April 2009 Archives
Listen, the playoffs suck. To be more accurate, these playoffs suck. Just like the last three did. Now sure, a lot of you out there are watching every night, appreciating the higher standard of hockey, the passion, the beards, admiring the stars you never see cause you watch Matt Stajan and Vesa Toskala all year, trying your best to be into it; but deep down, you know it's really....shite. It's the potatoes and greens without the juicy steak in the middle of the plate.
So given that it could be another two or three years before we get any Leafs playoff hockey, and the NHL is apparently hell-bent on persisting with the farce of actually playing the playoffs without the Leafs in them (I mean come on, do it on NHL 09 and save us all the hassle), we can at least ask them to make it a little more compelling. And our Montreal correspondent (currently on an extended "hiatus" in Southeast Asia) Fred Isher has just the prescription for our springtime blues.
Instead of the boring format of 1 automatically playing off against 8, 2 squaring off with 7, why not let the coaches and GMs choose who they want to play? The #1 seed in the conference gets first pick as to who they want to play, all the way down till the four matchups are set. San Jose worked hard all year to get the #1 seed - you think they wanted to play the Ducks?
But this isn't about fairness, it's about entertainment. Specifically, sports entertainment. Who wouldn't love the show where the GMs call out their picks. Do you play it safe? Pick a higher seeded team that you've owned all season? Draft a top team missing some key players due to injury, hoping you can pick their carcass early? Then you get the bitterness from the teams picked to be whipping boys, the repercussions for making the wrong choice, a real incentive to to take #1 in the regular season. Plus, how great would it be to see Burke pick Ottawa every year? Whoops, got caught out in left field there. The Leafs and the Senators in the playoffs? Never happen.
Few bits to leave you with, Larry King style. First, imagine my horror when I read WCH's column on Gilroy and realized I had basically posted this:
History, however, proves that no guarantee comes with the Hobey Baker honour. In the 29 years it has been awarded [since 1981], only four recipients have developed into star players in the NHL - Neal Broten [the first winner]; Paul Kariya [1993]; Drury [1988] and Ryan Miller [2001].
verbatim at PPP the other day. I wondered why I'd woken up with a mustache.
Friend Of The Bloc Jeff Blair's new 'at-large' beat hasn't yet paid off as much as I'd hoped in the way of analysis or new horizons, but he's always willing to give a different take than the usual beat grunt. Still very much worth following. For example:
Anyhow, it's off the Rogers Centre, with howls of protest from enraged New York Islanders fans ringing in my ears over the suggestion that John Tavares would be better served playing in a place where the game matters appears to have subsided (OK, howl's a bit over the top. By my count it was 12 enraged e-mails, all mentioning 1967 - which shows a serious lack of originality, since no columnist would ever want the Cup drought to end because of the endless source of material it provides - but I figure that with a couple more e-mails I'll have pretty much covered the Islanders season-ticket base.) Strange . . . the e-mails seem to subside during Grade school hours. These people. They take themselves WAY too seriously.
Good stuff, and it's nice to hear Dick Ripietro is really serious about getting his Grade 6 this year. We're pulling for ya buddy!
Finally, a first here at Cox Bloc. CAPTION CONTEST!!! Bonus points to those entries that eschew the standard jokes about Kyle's predilection for high-calorie foodstuffs.... we all know he is a trencherman, people. Witticisms, ho!
So given that it could be another two or three years before we get any Leafs playoff hockey, and the NHL is apparently hell-bent on persisting with the farce of actually playing the playoffs without the Leafs in them (I mean come on, do it on NHL 09 and save us all the hassle), we can at least ask them to make it a little more compelling. And our Montreal correspondent (currently on an extended "hiatus" in Southeast Asia) Fred Isher has just the prescription for our springtime blues.
Instead of the boring format of 1 automatically playing off against 8, 2 squaring off with 7, why not let the coaches and GMs choose who they want to play? The #1 seed in the conference gets first pick as to who they want to play, all the way down till the four matchups are set. San Jose worked hard all year to get the #1 seed - you think they wanted to play the Ducks?
But this isn't about fairness, it's about entertainment. Specifically, sports entertainment. Who wouldn't love the show where the GMs call out their picks. Do you play it safe? Pick a higher seeded team that you've owned all season? Draft a top team missing some key players due to injury, hoping you can pick their carcass early? Then you get the bitterness from the teams picked to be whipping boys, the repercussions for making the wrong choice, a real incentive to to take #1 in the regular season. Plus, how great would it be to see Burke pick Ottawa every year? Whoops, got caught out in left field there. The Leafs and the Senators in the playoffs? Never happen.
