Press Box Hero

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The tubes are abuzz today after Bruce Dowbiggin's broadside cautioning NHL teams thinking of cracking open the press box, that sanctum sanctorum of journalistic decorum to bloggers, with their cheesie-smeared mouths and their reptilian brains fixated on the Phil Kessel/Yo Gabba Gabba .gif they've left half-finished on the basement PC.

Some say Bruce has gone too far with his criticisms. And it's true, they are devastatingly argued. Check it out:

That might be a problem as "blogger" has come to be synonymous for bending the rules on sourcing or taking liberties with research.

Bloggers take liberties with research. Bruce Dowbiggin just doesn't do any. ARGUMENT BY ASSERTION. That's the kind of shit bloggers don't know, the kind where you really see the effects of Bruce's years of intense journalistic training at his alma mater.... the National Theatre School of Canada.

Their role model is baseball statistician Bill James, the original blogger.

I thought Martin Luther was the original blogger! Or God, with all those commandments. Moses on the mountain = Wordpress BC

Anyways, lots of people think Bruce has gone too far, especially with his suggestion that bloggers post a 10,000 bond to cover any possible libel or misconduct before they are allowed in. Those people are dangerous and wrong. These standards are especially necessary in the wake of all those recent scandals bloggers libeling people without evidence. Like... well, you remember them, right?

If anything, Bruce hasn't gone far enough. I told him as much over grilled steer and eggs at his favourite Calgary brunch nook (note: I have never spoken with Bruce Dowbiggin in my life; however he is more than welcome to get in touch for an discussion of these issues at my personal email, jmilloy at gmail dot com; hey, Damien Cox did it).

Bruce was nice enough and/or high enough (note: JUST KIDDING) to agree, and he shared with me the other requirements he feels should be in place before bloggers are able to have the mindblowing insider experience of watching a game in a room full of poorly dressed middle aged white men, as opposed to watching it from the stands or on TV.

press box.jpg

Here's the rest of Bruce's list:

1. Display willingness to learn from our betters in the press by ending every post with 'Was that right, Bruce?

2. Additionally, readers should comment on every post that does not mention Dowbiggin by writing, "Where's Bruce?"

3. Kill Bruce's enemies, get off on bulletproof "I'm a blogger" defence that apparently exempts one from all legal liability.

4. Instead of using media passes, bloggers should present copies of Dowbiggin's 2008 doorstop The Meaning of Puck. Maybe Chapters will stop calling about needing the space in the remainder bins.

5. Don't give your personal opinions and insults the veneer of objectivity and research by heading them with "some say" or "others say". That's weak and unprofessional. More importantly, that's Bruce's bit.

6.. Since bloggers need to "face their subjects from time to time", they can practice building that bravery and accountability that are a MSM hallmark by facing the music on Dowbiggin or Damien Cox's behalf the next time one of those two rips someone baselessly to boost their page views.
7. If bloggers are really and unavoidably going to be in the press box, they should at least have to take the bullet and sit beside Simmons.


Anona**** said:

Could it be that these elitist **** are afraid of letting people into their boys club?

I mean, what will happen when the thin veil is pulled back and we see that what they do a) isn't rocket science and b) can be done by any monkey with an opinion better than so-called "trained professionals."

(Till's note: Sorry, had to bleep that one. Carry on.)

kidkawartha said:

I think the National Post should offer one of their buy-out spots to the G&M for the return of a mitten-stringer to be named later.

Nats Maslund said:


I'd be *ever* so grateful!

Anyway, been there, done that. Also, press box food sucks, and Dion Phaneuf stuck his dick in the minestrone to assuage his grief after I asked him how he likes my sloppy seconds. So you'll want to watch out for that. Remember kids, when you eat from a buffet with Bob Elliott, you're eating from every buffet that Bob's sickly, fetid breath has ever spread over.

However, I do agree that all commenters should have post a $10,000 bond before kicking Bruce Dowbiggin in his remaining nuts. There is a small chance you might damage something.

kidkawartha said:

I think my favorite part of this post is that from now on, whenever I see Dowbiggin's image, Juke Box Hero is going to start ringing through my head.

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This page contains a single entry by Godd Till published on September 15, 2010 10:21 AM.

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