injury reporting - is a masterpiece of irony worthy of O. Henry or, dare I say it, Alanis herself. Bravo, sir. Be sure to enter the contest, readers!)
Well, Kim, you were absolutely right:
"He's a staple as far as Canadian hockey goes," Avery said during interview on the CBC's The Hour. "And I grew up watching Coach's Corner, and he serves a purpose.
"But he really does not know shit about hockey.
"He knows, like, unnecessary facts about putting Sears catalogues on your shin pads."
You need to click through and read the rest of the piece, in which Avery calls most NHL players "simple," laments that the culture of junior hockey kept him from reading Moby Dick, and refers to himself as "not that gay." A missed opportunity, indeed.
Here's a couple more bits for your weekend. New York magazine ran a dumbass article asking people to list their iconic New York atheletes of the last 40 years. I won't bother linking to it, partly cause no one saw fit to include anyone on the only New York team to win four straight titles in that span, cause fuck hockey, apparently. But I liked it enough to take a stab at my guesses for Toronto.
10. Borje Salming. (I would take arguments - maybe Donovan Bailey or Danny Dichio?)
9. Vince Carter (sure, people rightly loathe him, but he remains the most famous Raptor of all time, and the star of their most successful teams)
8. Rocket Ismail (I was going to go with Flutie, but he is more Calgary in my mind, and Rocket was there for the Hollywood McNall-Gretzky period that saw the biggest Argos interest)
7. Dave Stieb (the 80s Jays, in their first run to contention that captured the hearts of the city - and Royals and Tigers fans - need someone, and I can't think of one player who symbolizes that team, so good but not quite perfect, better than Stieb)
6. Doug Gilmour (whined his way out of town, yet no one ever holds it against him. That's how popular he is)
5. Mats Sundin (Pass.)
4. Roberto Alomar (the star and best player on the back to back champs
3. Joe Carter (provided likely the biggest single moment for TO sports fans in the last 40 years, big Rush fan)
2. Darryl Sittler (an all-world player wronged by Ballard, sympbolized the missed promise of the 70s and the godawful 80s to come)
1. Wendel Clark (no explanation needed, still loved everywhere to this day - but why the hell aren't his Chunky Soup or "Good book, eh?" commercials on YouTube)
Feel free to proceed to the comments and tell me everyone I missed and how I'm totally full of shit. You guys are dicks!
ITEM! Speaking of dicks, our commenting system is broken like Carlo, so we can't respond to your comments. We're not ignoring you and hope to have this resolved soon. BFFs?
ITEM! Wasn't it great to see the Sens blow the first game of the year when Spezza got caught dicking around with the puck? Warmed the heart, it did.
Goodbye, and remember: I can put my arm back on. You can't. So PLAY SAFE!