Few bits to leave you with, Larry King style. First, imagine my horror when I read WCH's column on Gilroy and realized I had basically posted this:
History, however, proves that no guarantee comes with the Hobey Baker honour. In the 29 years it has been awarded [since 1981], only four recipients have developed into star players in the NHL - Neal Broten [the first winner]; Paul Kariya [1993]; Drury [1988] and Ryan Miller [2001].
verbatim at PPP the other day. I wondered why I'd woken up with a mustache.
Friend Of The Bloc Jeff Blair's new 'at-large' beat hasn't yet paid off as much as I'd hoped in the way of analysis or new horizons, but he's always willing to give a different take than the usual beat grunt. Still very much worth following. For example:
Anyhow, it's off the Rogers Centre, with howls of protest from enraged New York Islanders fans ringing in my ears over the suggestion that John Tavares would be better served playing in a place where the game matters appears to have subsided (OK, howl's a bit over the top. By my count it was 12 enraged e-mails, all mentioning 1967 - which shows a serious lack of originality, since no columnist would ever want the Cup drought to end because of the endless source of material it provides - but I figure that with a couple more e-mails I'll have pretty much covered the Islanders season-ticket base.) Strange . . . the e-mails seem to subside during Grade school hours. These people. They take themselves WAY too seriously.
Good stuff, and it's nice to hear Dick Ripietro is really serious about getting his Grade 6 this year. We're pulling for ya buddy!
Finally, a first here at Cox Bloc. CAPTION CONTEST!!! Bonus points to those entries that eschew the standard jokes about Kyle's predilection for high-calorie foodstuffs.... we all know he is a trencherman, people. Witticisms, ho!
It's Friday, so let's have some quick and easy fun. Crossposted from Damien's mailbag:
Colaiacovo/Steen for Stempniak, what some apparently fail to understand (or won't) is that it was far less important what the two former first rounders were or were going to be, and more important that taking on an underachieving veteran with a huge contract wasn't a good idea.
Ah yes, grizzled veteran Lee Stempniak, who has been in the NHL since the sepia-toned days of 2005-2006. Someone should ask him what it was like to play against Howie Morenz. How could Fletch deal two young prospects who had barely been given a chance by the Leafs since their rookie seasons of 2002-03 and 2005-2006 for Unfrozen Caveman Winger?
And 'underachieving'? He had 13 points in 14 games when the trade was made.
"Finally, those of you who want to write and argue that Fletcher was going to be able to trade the Leafs first rounder in '09 and make it draft protected to Anaheim straight up for Bobby Ryan are living in a truly amazing dream world."
Wasn't it taking Schneider's contract and receiving Ryan? No matter, cause you hit the nail on the head here:
"Whether it still would have been a good deal we'll never know, but Anaheim didn't make it, so it only exists in the fantasy world."
So the trade was too speculative to defend what Fletcher may have acquired, but just real enough to bash Fletcher for discussing it. Fantasy World is confusing! Good thing you send us regular postcards from there.
And finally - I know it's his book cover, but how great is that "Spin Plus" has revealed that a gigantic "67" hangs over Damien's desk? It's getting hard to figure out where Cox Bloc ends and the Spin begins....
Colaiacovo/Steen for Stempniak, what some apparently fail to understand (or won't) is that it was far less important what the two former first rounders were or were going to be, and more important that taking on an underachieving veteran with a huge contract wasn't a good idea.
Ah yes, grizzled veteran Lee Stempniak, who has been in the NHL since the sepia-toned days of 2005-2006. Someone should ask him what it was like to play against Howie Morenz. How could Fletch deal two young prospects who had barely been given a chance by the Leafs since their rookie seasons of 2002-03 and 2005-2006 for Unfrozen Caveman Winger?
And 'underachieving'? He had 13 points in 14 games when the trade was made.
"Finally, those of you who want to write and argue that Fletcher was going to be able to trade the Leafs first rounder in '09 and make it draft protected to Anaheim straight up for Bobby Ryan are living in a truly amazing dream world."
Wasn't it taking Schneider's contract and receiving Ryan? No matter, cause you hit the nail on the head here:
"Whether it still would have been a good deal we'll never know, but Anaheim didn't make it, so it only exists in the fantasy world."
So the trade was too speculative to defend what Fletcher may have acquired, but just real enough to bash Fletcher for discussing it. Fantasy World is confusing! Good thing you send us regular postcards from there.
And finally - I know it's his book cover, but how great is that "Spin Plus" has revealed that a gigantic "67" hangs over Damien's desk? It's getting hard to figure out where Cox Bloc ends and the Spin begins....
Dearest Blocheads, we've come to a crossroads. A fork in the road. A time in our lives when we have to choose between the path we've followed since our youth - a path littered with the constant failure and shame of the last 42 years - or strike out in a new hopeful direction, crammed to the foodhole with prestige, pride and honour.
You may notice our output has dried up over the past few months. We've said that this is because we've grown tired of making the same jokes about the same writers over and over again, but there is another reason. After years of denial, we've come to realize that supporting an inept collection of perennial losers makes us no better than rats. If we are going to care about trivialities like hockey while kids have cancer, at least we should be supporting a winner. If not we are no better rats awaiting another blue and white food pellet, unaware it will make us bloat up and croak.
That's right. We're Habs fans now, and we urge our former friends in Leafs Nation to join us. You don't have to forsake your disgraceful club entirely, but there is a tonne of room on the Habs bandwagon and your support can only help this plucky group of underdogs as they battle for a playoff spot.
You know us Habs fans would do it for you, right?
If this reasoning doesn't do it for you, maybe we can sway you with our top-ten list of reasons why we've emigrated from Leafs Nation and taken up residency in the Habs Universe.
1. Loads of room on the bandwagon
The Leafs have been an absolute disgrace for nearly 42 years, and this entirely the fault of fans who have flocked to the local hockey rink and handed over their hard-earned cash year after year to a succession of incompetent owners. While these sheep were rewarding their team for failure, Habs fans sent a message to their team by refusing to buy more than 97% of the tickets available to them. Management listened and this noble revolt resulted in a playoff appearance within the last five years. Now it is really time for the Habs loyal fans to be rewarded with what they deserve and we want to be part of it. You may call this frontrunning. We call it "being a Habs fan."
2. All-Stars. We've got All-Stars.
The NHL honoured the Habs this year by naming four Montreal players to start in this year's all-star game. While Bruins fans are stuck with non-starters like Marc Savard, Zdeno Chara and Tim Thomas, the Habs recent success can be attributed to all-stars like Alexei Kovalev, Mike Komisarek and Carey Price.
3. 6-5-2
That is the Habs record in November. They won nearly half of their games. When it mattered. Thanks to Gary Bettman's points-for-everyone scheme, that is a better-than-500 record.
4. Playing the game the right way
While the Make Me Laughs are content to let an 18 year old kid fight all their battles, the Habs have taken Conn Smythe's mantra (if you can't beat them on the street, beat them in the alley) to heart. Whether facing the boards, lying prone on the ice, or taking your purse to a nightclub, rest assured that a Hab will get you.
And don't think this is limited to the players. While you Leaf fans laughably parade around town after winning game one of a conference final, us Habs fans are out setting your car on fire after a second round exit.
5. 24 Stanley Cups
As anyone who has spent more than five minutes near a Yankee fan can tell you, there is nothing more endearing than someone repeatedly telling you how many championships their team has won. As a fan of the Montreal Canadiens, we are proud of our teams past success and aren't afraid to tell everyone about it every chance we get. As an added bonus, it is impossible for us to ever lose an argument. What's that you say? The Habs failed to address their major issues at the trade deadline and may miss the playoffs in their glorious 99th season? We've won 24 Stanley Cups. Their laughable coaching change has reduced a much anticipated anniversary to a remake of How To Self-Destruct, by the Ottawa Senators? Well, we've won 24 Stanley Cups! Huh? Carey Price is Andrew Raycroft with a worse glove hand? We've won 24 Stanley Cups? What? The Leafs, who are terrible, have owned the Habs this year? WE'VE WON 24 STANLEY CUPS!
6. 1993
Sure we're approaching two decades without a Stanley Cup victory and have won only four playoff rounds in the last 15 years. So what if the Habs have played to level of an expansion team for more than a decade (not counting Anaheim, Ottawa, Tampa Bay, obviously) and can't seem to be able find someone who wants to own hockey's most storied franchise. While we watched the Leafs rack up regular season points, consistently qualify for the playoffs and make three appearances in the conference final during a ten year span, we didn't care. We're Habs fans and we can count. Fifteen is less than 42. As our most recent success drifts further and further into the rear-view mirror, we're still content knowing that yours has fallen out of view. This is the best part about being a Habs fan: dwelling on past success and feeling a smug sense of entitled superiority because, even though we haven't had much to cheer about for a long time and our prospects for future success are nearly non-existent, we'll always have the increasingly distant past to gloat about.
7. Media
This is going to be the hardest thing to deal with here at Cox Bloc. Since we're not so good with the French, we'll stick to savaging the local mittenstringers. The only problem is, how do we rip apart locals like Damien Cox? We're talking about a guy who can see the genius behind trading your veteran goaltender away weeks before the playoffs only to have your rookie keeper implode on the biggest stage in hockey? How can we be upset when we open up Sports Illustrated and see that their main hockey writer, Michael Farber, has penned another love letter to the Habs or another hatchet job on the Leafs? These guys get it. Looks like we're going to have to set our targets on places like Pension Plan Puppets, where they use cheap gimmicks like facts and analysis to rip apart our beloved Habs. We're on to you, and we're coming for you.
8. Daniel Briere
We've always wanted to boo Briere for no reason. Now it is our duty as Habs fans.
9. Laughing at the Laffs
One of the hardest things about being a Leafs fan was the constant struggle to make jokes about the Montreal Canadiens. I mean, how can you laugh at a team that has won 24 Stanley Cups? How can you poke fun at a group of fans as reasonable and classy as those who live and die for the Montreal Canadiens. Now the shoe is on the other foot. Make Me Laughs. Laffs. Leaves. That shit is hilarious. We look forward to sending out that Maple Leaf Meats email to all our Leaf fan friends every week. It is part of the deal. Also, we don't even have to work hard at this anymore since we can just make tired homophobic jokes that appeal to the lowest common denominator. Toller Cranston! Ha! Or how about this awesome photo:
Get it? He's totally a fruit and he's wearing Leafs gear. Because he is gay, he is totally less than a man. Just like Leafs fans.
10. Chemmy sent us $50 Zimbawean dollars.
...
BONUS FEATURE
Smoking Hot - A Carey Price Photo Gallery
Goodbye Wendel, hello Carey Price. As newly-minted Habs fans, one of our first actions was to adopt a new favourite player. Here are few snaps we found of Carey on a recent night out in Montreal:
You may notice our output has dried up over the past few months. We've said that this is because we've grown tired of making the same jokes about the same writers over and over again, but there is another reason. After years of denial, we've come to realize that supporting an inept collection of perennial losers makes us no better than rats. If we are going to care about trivialities like hockey while kids have cancer, at least we should be supporting a winner. If not we are no better rats awaiting another blue and white food pellet, unaware it will make us bloat up and croak.
That's right. We're Habs fans now, and we urge our former friends in Leafs Nation to join us. You don't have to forsake your disgraceful club entirely, but there is a tonne of room on the Habs bandwagon and your support can only help this plucky group of underdogs as they battle for a playoff spot. You know us Habs fans would do it for you, right?
If this reasoning doesn't do it for you, maybe we can sway you with our top-ten list of reasons why we've emigrated from Leafs Nation and taken up residency in the Habs Universe.
1. Loads of room on the bandwagon
The Leafs have been an absolute disgrace for nearly 42 years, and this entirely the fault of fans who have flocked to the local hockey rink and handed over their hard-earned cash year after year to a succession of incompetent owners. While these sheep were rewarding their team for failure, Habs fans sent a message to their team by refusing to buy more than 97% of the tickets available to them. Management listened and this noble revolt resulted in a playoff appearance within the last five years. Now it is really time for the Habs loyal fans to be rewarded with what they deserve and we want to be part of it. You may call this frontrunning. We call it "being a Habs fan."
2. All-Stars. We've got All-Stars.
The NHL honoured the Habs this year by naming four Montreal players to start in this year's all-star game. While Bruins fans are stuck with non-starters like Marc Savard, Zdeno Chara and Tim Thomas, the Habs recent success can be attributed to all-stars like Alexei Kovalev, Mike Komisarek and Carey Price.
3. 6-5-2
That is the Habs record in November. They won nearly half of their games. When it mattered. Thanks to Gary Bettman's points-for-everyone scheme, that is a better-than-500 record.
4. Playing the game the right way
While the Make Me Laughs are content to let an 18 year old kid fight all their battles, the Habs have taken Conn Smythe's mantra (if you can't beat them on the street, beat them in the alley) to heart. Whether facing the boards, lying prone on the ice, or taking your purse to a nightclub, rest assured that a Hab will get you.
And don't think this is limited to the players. While you Leaf fans laughably parade around town after winning game one of a conference final, us Habs fans are out setting your car on fire after a second round exit.
5. 24 Stanley CupsAs anyone who has spent more than five minutes near a Yankee fan can tell you, there is nothing more endearing than someone repeatedly telling you how many championships their team has won. As a fan of the Montreal Canadiens, we are proud of our teams past success and aren't afraid to tell everyone about it every chance we get. As an added bonus, it is impossible for us to ever lose an argument. What's that you say? The Habs failed to address their major issues at the trade deadline and may miss the playoffs in their glorious 99th season? We've won 24 Stanley Cups. Their laughable coaching change has reduced a much anticipated anniversary to a remake of How To Self-Destruct, by the Ottawa Senators? Well, we've won 24 Stanley Cups! Huh? Carey Price is Andrew Raycroft with a worse glove hand? We've won 24 Stanley Cups? What? The Leafs, who are terrible, have owned the Habs this year? WE'VE WON 24 STANLEY CUPS!
6. 1993
Sure we're approaching two decades without a Stanley Cup victory and have won only four playoff rounds in the last 15 years. So what if the Habs have played to level of an expansion team for more than a decade (not counting Anaheim, Ottawa, Tampa Bay, obviously) and can't seem to be able find someone who wants to own hockey's most storied franchise. While we watched the Leafs rack up regular season points, consistently qualify for the playoffs and make three appearances in the conference final during a ten year span, we didn't care. We're Habs fans and we can count. Fifteen is less than 42. As our most recent success drifts further and further into the rear-view mirror, we're still content knowing that yours has fallen out of view. This is the best part about being a Habs fan: dwelling on past success and feeling a smug sense of entitled superiority because, even though we haven't had much to cheer about for a long time and our prospects for future success are nearly non-existent, we'll always have the increasingly distant past to gloat about.
7. Media
This is going to be the hardest thing to deal with here at Cox Bloc. Since we're not so good with the French, we'll stick to savaging the local mittenstringers. The only problem is, how do we rip apart locals like Damien Cox? We're talking about a guy who can see the genius behind trading your veteran goaltender away weeks before the playoffs only to have your rookie keeper implode on the biggest stage in hockey? How can we be upset when we open up Sports Illustrated and see that their main hockey writer, Michael Farber, has penned another love letter to the Habs or another hatchet job on the Leafs? These guys get it. Looks like we're going to have to set our targets on places like Pension Plan Puppets, where they use cheap gimmicks like facts and analysis to rip apart our beloved Habs. We're on to you, and we're coming for you.
8. Daniel Briere
We've always wanted to boo Briere for no reason. Now it is our duty as Habs fans.
9. Laughing at the Laffs
One of the hardest things about being a Leafs fan was the constant struggle to make jokes about the Montreal Canadiens. I mean, how can you laugh at a team that has won 24 Stanley Cups? How can you poke fun at a group of fans as reasonable and classy as those who live and die for the Montreal Canadiens. Now the shoe is on the other foot. Make Me Laughs. Laffs. Leaves. That shit is hilarious. We look forward to sending out that Maple Leaf Meats email to all our Leaf fan friends every week. It is part of the deal. Also, we don't even have to work hard at this anymore since we can just make tired homophobic jokes that appeal to the lowest common denominator. Toller Cranston! Ha! Or how about this awesome photo:
Get it? He's totally a fruit and he's wearing Leafs gear. Because he is gay, he is totally less than a man. Just like Leafs fans. 10. Chemmy sent us $50 Zimbawean dollars.
...
BONUS FEATURE
Smoking Hot - A Carey Price Photo Gallery
Goodbye Wendel, hello Carey Price. As newly-minted Habs fans, one of our first actions was to adopt a new favourite player. Here are few snaps we found of Carey on a recent night out in Montreal:
Looking good Carey. We look forward to supporting you and your teammates in the day to come. Leafs fans, we'll see you at the parade.
